"Briel" you may remember from last year's blogposts, was one of the protagonists from a novel that I wrote in the mid-1980s. That novel is titled Chartres bleues--a name that comes from the iridescent blue color of the eyes of Briel's cherished daughter, Gretel.
Though Briel is a fictional character created from my own imagination/subconscious/ Unconscious, I firmly believe that Briel served Journeyman Paul in the exploration of one highly possible and very weighty alternate pathway from within the choice box of the Drew Fisher life flow. To me, Briel is a "living," malleable entity or facet of myself that I was able to realize through art--through writing--but who remains a valid and "alive" character within me and my Universe.
In the story, Briel had the same midwestern affluent start that I did; he had the same roots and formative experiences that I did. Where he differs--where he diverges from the path that I, Drew Fisher, took--is in the conscious decision and action of following through on the pursuit of a life with a French woman that I, Drew Fisher, met in "real life" while a student in Strasbourg, France, in 1978-9. In Chartres bleues, Briel has corresponded with "Reggie" (her actual name was Regina; his was Gabriel) during the years after his foreign study in Strasbourg, and has made the choice to go back to France after graduation from college to see what might become of a relationship with this intriguing young woman. They fall in love, marry, and Briel and Reggie settle into a life revolving around jobs working for Reggie's father in a fictional pharmaceutical company. Two kids later and a relocation to Fribourg, Germany (not far across the Rhine River from Strasbourg) finds Briel in a place, psycho-spiritually, in which he is having second thoughts over his recent major life choices. He's feeling resentment at his automated, plug-in life. He's especially resentful of the corporate jobs that control their lives. Unfortunately, in typical American male fashion, Briel has been bottling up his frustrations and receding from his relationships while going through the motions of work, parenting, partnering, etc.
One night he cracks: He impulsively leaves his family in the middle of the night without warning or without communicating his feelings or intentions. He needs to get away, to get out from under the oppression of his regimented life. So, he sneaks out of the house and hops on a train to Switzerland--all the while fantasizing about living on a farm, herding sheep, doing "real work," living a healthy life, no longer working for "The Man," and, sadly, no longer bound to the asphyxiating bondage and values-eroding concept of "all for the family good." He wants to return to the ideals of freedom and spontaneity and the joy that comes with those things--all of which he thought he shared with his wife but now doubts as freedom, spontaneity, and even joy have been squeezed out their lives and have all but disappeared. All for the family good. "All for the all-mighty dollar," he now believes.
The feelings and events that came out in my story Chartres bleues in the character I called "Briel" are all based on my own frustrations with my own Drew Fisher life and family background. They are based on fantasies that I had had over the years of "running away" and disappearing from everyone who knew me--especially from my birth family and the restrictions and consequences (as I perceived them) that came with those dynamics. But they are also based on projections coming from my Unconscious with regards to my immaturity and unpreparedness for settling down, for marriage and parenting, for the suit and tie-job either at a desk or as a traveling salesmen--all at the young age of 24-26 (which is what Briel is in the story). In short, I knew I was not mature enough to handle any and all of those "big" commitments and Chartres bleues was my way of living out that "dream,"a projected life line based on a series of likely consequences coming from the decision to marry young. I think that Briel was my soul's means to experiencing that alternate life path--to which I was strongly drawn--in a way that I could process, learn from and then let go of the desires, urges, wonderings, musings, and fears of those kind of early adult life choices.
How Chartres bleues also served so powerfully was in the way Briel was able to grow and learn from his choices--and to rediscover joy, beauty, truth, and love in many of the things that he had lost appreciation for. There were some pretty ugly and scary consequences to the actions that he so immaturely made. For example, to his family, his sudden and unexplained disappearance could very well have been accidental. Which causes a lot of anxiety and fear and emotion in your loved ones--things that he never intended but which happened because of his immaturity, because he was too myopic, too self-centered and too impulsive when making his decisions to consider the effect his actions (and lack of actions and words) would have on his family and friends.
Briel's thoughts and actions may very well have been my own had I made certain choices in my youth--marriage, corporate work life, European habitation. I firmly believe that his creation and 'existence' enabled me, Drew Fisher, to let go of certain regrets and "what ifs" and move on with less baggage and clutter distracting me from the here and now.
"Reggie" is the other main character from Chartres bleues. She is the Alsatian-born wife of Briel and mother of five-year old Gretel and two-year old Jasper. In the novel, Reggie is suddenly left alone with her children upon the unexpected and unexplained disappearance of her husband. For several days she tries to hold it together in front of the children while trying to figure out what has happened. On day three, a phone call from Briel--coming from Switzerland--creates a new flood of mixed emotions. She feels both great relief and the fire of anger and resentment. She can rest a little knowing that Briel is safe--and alive--but she feels deeply hurt upon hearing that his disappearance was on-purpose--and that it was due to his hidden and uncommunicated inner turmoil with regards to the course his life had taken him.
To add insult to injury, Reggie awakens on day five with every intention of going through the usual routines of getting the children to school and herself to work only to be shocked to find Briel in their daughter's bedroom, snuggled up around 5-year, Gretel, fast asleep. Hurt and incensed by what she perceives as his prioritizing their daughter over she, his own wife, she impulsively gathers the children and whisks them away into the car, unsure of where to go, what to do. Finally she decides to take them to the United States, to Briel's family home in Michigan, knowing that Briel would eventually figure out where they were but also knowing that that amount of time might give her a little time to collect herself--as well as provide Briel with a little retributional "payback."
The two reunite with a much greater appreciation for one another and their things and with a new-found elevation of family on their priority lists--which is all Briel wanted from the start but which he was simply too overwhelmed and too immature to figure out until he had made his rash and radical 'escape.'
