Art as a Teacher

We have all heard the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I would like to posit here for you that we are all drawn to those experiences, sources, relationships, and information forms that we are ready for--and that those forms of information are all your 'teachers.' In fact, I would like to remind you that you, yourself, have played a primary role in the planning of your adventures, in the creation of the conditions and circumstances that you believe will most benefit you and your soul's evolution. Those things most useful for your growth at this moment, the information most appropriate to your current ability to comprehend, are the things that you, the 'student,' is calling forth. Also, these things are present and available to you, in many forms, at each and every moment.
     Like food, the events and information flowing to and around you offer your soul the nourishment that it craves. Like food, we can get stuck in patterns of what we choose to eat because of familiarity and comfort. Our 21st Century social conditioning and media brainwashing cause us to allow constructs of fear or anxiety to form patterns in our thinking and behavior to which we become overly attached. Yes, they can serve us on many levels, but, ultimately, how they might best serve us is when we are able to recognize them for the patterns of restriction and limitation--or dis-ease--that they are causing. Then we can figure out how to rise above them, throw them off, and choose new patterns less closed off, more open to a greater flow of the great life force that is coming from our True Self, our Divine Essence. So, yeah:  Try new things. 'Eat' and 'drink' while trusting your gut, trusting your intuition--which is the voice of your Higher Self. Ingest with the attitude that whatever you choose to interact with is intended to be useful for your highest good and for the highest good of the Cosmos.
     "When the Personality is ready, the Soul will appear." Except that the Personality, or Ego, is being bombarded with an overwhelming amount of information coming from "outside" and for some time has quite a bit of trouble figuring out which information to trust, which information is in actual fact life-giving 'soul food.' The Personality/Ego can put up quite some resistance to letting go of its comfortable patterns and familiar habits. And yet, the Soul is not expecting huge or immediate change. As a matter of fact, the Soul understands that it is most often the case that the Personality is only able to "try new things" a little at a time. As it is difficult going from a meat and potatoes diet to that of meat and dairy-free vegan or gluten free or even a spicey Asian diet, so, too, is the sudden and radical change of information 'food' for the Personality. And yet, it does happen, it is possible.
     I remember as a young adult I was exposed to some fairly unusual and mind-opening information which was being presented to me through the written form in some books. While I was ready for some of the information to which I was being exposed, my comprehension of the wisdoms conveyed through these books was quite limited. And yet, apparently, I must have recognized at some very deep level that these books offered some very profound and very healthy nourishment for I have continued to return to those books over the past thirty years (both in their actual physical form but also through my memory of their information) with each revisitation providing me with lessons and understanding at far deeper levels.
     A particular form of literature and film that I was strongly attracted to in my twenties and thirties was fiction containing what I call "messianic" characters. Time and time again I found myself buying books or going to movies which displayed a character that provoked in his or her surroundings and within me, the audience, a kind of elevated spirit, an increased courage and empathy for life, love or wisdom. Somehow, these fictional messiahs caused everyone and everything around them to rise or expand in their spiritual awareness and moral principles. Some examples from my own personal encounters include:  Prince Myshkin in Dostoevky's novel The Idiot, Levin in Tolsoy's Anna Karenina, Siddhartha in Hermann Hesse's novel of the same name, Michael Valentine Smith from Robert Heinlein's Stranger in A Strange Land, Judas in Nikos Kazantakis' The Last Tempation of Christ, Donald Shimoda from Richard Bach's Illusions, Paul Atreides from Frank Herbert's Dune series, and even Amory Blaine from F. Scott Fitzgerald's This Side of Paradise. In film I connected with Peter Sellers' character "Chauncey Gardner" from Being There, Rutger Hauer's "Roy" from the sci-fi classic, Blade Runner, Robert Sean Leonard's "Neil" from Dead Poets Society, Christian Slater's character, "Mark," in Pump Up The Volume, Marlon Brando's "Colonel Kurtz" from Apocalypse Now, and Peter Finch's "Howard Beale" in Network--to name a few. I believe that it was my contact with these characters that awakened within me my own "elevated spirit" which then motivated me to dig deeper into the world of esoteric art and symbolism, to make lifestyle choices that were less-than mainstream, and, eventually, to open the flow of my own creative juices (in such forms as writing, music, parenting, and the healing arts). I also believe that the inspiration I received--and here I mean quite literally "inspiration," for the effect of engaging with these particular art forms breathed into me an expanded flow of spiritual energy which then awakened an awareness of and craving for more spiritual information--I believe that the inspiration I received from these creative forms enticed me into seeking out "live" action among and "live" interaction with other humans. I had come to recognize that it is my most comfortable nature to be alone, to live in isolation from the "dangers" of "real life"--to live safely in a cocoon with the stimuli of other human beings' art and creative work to feed me. This is all well and good--there is no right or wrong way to live life on the Earth Plane--and I know I have lived many lives in solitary or monastic life styles--which is why these patterns are so comfortable to me--but something about my confrontation with the art of others kept prodding me to wake up and do something scary--go out into the world. I was able to learn to recognize that it is among my fellow humans, out in the full elements of the Earth School experience, where my most valuable lessons were to be found. It's hard. It's tough work. But it is so rewarding.
