Sex as a teacher. How has sex been a teacher to me? While sex is obviously a motivational force central to the human species' survival and perpetuation, I found very early on that I felt quite uncomfortable with both the amount of attention my sex drive demanded of me and how much control the biological sex drive had over me. Since the drive to preserve and spread one's population comes from a place very deep in biology, it makes sense that sex be a central focal point of attention and energy. This is undoubtedly sown into the fabric of our DNA. But, that doesn't solve the problem that somehow in my learning and conditioning as Drew Fisher I came to associate the sex drive and sexual act as a "bad" thing--something that placed us (humans) on a level with the "lowly" "beasts" (animals) who supposedly sat below me on the evolutionary and even religious hierarchical chains. Blame it on my Roman Catholic upbringing, but I found myself desperate to repress and control the 'ugly' animal urge. Even though I have learned that the sex drive comes with the human condition--that it is a drive that is innate and natural to these beings we have chosen (and created) our four-dimensional emotion-based experiences and adventures--I have spent most of this lifetime in conflict with this part of my nature. As a matter of fact, it might be said that my "battle" with my sexual/animal instincts occupied a good portion of my self-'work' during the decade of my twenties. Though the fascination, the drive, the 'temptation' and the access were always present, I suffered over how much control the sex drive exerted over my waking mind. (Interestingly, sex has rarely ever been a primary or even secondary focal point of my dreams. I am aware of less than two or three dozen sexually charged dreams in my entire life and only a handful of "wet dreams"--no pun intended.)
In college I remember that there were several writers that fell into my sphere of influence whose ideas with regards to sex and the human condition resonated with me and my rather prudish Catholic conditioning. Some of the Italian Renaissance philosophers like Pico and Ficini and Plutarch and other religious philosophers exposed me to the 'spirit versus animal' conflict that was apparently inherent in the human condition. That is, spirits are born into a human body, which is the stuff of Creation--as is the flesh of our animal beings with all of its accompanying urges and desires--yet the Cosmic Spirit/ Divine spark that is our animator, that which gives our bodies life and consciousness, is trying to control and manipulate the flesh and its instincts in order to rise above the unconscious instincts of our animal nature toward the pursuit and focus on our own potential as Creators, that is, on artistic and altruistic contributions to our world. I can say that in all honesty that this information is part of what motivated me to explore such vocational options as cancer research, the Catholic priesthood, and classroom teaching. Even the choice to become husband and parent was really the outcome of a decision to choose monogamy and parenthood in order to (in hopes of) sublimating my drives and urges into something that felt like it had the intention of a "higher" contribution to the greater good--of my self, my loved ones, and the planet as a whole. Thus, I remained, by definition, a "virgin" until I met the woman with whom we decided to try to bring children into the world. Not to mislead anyone, I managed to accumulate a lot of sexual experience, to enjoy a lot of exploration of sexual communication with a variety of partners, I just could not allow myself to 'commit' to the act of intercourse, to "go all the way," until I was committed to the possibility of raising children.
You see, the way my mind had built up its defenses and responses to the act of intercourse was to fear and revere it. I had built up an altar to its sacrosanct purpose. I had decided that I could not have intercourse with a woman until it was as a conscious expression of a mutual decision to try to get pregnant. Intercourse, to my mind, had become reserved for the express purpose and whole-hearted--even sacred--intention of trying to bring another soul into the world. Thus, I never allowed myself to "go all the way" with my many lovers because I never felt ready--I never felt mature enough or committed enough to the relationship at hand to take on the sacred duties and responsibilities of parenthood; I had never felt the kind of connection with another person, no matter how much love we shared, to be ready and willing to take on those very serious responsibilities.
It was a long time before I was finally willing and able to commit to the responsibilities of partnering and parenting. In fact, at the age of 33--the age at which Jesus of Nazareth was when he fulfilled his commitment to his Soul Plan as he saw it--I eventually came to believe, to accept, that I was not going to find the "right" person to partner with--that I would go through life without raising children of my own, without knowing intercourse. My standards were that high and that idealistic!. And they were non-negotiable. Partnering "in that way," I believed, involved knowing that both individuals in the partnership were equally and mutually committed to the life-long project of raising children and to the hard work of nurturing of healthy, loving relationships. I did not think that this was going to happen for me. Until I "gave up" on "my dream." That is when I finally met the mother of my children. But, that is another story.