Eventually, I figured out that Reggie represents a feminine--albeit strong and "masculine" female--aspect of me (and Journeyman Paul). Some of the choices Reggie makes mirror choices I might have made at that time of my life under similarly stressful conditions. Human emotions like anger, hurt, betrayal, retreat, withdrawal, and even revenge are not unknown to me. You might even say that these emotions were distressingly close to the edge in me for much of my young life for they had long been a focal point of the areas that I sought to "work on" and improve upon. Thus, the Reggie character allowed me a wonderful opportunity to explore some of these experiences through the life, eyes, and mind of another. This other may have been a fictional character, but, to me, she is a very real and valuable projection of my Self--a projection that allowed me both the awareness that these issues were lying dormant in my Unconscious and then the gift of the opportunity to work on them through the characters!
Again, as with all of my The Many Lives of Journeyman Paul stories and vignettes, my intention is to use my life experiences as mirrors so that you, my reader, might recognize little parts of yourselves--parts of yourselves that you may not have yet recognized, validated or accepted.
All stories--not just mine--are just entertaining displays of information. Information is what we process every day, all day and all night long, both consciously and unconsciously. We use these stories, this information, to continually refine and redefine our definitions of our Selves, our beliefs and values, our dreams and goals. Stories are little gifts to ourselves, for our Selves. And they're everywhere! Isn't life as a Homo sapiens sapiens amazing?
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
The Teachers: Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy
"Vic" is a character from my novel, Charybdis in Pursuit. He is the character around which the novel revolves because of his sudden and mysterious suicide. To me, Vic represents a possible life path I, Drew Fisher, might have chosen due to a very real, transcendent, "out-of-body" experience I had while in college. Here's what really happened.
I was leaving our college library after a night of research, reading and study when, as I crossed the patio in front of our fine arts building, I was suddenly confronted with the vision before me of the night lighting of our entire city merging at the horizon with the equally colored and equally filling lighting of the perfectly clear, star-filled night sky. Because I could not discern a horizon, I temporarily lost my orientation and found myself freezing in my tracks, there, at the parapet of the fine arts building's patio, looking out over what seems to be an infinite, dimensionless nebulous (mass). My disorientation progressed to a point in which I become oblivious to my human body, to the ground upon which I stood, to any and all Earthly connections. All I could feel was silence and an interconnectedness, a "oneness" with all things. I remember my mind thinking that this "place" of self-less unity was "God"--"This must be God!"
This event imbued my consciousness--my being--with a new found heightened awareness. It was as if I had been struck with lightning and my circuitry had been cleansed and cleared for higher vibrations of information, for fuller perception, for more open awareness.
A few years later, I was awakened one night in the middle of the night by the clamor of characters in my brain insisting that I write down their story right now. Which I did. To life came Vic, Judy, Collin, Matt and Mr. & Mrs. Sandel. At the time of writing their story I saw none of the similarities to my own life (except for the fact that we chose the liberal arts college that I had attended and the time that I had attended as the story's setting). But, years later I was able to recognize the story for what it really was: It was a purging of a part of my being, of several avenues that my life might have taken had I made certain choices in my own life. Like dreams, each and every one of the story's characters represent an aspect of my Self. These might have been aspects of me that had been or were being actualized, or they may have been manifestations of my (perceived or imagined) potentialities, desires, or fantasies. This doesn't really matter because I strongly believe--I know--that these aspects of me are real and, thanks to Charybdis in Pursuit, they have all been realized and expunged from my "to do" or "what if" lists.
Vic Sandel represents one of the strong potentialities of the transcendent, "high" Drew Fisher. The "coming down" from such a transcendent high could have been difficult. It could have been disconcerting, disappointing, a let down. In his excitement, Vic rushed off to try to share his experience with another--with that human being with whom he thought he was so close, with whom he felt the desire to share his every thought, his every breath. And yet he could not get Judy to even remotely share his experience. He could see that, in fact, his experience--or something about him that had changed--was causing fear in his most-beloved. These two events coupled together, coming from his life's highest peak experience and then feeling the utter futility and frustration of unsuccessfully trying to share it with your most beloved "soul mate," had a crushing effect. He came crashing down into utter despondence. "Why go on living if the rest of life is going to be less than that God-Unity experience?" "What could the pain and drudgery of human life possibly offer to compare with those self-less moments?" "Would I just spend the rest of my life trying to replicate, relive or re-attain that place of sublime peace and calm?" "What is the point? What if the only place that I can find those feelings again is in the afterlife? If the afterlife is full of that state of transcendence, what fool would choose to stay here?" etc., etc.
At the time of writing Charybdis in Pursuit Drew Fisher did not have that kind of intimate partner with whom he would or even could try to share his most profound experiences. He had only himself. Which proved just right, for his Self had an answer to his questions, had an allegory to share, had a healing message to share with him . . . in the form of this story.
The other characters of Charybdis in Pursuit provided equally important messages for Drew Fisher regarding the choices one might make when faced with heart-wrenchng shock. In the story, Vic's father and brother get stuck in the "Who's to blame?' line of focus, only Vic's father does little to search for the answers to his question but instead chooses to look at everyone and everything that had anything to do with his dead son as possible co-conspirators. Thus, sadly, he looks at everyone with a little more suspicion, a little more disdain, and a little less trustingly than before. At the same time he is afraid to turn within for fear of seeing what he might have possibly contributed to the choice his son made to take his own life. And, of course, he is ashamed and self-conscious when in public for being known as the father of that "bright boy, Vic" who killed himself. All of the choices in behavior and attitude that Vic's father portrayed I could very easily see myself making.
Vic's brother, Collin, however, chooses to solve his "Who's to blame?" motivation to take the path of trying to find out why Vic might have made the choice he made. He attempts to recreate all of the patterns and circumstances that might have put Vic in a place where suicide might even be a consideration much less an active choice. He treats the "mystery" as one to be solved like a very complicated puzzle. He dives into his college studies, trying to recreate the course schedule and professor relationships and reading materials that might have contributed to Vic's evolution. He also tries to pursue a friendship with Judy, Vic's girlfriend, in order to clandestinely dig into her memories of Vic. All with the hopes of unravelling the mysteries of Vic's psyche.