     Choosing to live a life vicariously through the artistic expression of others is an understandable and, I admit, viable alternative to the "real thing." But, you still have to eat; you still have to take care of your body, pay bills, and earn the money to pay those bills. Perhaps something will come out of it. Like Walter Mitty, we can live a very vibrant and satisfying life within the free space of a fertile imagination. There is no right or wrong way. Remember, these human lives we live are in fact illusions, constructs we have helped to create, our own movies or plays in which we are actors and, if we choose, writers and directors. With this in mind, who is to say which kind of experience, which kind of information is more valuable for the soul's journey, the imagined or vicarious or the supposed "real"? The advantage art has over real life experience is that it is considered like a highlight reel and therefore full of more compacted "peak" experiences, whereas the "real life" journey we experience in our day to day life is drawn out with those same peak experiences occurring less frequently and much further apart. Also, vicarious living never requires you to own your experiences, you do not have to admit responsibility for the choices made which lead to the sequence of events and their consequences, so it is much easier and "safer." The key to acquiring satisfaction in the "real life" choices, as I've figured it out, so far, is to cultivate perspectives from which one can choose to interpret as many of the "normal" or mundane experiences with the same value and intensity of joy or awe as those artistically created gem. This can be accomplished by living in gratitude, living more fully present, learning to appreciate the 'bigness' of the little things.
     I am reminded for the umpteenth time of a character I ran across in some novel I read 30 years ago or so. It was an elderly professor of some sort living in communist Hungary--in Buda-Pest, to be precise. This quiet, unassuming man was recognized for his expertise on many things, but more he was sought after for his stories and descriptions of some of the most wondrous art, architecture and natural beauty from around the globe. He knew buildings, cities, maps, natural and man-made wonders intimately. You name it and he could talk about it with great intimacy. And yet, when push came to shove, this demure old man had to admit that he had never left his home town--had, in fact, rarely left the comfortable confines of his small apartment. he had never set foot in any of the museums, great monuments or hallowed grounds that he could describe with such clarity and with such glowing fondness. he claimed that all the traveling he'd ever done--that he had ver needed to do--he had done through the thousands of books he had read. In using the writings of others in combination with his own fertile imagination he had gained the profoundly detailed and 'living' intimacy that so many knew him to share.
     This character, from a book, was trying to convince me that all the learning one might ever hope to acquire can be done without ever leaving one's own home or local library! This idea has obviously had a tremendous effect on me--has continued to burn inside me throughout my life. The conundrum posed here is, as it turns out, a central lesson, a key lesson, to my own path of growth and expansion. To break free of those safe, comfortable, familiar patterns in order to take risks, to have to confront my own ability or inability to handle the barrage of information coming at me every time I leave my home turf. It's daunting, challenging, scary, yet so rewarding! There is so much to be learned about oneself in 'conflict', that is, when having to face minute -to minute decisions. When caught in Ego Personality thinking one will most likely react from past established patterns of behavior. By breathing fully, by detaching from expectations and outcomes, by allowing oneself to feel and experience each every moment--and then to choose to interpret these "risky" "scary" encounters with the "real world" with the perspective of information, of 'food', to be used--or not used--for your health, sustenance, and growth--then can one let go of fear and begin to rust and enjoy the moment, enjoy the stimulus, value and find gratitude for the gift that is this moment, that is the many forms of information available to you--available for you to use as 'food' for your ever-growing ever-expanding concept of Who You Really Are and Who You Want to Be. This is part of what makes Life so Beautiful--of what makes Life such a great choice, what makes the human experience such an amazing vehicle, what makes the Earth School such an exciting playground!
     Lest you think that I am diminishing or denouncing the value of art and imagination as unequal 'food' for soul growth, I will add that I know that artful expression and free and active imagination are  quite useful as tools in the 'real world'. Art is provocative and evocative in ways similar to that of subjective activity. It's similar to if you were to take a divergent trip using another person's vehicle. The vehicle may not be yours and may be somewhat unfamiliar or different, and the ride may be intense and much more like a rollercoaster because the plan has been set up by someone else, but the way in which you experience, interpret and use the information gained from the experience can most certainly be as valuable as your own vehicle's experiences. The roller coaster ride is just a bit more controlled and prescribed. Your personal journey will be much more exciting if only for the fact that you can turn in any direction at any time that you choose knowing full well that whatever is ahead of you--or behind you--is yours and all yours to use in any way that you wish. And the more open you become to the ego-less flow of Universal energy and spiritual perspective the better able you will be to handle any and all encounters you draw to your Self. With spiritual flow comes openness and detachment. With spiritual perspective comes recognition of the Divinity inspiring every one and everything "outside" us--the same Divinity that flows through us, that is our True Nature, that is our common Home.