For many years I remained stubbornly "attached" to a belief system that I had created which championed the concept of a spiritual being who consciously worked toward his/her mastery over the "desires of the flesh" that the "animal nature" that their Earthly form bore with it. In effect, I had formed a "good" versus "evil" orientation to life. I thought it my goal--in fact, I thought it the duty of every person who had attained awareness and consciousness of their "true" spiritual nature--to sublimate all animal urges and desires into so-called "higher" pursuits. It was not until I encountered some of the concepts and implications of quantum physics, Buddhism, the Tao, and healing modalities of energy work like Mikao Usui's Reiki, Randolph Stone's Polarity Therapy, India's Ayurveda, and Esoteric Healing that I was able to dismantle and even let go of my dualistic worldview and move into a non-dualistic perspective. I was finally able to let go of thinking of myself and my thoughts and actions as "good" or "bad," "selfish" or "altruistic," "right" or "wrong," "better" or "worse." At this point, sex and physical intimacy became a means for the expression of love and Love. Eventually, I realized that sexual intimacy was just one means for the expression of love and Love--that there are many, many ways to show and experience love and Love. (My use of two different forms of the word "love" is intended to remind people that there is a self-serving, often possessive form of love that humans use to try to express their idea of love and which comes from the insecure and fear-filled Ego-Personality, and that there is also a form of love that is expressive of the nonjudgmental, conditionless, all-accepting, "pure" love that is the state and Life blood of the Divine (our "true" essences). This is the belief system that allows me to detach from things and expectations and attributions of polarizing duality.
My discomfort with the internal attraction to and social- and media-induced obsession with sex led me on a long and diligent search for the cause and control of such urges. No doubt my Catholic upbringing contributed to the foundational guilt and discomfort I had over sexual feelings and urges--which, I now recognize, are quite natural and healthy conditions/expressions of the human experience. I believe that it is the suppression of these healthy and natural desires that can lend to the creation of the root causes of behavioral aberrations and addictions. Were we allowed to openly talk and learn from our elders and to be supported and coached in our experimentations in sexual behavior we might not create such obsessive-compulsive patterns of behavior around our personal sexual behavior. Diffusing the over-blown importance and taboos we Americans have come to associate with sex, sexuality, and sexual fantasy is a key step toward more healthy attitudes and a key to the release of festering deep-seated, hidden or suppressed thoughts and emotions.
Once again the saying, "What you resist persists," rings appropriate here. Giving something as natural and innate as sex such a repressed treatment is only going to cause its unresolved energy to accumulate and eventually seek relief and/or release. On the other side of the coin, giving it such power as to glorify or flaunt it or obsess over it can lead to behaviors equally disturbing as repression. As Alice Bailey relayed the words of Master Djwal Khul, "All dis-ease is but the result of inhibited soul life." Which means, the Soul--and the Soul Plan--need attention--need release and realization--in order for the individual to achieve and maintain ease, healthy flow, and harmony with its surroundings and within its Self. The consequence of impeding or "inhibiting" "soul life" is disharmony, unhealthy blockages, and dis-ease. In Esoteric Healing we say that if an individual is not addressing his or her issues on the Spiritual planes, they will become manifest in the mental, emotional, or even physical levels of consciousness--and once something becomes manifest at the physical level it is as if the Soul is shouting out to the Ego/Personality, "Pay attention! There is something serious here that you are ignoring or not giving proper attention to!" To continue to ignore the issue or to unsatisfactorily resolve the issue can lead to physical demise and even death of the physical host--in which case the issue is carried forward into the spiritual realm where it will have to seek other means of resolution.
Addictions, too, can be manifestations of unresolved issues--usually rather big ones--issues of distorted, misinterpreted or insufficient knowledge or information, issues of misdirected or insufficient flow of Love and Wisdom (and their twins, loathing and ignorance), or insufficient or improper flow or distribution of Will, Power, and that which one considers or treats as "sacred." The uninhibited flow of Spirit, which results in the uninhibited attendance to and realization of the Soul and one's Soul Plan, is the way to health, harmony, and ease. Though sex is a means to the loving invitation to another soul's presence and participation in the Earth-based human experience, sex can also be used as a means to the the exploration and expression of the current 'fullness' of one's flow of knowledge, intention, love, wisdom, beauty, joy, truth, and sacrifice. The least inhibited flow of all of the attributes of Pure Spirit is the goal of our Higher Consciousness--in all thought and action--just as completely uninhibited flow of these attributes is the state of Pure Consciousness.
While masturbation is a sexual exercise in self-gratification and tension release, it can also be quite self-indulgent. One would think that one might better direct one's energies into service to the whole, to the Unified Field, instead of toward one's individual urges and desires. (Though one might also argue that self-gratification creates a temporary addition of happiness, joy and love to the self and, therefore, also a contribution to the whole since every boost to the individual unit benefits the whole.) However, to prioritize self-gratification and self-indulgence over self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self-improvement may be a distraction of one's conscious resources from the tasks laid out in one's Plan. Here again, is an example of how sex can become a side-track to the true goals one came to planet Earth to try to accomplish. Let's hope one can figure it all out and create a path of least resistance toward the end result of satisfying the Monadic goals of your lifetime.
May your experience and use of sex support the fullest flow of knowledge, intention, love, wisdom, beauty, joy, truth, and sacrifice and may all of your experiences contribute to an ever-expanding flow of Spirit.
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