Vic's youngest brother, Matt, all-American athlete, foregoes Division I athletic scholarship offers in order to attend the same small liberal arts school that Vic was attending. Feeling like he is being sucked into a blackhole of anger and anguish, Matt grasps for anything and everything that might help him feel closer to his beloved big brother, whom he idolized. He finds curiosity and desperation to be convenient tools that lead him to succumb to peer pressure to try numbing activities like heavy drinking, experimental drug use, violent sex, and party- and football-related brutality--all in the effort to distract himself from his pain. Matt's mislaid efforts to remain as close to his dead brother as possible run afoul, however, when he pursues a reckless and passionate relationship with Vic's willing but also desperate girlfriend, Judy. Judy's eventual wising up to the mutually self-destructive nature of their relationship and her successive breakup send Matt into an accelerated tailspin of desperation in the form of serious drug use.
Again, all of the characters in this novel speak to me. All of them have very real "lessons" to offer me. I could very easily have traveled down the paths I wrote about for any of the main characters that appear in Charybdis in Pursuit. The fact that I didn't is, I believe, due in part to the fact that I was able to "live" them through the writing of them. The effort and dedication I gave to the writing and dissemination of this story, I believe, was like my "Get Out of Jail Free" pass: I did not have to live any of these life paths because I wrote them for "others" to live. The same goes for any story, fictional or biographical, that I encounter: the characters and events and story of these books become "real" to me; I become a part of the worlds and minds and emotions of these characters--and their authors!--and "live"--if only vicariously, but, still, "live"--the stories that I read (or, in the case of film and television, watch on the screen). In the same way that Jungian dream therapy works, one can look at all of the characters and events of any story that one is exposed to as your own--as reflections of possibilities of choices your own soul or Monad might have made (but now does not necessarily have to since it just experienced [and possibly learned from] it in the "external" form that it just encountered).
The World is your oyster. The World is your World. The World is You! Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy are me! And, as with any teacher who has affected my life, I am ever so grateful for their presence in my life.
I was leaving our college library after a night of research, reading and study when, as I crossed the patio in front of our fine arts building, I was suddenly confronted with the vision before me of the night lighting of our entire city merging at the horizon with the equally colored and equally filling lighting of the perfectly clear, star-filled night sky. Because I could not discern a horizon, I temporarily lost my orientation and found myself freezing in my tracks, there, at the parapet of the fine arts building's patio, looking out over what seems to be an infinite, dimensionless nebulous (mass). My disorientation progressed to a point in which I become oblivious to my human body, to the ground upon which I stood, to any and all Earthly connections. All I could feel was silence and an interconnectedness, a "oneness" with all things. I remember my mind thinking that this "place" of self-less unity was "God"--"This must be God!"
This event imbued my consciousness--my being--with a new found heightened awareness. It was as if I had been struck with lightning and my circuitry had been cleansed and cleared for higher vibrations of information, for fuller perception, for more open awareness.
A few years later, I was awakened one night in the middle of the night by the clamor of characters in my brain insisting that I write down their story right now. Which I did. To life came Vic, Judy, Collin, Matt and Mr. & Mrs. Sandel. At the time of writing their story I saw none of the similarities to my own life (except for the fact that we chose the liberal arts college that I had attended and the time that I had attended as the story's setting). But, years later I was able to recognize the story for what it really was: It was a purging of a part of my being, of several avenues that my life might have taken had I made certain choices in my own life. Like dreams, each and every one of the story's characters represent an aspect of my Self. These might have been aspects of me that had been or were being actualized, or they may have been manifestations of my (perceived or imagined) potentialities, desires, or fantasies. This doesn't really matter because I strongly believe--I know--that these aspects of me are real and, thanks to Charybdis in Pursuit, they have all been realized and expunged from my "to do" or "what if" lists.
Vic Sandel represents one of the strong potentialities of the transcendent, "high" Drew Fisher. The "coming down" from such a transcendent high could have been difficult. It could have been disconcerting, disappointing, a let down. In his excitement, Vic rushed off to try to share his experience with another--with that human being with whom he thought he was so close, with whom he felt the desire to share his every thought, his every breath. And yet he could not get Judy to even remotely share his experience. He could see that, in fact, his experience--or something about him that had changed--was causing fear in his most-beloved. These two events coupled together, coming from his life's highest peak experience and then feeling the utter futility and frustration of unsuccessfully trying to share it with your most beloved "soul mate," had a crushing effect. He came crashing down into utter despondence. "Why go on living if the rest of life is going to be less than that God-Unity experience?" "What could the pain and drudgery of human life possibly offer to compare with those self-less moments?" "Would I just spend the rest of my life trying to replicate, relive or re-attain that place of sublime peace and calm?" "What is the point? What if the only place that I can find those feelings again is in the afterlife? If the afterlife is full of that state of transcendence, what fool would choose to stay here?" etc., etc.
At the time of writing Charybdis in Pursuit Drew Fisher did not have that kind of intimate partner with whom he would or even could try to share his most profound experiences. He had only himself. Which proved just right, for his Self had an answer to his questions, had an allegory to share, had a healing message to share with him . . . in the form of this story.
The other characters of Charybdis in Pursuit provided equally important messages for Drew Fisher regarding the choices one might make when faced with heart-wrenchng shock. In the story, Vic's father and brother get stuck in the "Who's to blame?' line of focus, only Vic's father does little to search for the answers to his question but instead chooses to look at everyone and everything that had anything to do with his dead son as possible co-conspirators. Thus, sadly, he looks at everyone with a little more suspicion, a little more disdain, and a little less trustingly than before. At the same time he is afraid to turn within for fear of seeing what he might have possibly contributed to the choice his son made to take his own life. And, of course, he is ashamed and self-conscious when in public for being known as the father of that "bright boy, Vic" who killed himself. All of the choices in behavior and attitude that Vic's father portrayed I could very easily see myself making.