   

The Soul Family, Part 2

The concept of the "Soul Family" is one that you've heard in bits and pieces during the course of my podcast series. There is a lot of information one can glean on the topic from books written by Alice Bailey, C.W. Leadbeater, H.P. Blavatsky, Annie Besant, Elisabeth Haich, Cyril Scott, Brian Weiss, Roger Woolger, and Alan Hopking. However, the best anecdotal evidence you will come across will be found in publications by Michael Newton, Sylvia Brown and Susan Wisehart. The information these three offer has been derived from thousands of hours of recorded hypnotherapy "past" and "life-between-life" sessions with hundreds of patients over many years.
     While I am extremely grateful to all of these writers for the roles they've played in helping me to bring this information to my consciousness, it has really been my own personal experiences with past lives and life-between-life scenarios that has been the most powerful teacher of all. I have been privileged to have had encounters with "other versions" of my Self through meditation, hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis sessions, shamanic journeying sessions, intuitional resonance to information coming into my conscious mind from books and psychic or astrological readings, trusting the intuitive impressions I receive while doing my hands on 'healing' work, and even through the medium of dreams and dream interpretation. What I have come to understand is that Journeyman Paul--my 'oversoul'--has led me to these encounters expressly for the purpose of exposing me, Drew Fisher, to information that would, hopefully, awaken an interest in and, eventually, a belief, trust, and confidence in the reality of the Soul and the Spirit World.
     The myriad glimpses into other versions of Journeyman Paul that I have had have made vivid, lasting, and ever-accessible impressions on my Drew Fisher consciousness. These impressions have, then, I believe, allowed me deeper access to the wealth of knowledge, wisdom and power that is available to me in my Unconscious. I also find myself deeply fortified by the incontrovertible knowledge my first-hand experiences have provided in support of the existence of a Spiritual World; knowing that these many, many souls are behind me--that so many loving beings are working with me, working for me, in my efforts to use this Earth School experience for the progress, evolution and advancement of my Soul--has comforted me beyond any ability I have to express.
     While I believe that the Spirit World is 'constructed' differently for each of us--that we each have our own singular version of the Spirit World as befitting the state of mind we are in at any particular moment--which can be greatly influenced by the state of mind we may bring back with us from a recent excursion into an Earth School type of experience--I also believe that the forms that we use in the creation of our own view of the Spirit World are very individualistic and highly malleable--that they are not permanent structures, that they can shift or change in an instant with even the slightest change in perspective and certainly with the changes that are effected by growth. My encounters with the Spirit World have shown me this.
     As Journeyman Paul, I have fabricated wildly variant forms and worlds that have served me for my transitions from the Earth School experience to Spirit World 'reality.' This is due to the process one must go through in order to re-adjust to the Spirit World. When we come out of the very limited and myopic perspective of a dense world like Earth School, we need some time. At first the feelings of leaving the human body are so liberating, so invigorating as one sheds the incredible weight and incredibly restrictive layers of what we thought were our 'beliefs,' 'habits,' 'values,' and, heaviest of all, 'memories.' It feels so wonderful that you cannot help but want to fly. And you do!
     Then you are flooded with the feeling that you are expanding, that you are filling up--re-filling--with energy, with strength, with the Light and Love and Fuel that is the Universal Life Source. This might take some time. (Though 'time' does not really exist in the Spirit World. All possibilities and all variations are equally present, equally viable, equally useful, and equally accessible--at the same time. The construct of linear time passage does in fact help the 'recovering human' for the time it takes to fully shed all of the illusions and constructs we used while in the human body.)
     During this period of recovery and 'healing,' the transitioning Soul takes some time to review the recent incarnated life--to review it from the perspective of Spirit and Spiritual Law. This can provide some rather shocking and upsetting 'news' to the Soul as it is confronted--sometimes for the first time--with the Truth and reality of the the constructs and habits that the Ego/Personality became attached. Sometimes we are confronted with the fact that we have carried the same patterns over several incarnations with little or no progress. Sometimes the many layers of illusion created by the Ego can be quite difficult to peel away.
     The event of being confronted with the reality of how little we accomplished in our venture into denser 'realities' can slow our transition back to Spirit Consciousness. The realization that the Plan, that the many goals and desired accomplishments we had hoped to accomplish, was not quite realized can be debilitating, even devastating. This is where the Soul might choose to create a place or period for reflection--a 'limbo' or 'purgatory'--for trying to come to terms with the disappointing news--for processing and healing. Some Souls even require intensive or extensive counseling or 'therapy' in order to fully process and extricate themselves from the emotions that might arise from being faced with the 'Truth' and 'Realities' of the life just lived. With remnants, with lingering attachments to Ego and emotion, we may find that even our interactions with other Souls are tainted or negated for a time. Thus the periods of self-imposed isolation or the guided therapy.
     But, eventually we heal. We recover. We get past the shock, guilt, remorse, and low Self-esteem. Ultimately, we re-member to stop self-identifying with the actions, patterns and 'failures' of those fabricated lives. And then, once we are able to return to the perspective of Spirit Consciousness, we can remember that we are on a Path of Evolution.