Vic's brother, Collin, however, chooses to solve his "Who's to blame?" motivation to take the path of trying to find out why Vic might have made the choice he made. He attempts to recreate all of the patterns and circumstances that might have put Vic in a place where suicide might even be a consideration much less an active choice. He treats the "mystery" as one to be solved like a very complicated puzzle. He dives into his college studies, trying to recreate the course schedule and professor relationships and reading materials that might have contributed to Vic's evolution. He also tries to pursue a friendship with Judy, Vic's girlfriend, in order to clandestinely dig into her memories of Vic. All with the hopes of unravelling the mysteries of Vic's psyche.
Vic's youngest brother, Matt, all-American athlete, foregoes Division I athletic scholarship offers in order to attend the same small liberal arts school that Vic was attending. Feeling like he is being sucked into a blackhole of anger and anguish, Matt grasps for anything and everything that might help him feel closer to his beloved big brother, whom he idolized. He finds curiosity and desperation to be convenient tools that lead him to succumb to peer pressure to try numbing activities like heavy drinking, experimental drug use, violent sex, and party- and football-related brutality--all in the effort to distract himself from his pain. Matt's mislaid efforts to remain as close to his dead brother as possible run afoul, however, when he pursues a reckless and passionate relationship with Vic's willing but also desperate girlfriend, Judy. Judy's eventual wising up to the mutually self-destructive nature of their relationship and her successive breakup send Matt into an accelerated tailspin of desperation in the form of serious drug use.
Again, all of the characters in this novel speak to me. All of them have very real "lessons" to offer me. I could very easily have traveled down the paths I wrote about for any of the main characters that appear in Charybdis in Pursuit. The fact that I didn't is, I believe, due in part to the fact that I was able to "live" them through the writing of them. The effort and dedication I gave to the writing and dissemination of this story, I believe, was like my "Get Out of Jail Free" pass: I did not have to live any of these life paths because I wrote them for "others" to live. The same goes for any story, fictional or biographical, that I encounter: the characters and events and story of these books become "real" to me; I become a part of the worlds and minds and emotions of these characters--and their authors!--and "live"--if only vicariously, but, still, "live"--the stories that I read (or, in the case of film and television, watch on the screen). In the same way that Jungian dream therapy works, one can look at all of the characters and events of any story that one is exposed to as your own--as reflections of possibilities of choices your own soul or Monad might have made (but now does not necessarily have to since it just experienced [and possibly learned from] it in the "external" form that it just encountered).
The World is your oyster. The World is your World. The World is You! Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy are me! And, as with any teacher who has affected my life, I am ever so grateful for their presence in my life.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
The Teachers: Bill Fisher
Bill Fisher played the role of Journeyman Paul's biological father on this, the Drew Fisher go round. Bill made use of a human body on planet Earth from May 20, 1934 to August 31, 2001. For 67 years he played within the rules and confines of the human condition. I really don't know whether or not he had fun, whether he succeeded in achieving the goals he and his spirit team set forth when he chose the Bill Fisher vehicle or not. I really have no idea! I hope so. I do know that when the Twin Towers were destroyed on 9/11, less than two weeks after my father's passing, my very first thoughts in reaction to the televised images were, "Dad! What are you up to now!" Not because Bill Fisher was a bad man. He wasn't even very mischievous. I think my reaction was more an unconscious acknowledgement of the fact that in his new-found freedom he was as free to be as creative as he wanted to be--to join in on any project he might want to. Maybe causing a little mayhem in our world would be fun for him and his spirit gang! It certainly caused quite a stir in our little world!
At Bill Fisher's funeral mass I was the only eulogist. I remember how worried my family was about what I might say. Even I worried! My dad had had some character traits and "skeletons in his closet" that had caused some challenging circumstances for those who lived with and associated with him. I remember the first draft of my speech was filled with such bitterness, such blame and negativity! But by the time I arrived at my final version--the one I gave at the service--I had become convinced that my dad was an angel. I realized that that simple man, that "plumber born with a silver spoon in his mouth," had performed miracles, daily, for many people in his world.
Bill Fisher was a large, awkward, gawky, man who lumbered around with the goofiest, most disarming grin on his face everywhere he went. He presented that kind of odd apparition that caused everyone whose space he entered to momentarily forget their own selves, forget their own troubles and worries, to smile or even laugh at this goofy looking man. What a gift that is: to be taken out of your own self-centeredness--to be distracted from your worries and woes--if only for a few moments. This is the effect my dad had on people.
I, Drew Fisher, am the first born in my brood. I am also my father's namesake--the bearer of a treasured family name dating back to my father's grandfather--whom Bill Fisher adored. Yes, I chose a blue blooded family of privilege in a society of extraordinary privilege and ease. And yet, I never felt comfortable there. I'm not sure my father ever did either. I was always questioning the cornucopia passed my way, always feeling a bit undeserving or ashamed of the bounties and comforts I received. "What had I done to deserve--to earn this?" I was always asking myself.
Obviously, the window of opulence and privilege allowed me to see the other sides. It allowed me to have the freedom and leisure to be able to view other windows. Also, privilege and comfort--and health and education--afforded me with myriad choices that other humans have trouble seeing or realizing. Though I've always wondered at the way things have always magically seemed to fall into place in my life--laughingly said that I must have had a tough past life in order to have earned this life of comfort and ease--I also realize that I may have chosen this life of low suffering and oppression in order to be able to afford the time to attend to my Self-awareness and spiritual growth.