     Eventually, we are reunited with the community of Souls with whom we have interacted and 'played' over and over. Among this group of familiar 'classmates,' guides and counsellors, we all have an Inner Circle that is made up of our most trusted and beloved companions and guides--Souls that with whom we have worked quite intimately over the course of many forays into the denser realms of experience. While these Souls may join together and 'travel' together for a long time, the constitution of this Inner Circle or Soul Family is adaptable; its membership can change. An Intimate Soul may out-grow his Family or it may find another Circle with which it would like to work for a time and thus choose to move out of your Inner Circle. This takes place with the most generous and tender support, love, and understanding.
     Sometimes it is truly in our best interest to join another group. New group dynamics might be necessary for the acceleration of our growth and progress, or for getting out of "stuck" patterns that might be limiting our personal progress (or that of the Family). This does not mean that we would not 'see' or interact or play roles with soul contracts with each other in other incarnations. It just means that we are seeking variety and different dynamics--which can, of course, be healthy. You see, even though in Spirit Form we are unfettered with the rules and constructs of the denser realms, we do still all have 'traits' and 'tendencies' which we could still call 'personality.' And our mingling and colluding with the same Souls over and over will tend to feed or draw out certain aspects of our Selves more than others. This is only natural within any aspect of a Creation in which we think of ourselves as Self-identifying individuals. We have, after all, made the choice and commitment to participate in the Illusion of Separation.
     The typical community of Souls that one might work with on a regular yet rotating basis usually numbers somewhere around 100. My personal count for Journeyman Paul's Soul Community is 89. The number of Souls participating in one's Inner Circle can range anywhere from around six to 12 to 20! The members of one's Council of Wise Elders is usually three.
     A Soul Family will usually consist of one or more 'guides,' that is, Souls who have attained a somewhat more advanced perspective of Self, Creation, and God. Your Soul Family will also contain a few Souls who are at a similar stage in development as you. You may find one or more Soul Family members who are quite different than you--who have chosen to inspire you or mentor you with pursuits that are quite different and/or more advanced than you and who do not often participate in the denser realms except from 'outside' (or 'inside').
     One of my six Soul Family members is a 'Guide.' She is an entity who calls herself "Malayna." Her 'job' is to watch, support, and guide Souls both in the Spirit World and in their forays into denser realms of experience. Malena or a form of Malena is usually present to meet me or guide me or watch me when I leave an Earth School experience. She is an immensely loving, supportive, understanding and giving being. She is also stern and firm when I need it. While her presence is always supportive, she is not an enabler; she is firm to call me on places, beliefs or patterns to which I have become overly attached. My progress is her primary concern and, unfortunately, I have gotten overly comfortable with several patterns that she has tried to help me confront and detach from, namely, my tendency to choose 'loner' or isolationist life patterns due to the self-pity and low self-worth that I have attached myself to. Perhaps this is why I've been told that practicing "gentleness"--especially gentleness with and for my Self--is the number one priority I'm supposed to try to practice while in this Drew Fisher incarnation.
     Another member of Journeyman Paul's Innermost Circle is the Soul currently incarnated as my wife, Toril. I feel quite privileged to know that Toril is Journeyman Paul's Other Half, his Twin Flame, his Universal Twin. Toril and Paul were 'born' into Creation together during the First Individuation. When God created this world of Duality it became a condition that the Divine Spark in each of Her Participants would agree to work from the perspective of the Illusion of Separation, that is, from an illusory perspective that we are outside of and separate from God even though this is, in fact, a lie. God-ness is our True Essence. It always was and always will be.
     Toril and Paul are the outcomes of this agreement to participate in the process of Creating the Illusion of Separation. We were 'born' as one, yet in (separate) forms, as representatives of the Great Plan, the Idea of Duality. We are polar opposites, negative and positive, yin and yang, female and male. From the same seed pod we entered into a 'World' of Form created through a 'stepping down' in vibration to that of a slightly slower, denser level than that of our Divine Origin.
     Though every Soul participating in the Realm of Creation, in the Illusion of Separation, is born with a Polar Twin, not every Soul chooses to work with their Twin. Toril and Paul have chosen to work separately on many occasions. We have also chosen to work together on many occasions. As described in Episode 14: "The Cosmic Game of Hide and Seek," we know that our 'play time' together in these current incarnations on Earth were hard fought--that we were required to earn our time together in this, Toril's last Earth incarnation.
     We also know that there were not many Earth excursions in which we had easy paths. More often Toril and Paul created Life Plans spattered with many obstacles to scenarios of blissful love because we knew that our greatest potentialities for growth and progress lay in paths of in which we are forced to struggle with the Illusion of Separation. This is, in fact, a mirror and metaphor for the very journey that all Souls are on ever since they were birthed into Creation, into the world of Dualities, into the Illusion of Separation:  We are trying to re-gain total and eternal immersion with the God-Consciousness; using the Illusion of Separation, we are creating scenario after scenario which help us to first progress as far away from god-Consciousness as possible in order to then try to figure out how to undo the shackles of illusory perspectives, so that we can rediscover our God-ness and Wholeness. It is through testing ourselves with these 'deep sea dives' into the murkiest 'matter,' the densest pressures, the slowest vibrational confines, that we can rise up to our greatest achievements.
     Another member of Journeyman Paul's Soul Family is currently incarnated on Earth as my daughter, Madeline. Madeline and Paul have, I know, played other lifetimes as partners, lovers, as well as other blood relatives. This helps to explain our incredibly close bond.
     My other daughter from this incarnation as Drew Fisher, Hannah, is noncommittal as to whether or not she is in Journeyman Paul's Soul Family. "Maybe," she says to me as she usually floats above the rest of us like an angel. Perhaps she has been in Paul's Soul Family and is moving into another; perhaps she is testing the waters, thinking about joining us. My intuition thinks the former is more likely as the Angel Hannah recently informed me that she and Paul had twice been born into Earth incarnations as twins and that we had also often played important roles as adversaries for one another.
    Mimi and Kevin--the same Mimi and Kevin of podcast Episode 21--presented themselves as two more members of Journeyman Paul's most intimate circle of Souls in a recent LBL session.
     There is also a 'giant' of a male soul who, until recently, has usually remained rather silent, distant, and noncommital in my 'meetings' with Journeyman Paul's Soul Family. I know that he watches and 'walks' with me but that he is also very involved in many other important jobs in the spirit world. I call him Peter because he told me that he is playing a supportive role in the current life of my brother of that name. When Peter has chosen to interact with me, he offers incredibly loaded yet Self-empowering tidbits using very dramatic scenes and forms to do so. I always find the gift of his attentions to be quite overwhelming, humbling, and emotional. He tends to give me "things" that contain layers upon layers of latent meaning and symbolism--and which serve to spur me on--no, which demand of me that I seek deeper, bigger, stronger, more powerful and more active and outgoing versions of my Self to bring to the World.
       One aspect of the Soul Family concept might be difficult to comprehend. That is the fact that we each have our own Soul Family each made up of its own distinctly different members. For example, Toril's Soul Family contains only two other members common to Journeyman Paul's Family. Hannah and Madeline each have their own Soul Families of which Paul may or may not be a member. Also, the listener may have noticed that Journeyman Paul's Innermost Circle does not contain any of Drew Fisher's family of origin blood relatives. Not my mother, not my father, not any of my brothers, not any of my grand parents--though all of these were present as Souls in that greater community of 89 that I mentioned before--and would consider that all of these contributed greatly, lovingly, and positively to my life as Drew Fisher. Neither is the mother of my daughters in this Earth incarnation present in Journeyman Paul's Soul Family--nor any of the deep profound loves I had in this life (aside from Mimi and Toril, of course). My point is: When it comes to the make up of your Soul Family, don't get attached to your expectations. In fact, it may serve you better to expect the unexpected!
     The Soul Family is that small, intimate group of souls that works together to best support an individual Soul's progress and growth. I imagine that the Soul Families are 'governed' or counseled--and perhaps even brought together--by that individual's Soul Council or Council of Wise Elders as The Councils are really the true guides for overseeing whatever it takes to provide the best service and support for the advancement and progress of a particular individual soul. Everyone has their own individual Path in the effort to try to "break the spell" of the Illusion of Separation--to get back to total and complete immersion and re-union with the Unified Field Consciousness, with the Divine Source, with our God-ness. The Soul Family and the Council of Wise Elders are part of the team that is trying to help each individual soul achieve evolution and re-unification successfully.

Healing with The Cosmic Rays

If you listened to podcast Episode 16: "Love and The Cosmic Rays" you will have heard my introduction to The Cosmic Rays of Life Force, and specifically the Three Primary Rays:  Ray 1, the Ray of Will and Power and Sacrifice, Ray 2, the Ray of Love and Wisdom, and Ray 3, the Ray of Active Intelligence, Knowledge and Information. You may remember that I also mentioned in that podcast that there were many more Rays permeating and enriching all of Creation as well as the human experience. Rays 4 through 12 are especially applicable to the human experience, but, for the purposes of today's information, we will be working with Rays One through Seven.
     As promised in this Episode's title, today I'm going to present some very practical ways that you can use the basic Cosmic Rays. What I'm saying is that the Seven Rays can actually be used--that you can learn to work with the energies of each of the Rays--and that everybody can do it, everybody has access and the ability.
     The Seven Rays can be used for your own healing and they can be learned to orchestrate change, to help facilitate the discovery and letting go of congested, restricted flow of energy. As a matter of fact, all pain and suffering, all dis-ease, is the result of congested, restricted flow of energy--of inhibited Soul Life. As I mentioned in previous podcasts, the Soul is trying to come shining through in order to realize some of the higher goals for growth and evolution that it had set forth in the plan it created before entering your human bodymind, but the conditions and restrictions that come with accepting a "mission" in the human condition must first be overcome, must be discovered as the constructs--for being the 'illusions' that they are--before one can rise above and tap into the Soul information coming from your Higher Mind. It's tough. It is not easy. It is not meant to be.
     The years we spend getting used to the human and Earth School experience and their rules result in the creation of a Personality. A Personality has a point of view, an Ego. It is a complicated and thickly woven tapestry of patterns which finds comfort and pride in the constructs it has worked so hard to fabricate.