Bill Fisher was the most prominent, nay, primary male role model. Though I grew up knowing that I didn't want to "be like my dad," I see myself recreating many of his patterns, behaviors--even mannerisms--every day of my life--physically, emotionally, and probably mentally as well. But I also see that many of the behavior patterns that he modeled to me--that I observed and discovered--allowed me opportunities to choose otherwise. My father had an addictive personality. Which is no big deal because addiction is what our American way of life breeds most successfully. But my father's addictions caused him to only partially commit to being present in the Here and Now; they prevented him from being able to fully and truthfully commit to any intimate relationships. This pattern alone has been enormously instructive to me. It has affected my choices, consciously, and my mental awareness every single day of my adult life.
Another gift my father's choices gave to me was the boldness and confidence to make my own choices. Bill Fisher made choices for himself that others may not have agreed with--some of which came back to haunt him a bit. But he did establish a model of self-assured 'freedom' that imbued my own foray into adulthood. This, then, allowed me to more confidently pursue some of the independent avenues that I chose for my self--avenues that most certainly contributed greatly to the spiritual awakening, Self awareness, and spiritual pursuits that have so joyfully filled my life. Things like higher education, travel, and time spent in near total dedication to exploring my own creativity.
There are so many nuanced traits and events from my father's life and example that have affected me as to be too numerous to list. Suffice it to say that this troubled man whose addictive behaviors may have side-tracked him from ever establishing his own spiritual path was able to reflect one kind of life path, one kind of life choice to me and many others. Some may feel attracted to or enamored of his choices, his story, his life of privilege. Others may have used his life to help them define other choices for themselves. I say over and over, from a spiritual perspective I see no reason for family loyalty to birth family members or the ties of bondage I see individuals stay bound to over the course of their lifetimes. The role of parents is to expose young humans to experiences that both support and test their physical and psychological strength and commitment to the Earth School experience. Rarely is this done consciously. Most often this is perpetuation of patterns from families and societies and other four-dimensional interrelationships. As a father I felt it my job to try to provide safe, healthy environments for the young humans who had chosen me. But at the same time, I know that I have established patterns of strengths and weaknesses that the Monads who chose to come into my home as my children were equally aware of--that they were choosing to expose themselves to for very specific learning and growth challenges and purposes. To deny another human pain and suffering when that may in fact be exactly what that Monad had ordained for their life experience in order to have the chance of meeting or growing beyond the goals and objectives they had set forth for this Earth incarnation is arrogant and selfish. Likewise, I saw it as my duty to back off and allow the individuals in my bloodline to experience things for themselves--to make decisions knowing that the consequences might have been risky, negative, or even dangerous. There are consequences--effects--from any and every choice one makes. Some choices are more conservative, may seem more "safe," and yet the long term consequences of always choosing safe, conservative options can have equally tremendous effects later on.
One trend that has become endemic to our American and Western culture is the imprisonment of young humans into structures and expectations of "childhood" for periods far longer than is necessary, normal, or healthy. In most cultures every able person over the age of seven years is actively contributing to the social fabric in very real and vital ways. Not in America. We have been trained to remain dependent children for three or four times the expected term of true "childhood." Whereas there the youth used to find apprenticeships, adventure, and, for women, marriage as soon as they were able to bear children, now we have "adolescence." The teenager is forced to serve a prison sentence in which there is a period of sustained stewing in the collective stew of hormonal juices, in which they are forced to expend their tremendous stores of creative energy on competitive pursuits like sports and grades and dating, where they are forced to learn incredibly tedious and boring things which have absolutely no use or relationship to adult living for interminably long, drawn out periods of time, and where they are forced to subject themselves to externally imposed assignations of provisional and contingent self-worth according to the whims of other "experts," "authorities," and bullies of our system of social stratification. It is brutal, unnatural, and numbing. It is the reason--and period in which we experiment with and find our primary and secondary addictions. (Addictions are important keys to control of the masses as they promote distraction, self-consciousness, self-doubt and, fear [of being caught], need for income [and/or debt], and increased dependency--all of which distract or disable the individual from standing up against the injustices of their slave-masters and the authoritarian system enslaving them.)
Since I was a child there has developed an additional period of childhood dependence in which the so-called "education" experience is extended for the "finding oneself" period of the late teens and early twenties. This is the period where you either get used to working for The Man and begin to enslave yourself to Him for the rest of your life through job, mortgage, and other forms of debt, or you learn to lead a subsistence "off the map" life in order to try to stay out of the sights of The Man.
Today's humans are purposely trained to get used to a state of perpetual dependency--of never thinking for themselves, of relying on other so-called "experts" and "bosses" and "authorities" for dictating their choices. To choose otherwise--to choose independence--is unusual, abnormal, and resented by the brainwashed masses. In many respects Bill Fisher was a product of his society, a product of his conditioning, a desirable outcome of the social programming of the scheming Elite. Despite my best intentions and attempts, my own children are also very much unconsciously ensconced within the flow and fabric of mainstream society. Yet, thanks to Bill Fisher and his amazing wife, my mother, they have options, they have opportunities to get out. But, again, the choice is theirs and theirs alone. And with every choice they make, they will always be granted other choices, over and over and over and over . . . There is never a right or a wrong choice. Each and every choice brings with it myriad opportunities for learning. Some lessons get learned, some get missed. There is no right or wrong. This is another of the wonderful gifts to me of the legacy of Bill Fisher. There is never any right or wrong. There is only choice. Perpetual choice.
At Bill Fisher's funeral mass I was the only eulogist. I remember how worried my family was about what I might say. Even I worried! My dad had had some character traits and "skeletons in his closet" that had caused some challenging circumstances for those who lived with and associated with him. I remember the first draft of my speech was filled with such bitterness, such blame and negativity! But by the time I arrived at my final version--the one I gave at the service--I had become convinced that my dad was an angel. I realized that that simple man, that "plumber born with a silver spoon in his mouth," had performed miracles, daily, for many people in his world.