     The Ego becomes attached to its familiar patterns. It learns to identify with the 'tapestry' that has provided it with success in traveling through the murky tar pits of human. Sometimes the attachment becomes quite strong, which can make the job of letting go difficult. Still, the Soul is quite persistent. It's commitment to its mission is unwavering; its energy never stops sending its insistent signal, "Remember what we came here for. Remember what we came here for..." just as our Divine Source never stops circulating to and through us its energy of Life-Force, the life-giving energy of the the Cosmic Rays.
     If a Personality/Ego becomes too stubborn or recalcitrant and fails to give up its control, then that individual may leave its human vehicle without ever having really addressed much less tackled the issues and lessons that the Soul had planned for it. And this is fine. The Soul will simply retreat into the Spirit World where it will spend time in review and reflection, assessing its gains and 'failures,' while at the same time re-energizing. Then it will decide on its next goals, on whether or not it wants to make another 'dive' into Earth School, and, if it does decide to return to the human experience, what it will do differently in order to try to ensure a higher potential for success.
     Learning to use the Rays can help you to speed along this process, for, in the very act of using the Rays you are giving power to the Spiritual World, in the act of trying to actively direct the Universal Life Force, you are admitting at least the chance that there exists a power or force that is above, within or outside you--a force that is not taught in publicly-endorsed or publicly-sanctioned institutions (except for the fact that the energy of the Cosmic Rays is one and the same with that of prayer--which is, after all, simply directed thought--and remember:  thought is the Creative Force, Energy follows Thought, God is Higher Mind). In attempting to use or in learning to direct energy using Higher Mind you are negating all the conditioning and structures of the Ego--you are, in fact, acknowledging and endorsing the placebo effect, you are tapping into the potential of psychosomatic phenomena, you are giving power to your imagination (which has the word "mage" in it, thus acknowledging the Inner Wise Self and "magic" that can come from that Source). When taking the time and making the effort to use the Cosmic Rays, to use your creative forces, to use your imagination, you are "awakening"--or asking for the increased flow of--your Soul information--the information that your Soul knows and understands the best. With an increased flow of Soul information, of creativity, imagination, and Universal Life Force, you are bringing into your being a warmth that begins to thaw, soften and, eventually, wash away the thick 'tar' that surrounds or cakes your True Essence, the "multi-faceted diamond" that resides inside the constructs of your Personality/Ego. The more you ask, the more you trust, the more you believe, the more you 'feel' the effects of the increased flow of Universal Life Force, the more you will find yourself able to rise above, to step 'outside' of, the thick constraints of the physical, emotional and mental forms that you created for your use. Then, you will find that the human bodymind that You occupy will be able to become Your servant--that your human vehicle will be able to be the agent for the Soul to fulfill the goals it made when it formed its plan to invest itself in the Earth School experience.
    So, what do you think? Are ready and willing to try to give the Cosmic Rays a chance? Are you ready for a little exercise? The first thing we need to do is make some mental acknowledgement that whatever you are about to attempt is being done for the Highest Good of You and the Cosmos--that your Ego is not getting in the way and trying to manipulate energy for its own power or benefit (which will tap into another lesser powered and more benign form of Energy anyway). Then you need to become trusting of the fact that you have a a point from which you can direct this Higher Form of Energy. You can use your Mind to learn to direct Energy from any place on your body or from any point in the Cosmos (as our Higher Mind is not bound to the reference point of the human bodymind that it is using and can, therefore, take on a perspective of awareness from any point in the Imagination), but I like to have people try to use a place between the eyebrows, just above the nose, to try to 'imagine' a initiatory place of force. Some use the thought of either the pituitary or pineal glands to reference this place in the human anatomy. I feel it precisely in a place that is just inside the frontal bone between the eyebrows (even with my unibrow) about two centimeters above the nose bones. Some people will have you call this place the Third Eye others the Ajna. I'm not sure which it really is but I have also found that I can imagine and feel this force coming from many other places on my body. However, I think that by using this place in the head, above and between the eyes, you are 'forcing' the Ego/Personality to give credit and power to a "higher" power, that you are in effect reducing the effects that Ego could have on the outcome due to such limiting behaviors as doubt, distrust, and desire. Because you are using a 'place' that doesn't really exist in the human system of information called the anatomy, you are again giving power, control and affirmation to a part of you, a part of Creation, that is outside of your empirical senses and scientifically biased lower mind and thereby again giving more energy and acknowledgement to the unmeasurable Universal Life Force.
     Anyway. Let's get back to the exercise. To enhance your chances for success in the exercise, find a quiet comfortable place to rest your body. Closing your eyes will probably greatly enhance your ability to 'feel' the effects of this exercise. Do a body check--try to sense where in your body there exists pain, discomfort or tension. Once you've found a spot--one that you'd like to try to 'treat'--try directing with your mind, from your Ajna, a paintbrush or a beam or whatever tool or form you would like to imagine being directed from your Third Eye with the intentions for the "Highest Good"--imagine that paintbrush applying the healing paint of Universal Life Force, of chi, ki, prana, or medicine--whatever you choose--to that area that you've chosen. Feel free to play around with the paintbrush--with the type of paintbrush you choose to use--even with the colors of 'paint' that you choose to apply. Try long strokes, broad strokes, thin strokes, pokes and dots, circles and spirals, aggressive or gentle and slow--anything you can imagine. See if you can feel--and here I really mean feel--an effect of your ministrations--see if you can feel it in your pain levels, in your temperature, in the 'colors' you 'see' with your eyes closed. See if you can sense a change in the thickness or stickiness of the energy in the area you are stroking.
     Next try asking for specific Rays or specific colors to be your choice of 'paint' that you are working with. As you call for different Rays see if you can see or feel a difference in the effect or with how deeply or thinly each ray 'connects' or resonates with the pain and congestion in the site you have chose to give your attentions to. You will probably find that one or a few Rays are more effective in the area and that others feel less effective.
     Ray 7 is the governing Ray of the Basic Center (also called the Root Chakra). Ray 7 is the Ray of Organization, Ceremonial Order and Ritual. It is the Ray which links spirit and matter and it works through law, organization and ritual. Man's basic biological and physiological needs or "deficiencies"--including the need for air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, and sleep--are managed and coordinated here. Psychologically, Ray 7 imbues one with a delight in order and perfection of form. For the purposes of our exercise, it will usually be most effective with boney tissues, with urinary tract issues. Emotionally, Ray 7 will provide help in quieting Fear and in boosting Courage. Mentally, Ray 7 will help with strengthening your commitment to your human body, to the human experience, and to the Earth School experience. But this experiment is really meant to provide you with and experience that you can feel on a very real, very physical level. That is why I've asked you to choose a site on which to focus that is experiencing some pain or discomfort.
      Ray 5 is the governing Ray of the Sacral Center. Ray 5 is the Ray of Concrete Knowledge and Science. On the physical level, it is the governing Ray over the pelvis and legs, our reproductive organs and our sense of groundedness. Emotionally it is where we learn to create and deal with our most significant and primary relationships: our relationship with our parents, children, siblings and other blood relatives, as well as husband-wives and other significant others. It is also the place from which we create and derive foundational strength in our relationships with money, property, home, our bodies and our selves. So, in the context of this exercise, should your target site of pain or discomfort be in the legs or lower body (such as menstrual or intestinal cramps), then you may find Ray Five to be quite effective.    

     Ray 6 is the governing Ray of the Solar Plexus Center. It is the Ray of Devotion and Idealism. On the physical level it energizes and coordinates the organs in the upper abdomen, specifically, the digestive system. Like the physical digestive system, the Solar Plexus is the Center where we 'digest' all information that we choose to 'ingest' (i.e. give attention to) in order to figure out what is nourishing and what is excrement (that is, unusable [at this time]) to our Selves. This is the Center of our Self-awarenss and Self-definition. The saying, "You are what you eat" is quite fitting for this center's activities--on not only the physical but also the emotional, mental and Ego/Personality levels.  If you have stomach, intestinal, gall bladder or low back problems you might find the application of Ray 6 'paint' to be effective. When directed at the pancreas, blood sugar issues can also be helped with this Ray, though the actual food you are ingesting will probably be a much greater determiner of these issues.

     Ray 2 is the governing Ray of the heart Center and, therefore, of the heart, lungs, diaphragm, thymus gland the circulatory system. Because of the crucial role that blood has in providing life-giving nourishment to every individual cell in the body, you may find that Ray 2 is very effective in helping to treat any issue in the physical body. All healing requires enhanced blood flow both to and from the injured, damaged or congested area. Muscle issues are especially receptive to Ray 2 inputs. The Heart Center is also where our Self is able to look up to find its purpose--to come up with ways to develop and use its talents and strengths.

    The Throat Center is governed by Ray 3, the Ray of Active Intelligence. Through the Throat Center Ray 3 coordinates activity in the thyroid and parathyroid glands, windpipe and bronchial passageways, the arms, the entire lymphatic system as well as to the voice and hearing. The Throat Center is very much in tune with our human mental capacities and creativity. It plays a great role in helping the soul to express itself and its Truth, its highest expression of its greatest version of itself and its gifts and talents as well as its latest understanding of its purpose or mission to the world. The lymphatic system is quite critical to the body mind's process of clearing away used waste materials, of cleansing each and every cell from the debris created by its own work, thus, you will probably find that using Ray 3 will have a powerful effect with working toward healing any injured site. An open, active throat center will also promote healthy use of language to both hear and speak your Truth.

     Ray 4, the Ray of Harmony through Conflict, is the governing Ray of the Ajna or forehead center. Issues with the sinuses, eyes, brain hemispheres, hypothalamus and pituitary gland can be effected when using Ray 4. It is also the Ray of the fascia and dural tissues. The Ajna helps to provide a balanced, 'rainbow' distribution of flow of the Universal Life Force to all of the lower five "Earth" chakras. 