Bill Fisher was a large, awkward, gawky, man who lumbered around with the goofiest, most disarming grin on his face everywhere he went. He presented that kind of odd apparition that caused everyone whose space he entered to momentarily forget their own selves, forget their own troubles and worries, to smile or even laugh at this goofy looking man. What a gift that is: to be taken out of your own self-centeredness--to be distracted from your worries and woes--if only for a few moments. This is the effect my dad had on people.
I, Drew Fisher, am the first born in my brood. I am also my father's namesake--the bearer of a treasured family name dating back to my father's grandfather--whom Bill Fisher adored. Yes, I chose a blue blooded family of privilege in a society of extraordinary privilege and ease. And yet, I never felt comfortable there. I'm not sure my father ever did either. I was always questioning the cornucopia passed my way, always feeling a bit undeserving or ashamed of the bounties and comforts I received. "What had I done to deserve--to earn this?" I was always asking myself.
Obviously, the window of opulence and privilege allowed me to see the other sides. It allowed me to have the freedom and leisure to be able to view other windows. Also, privilege and comfort--and health and education--afforded me with myriad choices that other humans have trouble seeing or realizing. Though I've always wondered at the way things have always magically seemed to fall into place in my life--laughingly said that I must have had a tough past life in order to have earned this life of comfort and ease--I also realize that I may have chosen this life of low suffering and oppression in order to be able to afford the time to attend to my Self-awareness and spiritual growth.
Bill Fisher was the most prominent, nay, primary male role model. Though I grew up knowing that I didn't want to "be like my dad," I see myself recreating many of his patterns, behaviors--even mannerisms--every day of my life--physically, emotionally, and probably mentally as well. But I also see that many of the behavior patterns that he modeled to me--that I observed and discovered--allowed me opportunities to choose otherwise. My father had an addictive personality. Which is no big deal because addiction is what our American way of life breeds most successfully. But my father's addictions caused him to only partially commit to being present in the Here and Now; they prevented him from being able to fully and truthfully commit to any intimate relationships. This pattern alone has been enormously instructive to me. It has affected my choices, consciously, and my mental awareness every single day of my adult life.
Another gift my father's choices gave to me was the boldness and confidence to make my own choices. Bill Fisher made choices for himself that others may not have agreed with--some of which came back to haunt him a bit. But he did establish a model of self-assured 'freedom' that imbued my own foray into adulthood. This, then, allowed me to more confidently pursue some of the independent avenues that I chose for my self--avenues that most certainly contributed greatly to the spiritual awakening, Self awareness, and spiritual pursuits that have so joyfully filled my life. Things like higher education, travel, and time spent in near total dedication to exploring my own creativity.
There are so many nuanced traits and events from my father's life and example that have affected me as to be too numerous to list. Suffice it to say that this troubled man whose addictive behaviors may have side-tracked him from ever establishing his own spiritual path was able to reflect one kind of life path, one kind of life choice to me and many others. Some may feel attracted to or enamored of his choices, his story, his life of privilege. Others may have used his life to help them define other choices for themselves. I say over and over, from a spiritual perspective I see no reason for family loyalty to birth family members or the ties of bondage I see individuals stay bound to over the course of their lifetimes. The role of parents is to expose young humans to experiences that both support and test their physical and psychological strength and commitment to the Earth School experience. Rarely is this done consciously. Most often this is perpetuation of patterns from families and societies and other four-dimensional interrelationships. As a father I felt it my job to try to provide safe, healthy environments for the young humans who had chosen me. But at the same time, I know that I have established patterns of strengths and weaknesses that the Monads who chose to come into my home as my children were equally aware of--that they were choosing to expose themselves to for very specific learning and growth challenges and purposes. To deny another human pain and suffering when that may in fact be exactly what that Monad had ordained for their life experience in order to have the chance of meeting or growing beyond the goals and objectives they had set forth for this Earth incarnation is arrogant and selfish. Likewise, I saw it as my duty to back off and allow the individuals in my bloodline to experience things for themselves--to make decisions knowing that the consequences might have been risky, negative, or even dangerous. There are consequences--effects--from any and every choice one makes. Some choices are more conservative, may seem more "safe," and yet the long term consequences of always choosing safe, conservative options can have equally tremendous effects later on.
One trend that has become endemic to our American and Western culture is the imprisonment of young humans into structures and expectations of "childhood" for periods far longer than is necessary, normal, or healthy. In most cultures every able person over the age of seven years is actively contributing to the social fabric in very real and vital ways. Not in America. We have been trained to remain dependent children for three or four times the expected term of true "childhood." Whereas there the youth used to find apprenticeships, adventure, and, for women, marriage as soon as they were able to bear children, now we have "adolescence." The teenager is forced to serve a prison sentence in which there is a period of sustained stewing in the collective stew of hormonal juices, in which they are forced to expend their tremendous stores of creative energy on competitive pursuits like sports and grades and dating, where they are forced to learn incredibly tedious and boring things which have absolutely no use or relationship to adult living for interminably long, drawn out periods of time, and where they are forced to subject themselves to externally imposed assignations of provisional and contingent self-worth according to the whims of other "experts," "authorities," and bullies of our system of social stratification. It is brutal, unnatural, and numbing. It is the reason--and period in which we experiment with and find our primary and secondary addictions. (Addictions are important keys to control of the masses as they promote distraction, self-consciousness, self-doubt and, fear [of being caught], need for income [and/or debt], and increased dependency--all of which distract or disable the individual from standing up against the injustices of their slave-masters and the authoritarian system enslaving them.)
Since I was a child there has developed an additional period of childhood dependence in which the so-called "education" experience is extended for the "finding oneself" period of the late teens and early twenties. This is the period where you either get used to working for The Man and begin to enslave yourself to Him for the rest of your life through job, mortgage, and other forms of debt, or you learn to lead a subsistence "off the map" life in order to try to stay out of the sights of The Man.
Today's humans are purposely trained to get used to a state of perpetual dependency--of never thinking for themselves, of relying on other so-called "experts" and "bosses" and "authorities" for dictating their choices. To choose otherwise--to choose independence--is unusual, abnormal, and resented by the brainwashed masses. In many respects Bill Fisher was a product of his society, a product of his conditioning, a desirable outcome of the social programming of the scheming Elite. Despite my best intentions and attempts, my own children are also very much unconsciously ensconced within the flow and fabric of mainstream society. Yet, thanks to Bill Fisher and his amazing wife, my mother, they have options, they have opportunities to get out. But, again, the choice is theirs and theirs alone. And with every choice they make, they will always be granted other choices, over and over and over and over . . . There is never a right or a wrong choice. Each and every choice brings with it myriad opportunities for learning. Some lessons get learned, some get missed. There is no right or wrong. This is another of the wonderful gifts to me of the legacy of Bill Fisher. There is never any right or wrong. There is only choice. Perpetual choice.
Monday, June 8, 2015
The Teachers: Michael Newton, Susan Wisehart and Life-Between-Life Awareness
I had been exposed to the concept of reincarnation and past-lives when I was in college. It resonated with me immediately. It made sense. It felt right. It felt like truth--truth that I had somehow always known but had never really been allowed to consider much less identify with. No one had ever helped me to understand that I had the choice to think of things beyond our own world, our own human lives. With the help of many, many teachers I was able to be re-acquainted with not only the knowledge of the existence of a spiritual world and of other life form possibilities for our spiritual selves, our "souls," but I was able to access alternate realities, alternative vistas of consciousness, and, eventually, other human identities that my own soul had used and/or occupied. But it was not until I stumbled upon Michael Newton's book, Destiny of Souls that I finally found Truth in full tapestry.
Michael Newton, as you may recall from previous podcasts, is the military-trained hypnotherapist who, while over the course of a lay practice of health-oriented hypnotherapy in which he would routinely audiotape his sessions, was exposed to thousands of hours of treatment sessions in which his clients would "travel" to "places" other than the here and now, other than Earth, other than their own current bodies and lifetimes. A scientist and practical man, Dr. Newton found himself resolutely resistant to considering that any of the alternate lifetime information being revealed in his clients' hypnotherapy sessions could be based in any kind of reality, suppressed any recognition or validation of these hours of tapes. Then, after forty years he decided to retire from his normal practice, to review all of the tapes and see if he could gather syphon, synthesize any kind of patterns, consistencies, or to support any possibility that there could be any truth or credibility to the hundreds of stories coming out of his clients while under hypnosis. 1994's Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives and 2000's Destiny of Souls: New Case Studies of Life Between Lives are the results of his findings and continued research and exploration.
I was lucky enough to stumble upon the two books soon after the second one was published--which was timed beautifully with the "end" of my first marriage, the "end" of my Esoteric Healing training, and the "end" of my discipleship to the Conversation with God book and tape series. Reading destiny of Souls afforded me immediately a deep and profound sense of comfort and relief such as I had never before (as Drew Fisher) felt. And it lasted. It was as if all I had come to believe had been confirmed and validated. It was wonderful!
After I passed the books on to my current partner, Toril, she immediately suggested that we try to find therapists who had trained with Dr. Newton in order to seek out Life Between Life Therapy sessions for ourselves. We had trouble locating any in our area but felt and immediate and attracted comfortable with Susan Wisehart who was practicing hypnotherapy, soul retrieval and LBL therapy in the Chicago suburbs. This was quite a hike for us, and with our respective commitments to our still-young children, we decided to do our sessions one at a time. Toril went first. Her drive home and entire next few days were filled with wonders and delights from the three-hour session she had with Susan. It is here that I was first reacquainted with a name that is used to identify me (my Monad) in the Spirit World, Paul. Hence, the "Journeyman Paul" title to this podcast series.
Toril achieved full success in her LBL session: accessing the LBL world through the deathing scene of a previous Earth incarnation (with all of the life-information that comes with re-entering that consciousness), incredibly joyful reunion with her Soul Family--the membership of which posed several astonishing surprises, as well as the culmination of an audience with her Council of Wise Elders in which she was allowed to ask questions and have them answered. A beautiful and profoundly moving, emotional, joy-filled experience that Toril still draws from to this day.
A year later it was my turn. Susan is so skilled at this work. Her verbal cues prompt but do not provoke, her patience is boundless, her skill at helping the journey get unstuck without providing leading or pushy statements, and, of course, her ability to stay centered, detached and non-judgmental while at the same time holding the nurturing, sacred space necessary for progressing along one's individual journey is amazing. My session met with several 'stumbling blocks' in that Paul had trouble letting go of emotional baggage from his Earth previous incarnations. Issues of regret, failure, Low self-esteem, had rendered him stuck in a state of feeling unworthy of love and attention--even in the Spirit World. It took a long time for his journey to even allow him to try to re-join his Soul Family. But eventually he was abel to have a semi-successful reunion--though the frustrations of two of his teacher/guide/mentors were felt and expressed a few times. In retrospect, I now know that I, Drew Fisher, still had some growing and discovery to do in order for me to smoothly and fully experience reunion with my special community in the Spirit World. It was not until my second session with Susan Wisehart--some two years after the first session--that I was able to achieve fully successful and open reunion with my Soul Community--including my guides, my soul family, and my Council of Wise Elders.
Life Between Life therapy is something that continues "to give back" long after the session with the trained hypnotherapist happens. Both of my sessions remain alive, accessible, and informing to my present day life on almost a daily basis. The information one acquires during the LBL session offers insights, perspectives, and glimmers of comprehensibility into past, current, and future events and patterns . . . forever. Also, Toril and I have both experienced ready and easy access to new LBL and past life information by review, meditation, or "re-entry" into specific scenes from our LBL sessions with Susan. All of Journeyman Paul's past lives remain accessible and giving of new information so long as I remain interested and focused--or, as I believe to be more accurate, so long as Paul thinks that the information and awareness will be of help to the current growth issues and processes that I am working with.
While there have been many, many teachers who have helped me with my exposure to and comprehension of reincarnation, past lives, and death and dying, such as Cyril Scott, Elisabeth Haich, Roger Woolger, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Brian Weiss, Robert Ranger, James van Praagh, Sogyal Rinpoche, Sylvia Browne, and, recently, Eben Alexander, none have had the fullness of scope and scientific comprehensiveness that Michael Newton has had. Though self-hypnosis and past-life regression has come easy to me, I have truly benefitted from the training, experience and study that both Michael Newton and Susan Wisehart have committed themselves to in order to bring this information, to bring this therapy, to bring the self-empowering effect of Self-awareness to the world--to me. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Susan. You have been facilitators of great learning and growth.
Michael Newton, as you may recall from previous podcasts, is the military-trained hypnotherapist who, while over the course of a lay practice of health-oriented hypnotherapy in which he would routinely audiotape his sessions, was exposed to thousands of hours of treatment sessions in which his clients would "travel" to "places" other than the here and now, other than Earth, other than their own current bodies and lifetimes. A scientist and practical man, Dr. Newton found himself resolutely resistant to considering that any of the alternate lifetime information being revealed in his clients' hypnotherapy sessions could be based in any kind of reality, suppressed any recognition or validation of these hours of tapes. Then, after forty years he decided to retire from his normal practice, to review all of the tapes and see if he could gather syphon, synthesize any kind of patterns, consistencies, or to support any possibility that there could be any truth or credibility to the hundreds of stories coming out of his clients while under hypnosis. 1994's Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives and 2000's Destiny of Souls: New Case Studies of Life Between Lives are the results of his findings and continued research and exploration.
I was lucky enough to stumble upon the two books soon after the second one was published--which was timed beautifully with the "end" of my first marriage, the "end" of my Esoteric Healing training, and the "end" of my discipleship to the Conversation with God book and tape series. Reading destiny of Souls afforded me immediately a deep and profound sense of comfort and relief such as I had never before (as Drew Fisher) felt. And it lasted. It was as if all I had come to believe had been confirmed and validated. It was wonderful!
After I passed the books on to my current partner, Toril, she immediately suggested that we try to find therapists who had trained with Dr. Newton in order to seek out Life Between Life Therapy sessions for ourselves. We had trouble locating any in our area but felt and immediate and attracted comfortable with Susan Wisehart who was practicing hypnotherapy, soul retrieval and LBL therapy in the Chicago suburbs. This was quite a hike for us, and with our respective commitments to our still-young children, we decided to do our sessions one at a time. Toril went first. Her drive home and entire next few days were filled with wonders and delights from the three-hour session she had with Susan. It is here that I was first reacquainted with a name that is used to identify me (my Monad) in the Spirit World, Paul. Hence, the "Journeyman Paul" title to this podcast series.
Toril achieved full success in her LBL session: accessing the LBL world through the deathing scene of a previous Earth incarnation (with all of the life-information that comes with re-entering that consciousness), incredibly joyful reunion with her Soul Family--the membership of which posed several astonishing surprises, as well as the culmination of an audience with her Council of Wise Elders in which she was allowed to ask questions and have them answered. A beautiful and profoundly moving, emotional, joy-filled experience that Toril still draws from to this day.
A year later it was my turn. Susan is so skilled at this work. Her verbal cues prompt but do not provoke, her patience is boundless, her skill at helping the journey get unstuck without providing leading or pushy statements, and, of course, her ability to stay centered, detached and non-judgmental while at the same time holding the nurturing, sacred space necessary for progressing along one's individual journey is amazing. My session met with several 'stumbling blocks' in that Paul had trouble letting go of emotional baggage from his Earth previous incarnations. Issues of regret, failure, Low self-esteem, had rendered him stuck in a state of feeling unworthy of love and attention--even in the Spirit World. It took a long time for his journey to even allow him to try to re-join his Soul Family. But eventually he was abel to have a semi-successful reunion--though the frustrations of two of his teacher/guide/mentors were felt and expressed a few times. In retrospect, I now know that I, Drew Fisher, still had some growing and discovery to do in order for me to smoothly and fully experience reunion with my special community in the Spirit World. It was not until my second session with Susan Wisehart--some two years after the first session--that I was able to achieve fully successful and open reunion with my Soul Community--including my guides, my soul family, and my Council of Wise Elders.
Life Between Life therapy is something that continues "to give back" long after the session with the trained hypnotherapist happens. Both of my sessions remain alive, accessible, and informing to my present day life on almost a daily basis. The information one acquires during the LBL session offers insights, perspectives, and glimmers of comprehensibility into past, current, and future events and patterns . . . forever. Also, Toril and I have both experienced ready and easy access to new LBL and past life information by review, meditation, or "re-entry" into specific scenes from our LBL sessions with Susan. All of Journeyman Paul's past lives remain accessible and giving of new information so long as I remain interested and focused--or, as I believe to be more accurate, so long as Paul thinks that the information and awareness will be of help to the current growth issues and processes that I am working with.
While there have been many, many teachers who have helped me with my exposure to and comprehension of reincarnation, past lives, and death and dying, such as Cyril Scott, Elisabeth Haich, Roger Woolger, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Brian Weiss, Robert Ranger, James van Praagh, Sogyal Rinpoche, Sylvia Browne, and, recently, Eben Alexander, none have had the fullness of scope and scientific comprehensiveness that Michael Newton has had. Though self-hypnosis and past-life regression has come easy to me, I have truly benefitted from the training, experience and study that both Michael Newton and Susan Wisehart have committed themselves to in order to bring this information, to bring this therapy, to bring the self-empowering effect of Self-awareness to the world--to me. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Susan. You have been facilitators of great learning and growth.
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