     The Crown Center or First Chakra is governed by Ray 1, the Ray of Will and Power, Will-power, and the Ray of Sacrifice, that is, of making everything sacred and holy. You may find Ray 1 useful in every treatment in that it will provide a boost of energy, of will-power, of 'gasoline' to the injured or congested area. Ray 1 will also be useful in the treatment of issues in which a person gets "stuck" in the "fight or flight" mode of response--like with sleep disorders, hyperactivity and learning issues, migraines, as well as with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and the like.

     Headaches are usually quite responsive to the uses of Rays 2 (for improved blood circulation and reduced muscle tension), Rays 3 (for better lymph flow and the tension lymph congestion can cause in muscles and interstitial spaces), Ray 1 (for improved flow of regenerative and relaxation juices in the vagus nerve and the nervous system as a whole), Ray 4 (another head center, it can help to improve the flow of the energy of Soul information into the human psyche/Personality as well as deal with hormonal issues).

     When working with the Rays you can also think of them, if you wish, using the colors of the rainbow. You may find that using Violet, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet-White, Pink-White, Gold-White and others to be quite effective--without even knowing about any corresponding connections or association to the Seven Rays. Repeat this exercise anytime you find yourself sitting quietly--even watching television. The more you experiment with using the Universal Life Force, the more you are going to encourage its flow and, of course, the more progress you will make on the road to breaking down the limiting constructs of the stubborn Ego, the more progress you will make in actualizing the Plan that will put you on the path to allowing the Love, Wisdom and Will of the Soul to come shining through.

Lucifer, Judas and Hitler

Lucifer, Judas, and Hitler are three names associated with three of the most despised, vilified and talked about characters in human lore. Whether taken as actual beings, as legends whose forms have morphed through the trail of oral tradition and through the diverse lenses of a variety of religious and cultural heritages, or as metaphoric vehicles to be used for self-reflection and self awareness, these three beings have served as important models for both conscious and unconscious choice in human behavior. Their 'crimes' may have been "heinous" or "deplorable," but I will argue here that their motives were coming from Love of the highest form, that the effects of their legacies have been far more positive than negative--though whether or not this is even important is arguable. The legacy of each of these three arch-villains has provided the human race with key reference points on the barometer of valued, acceptable or reprehensible behavior choices. Through knowing the stories of Lucifer, Judas and Hitler one can compare one's own choices, or judge those of others. The modern human definition of "evil" as a polar opposite of that of "saint" or "hero" or "good" is given definition thanks to the existence of these three characters. And yet, are Lucifer, Judas and Hitler really deserving of their notoriety? Were the consequences of their choices and legacies as damaging or as negative as you would think? Let's examine each of them separately.
     Lucifer, if you remember, was an angel. Actually, he was an archangel--one of God's most trusted and valued angels. Some argue that he was, in fact, God's most trusted angel. The supposed problem central to the downfall of Lucifer from God's graces revolves around the choice that Lucifer made to exert his own will. In case you were unaware, the angelic kingdom exists solely to do God's bidding, without question, without thought. The angelic kingdom is supposedly the purest expression of God's Will. So, the fact that an angel--any angel, much less an archangel--broke the laws of Heaven--exerted will independent of his Master--and that he was supposedly punished for it is almost laughable. It seems more likely that this story was created to try to brainwash us into thinking that hierarchical, patriarchical systems with masters and slaves is okay. Seriously?! Does anyone really believe that the God of Love and Creation could be this strict--the He would hold grudges and never be able to forgive one such transgression? Does anyone really believe that an all-loving God could be so shallow and controlling as to create such strict rules--and mete out such severe punishments?
     As in so many religious writings and dogmas, there is flaw in anything that imposes limitations or prescribed behaviors to the Divine Consciousness, the Loving Source, the Unified Field that is in and is everything. It'd be like condemning one's self and then cutting off an arm as punishment--for rules that you created (and could change)--rules that come from a game within your own imagination--a game that comes with the participation of 'other' entities that are, in fact, also, coincidentally, part of your Self! Yes, let us not forget that any version of Lucifer, the Devil or Hell must come with the admission that these 'things' are all very much a part of 'God.' Were they not, then we lowly humans would again be placing limitations and constructs on a Divine Form that is, supposedly, Formless, the creator of everything, and 'who' is, in fact, the Source and Inspiration of everything, of all Creation.  
     Silly humans.
     Were we to switch perspectives of what or who God is to that of a formless, unconditionally loving Source, then we would be able to let go of any constructs or concepts of anger, slavery, hierarchy patriarchy, judgement, punishment, revenge or eternal damnation. In a formless, life-giving world of pure Love, there would be no such limitation or pidgeon-holing of the Creative Source.
     I believe that the Lucifer story offers a personified account of God's first individuation and devolution from Unified Field consciousness. Lucifer's act of 'defiance' can only happen if there first exists the gift of the concept of 'free will.' Lucifer's act is the first instance of free will, that is, of an action being performed from within an illusory bubble of Separation; that is, from an imaginary 'place' of separation from God (of which no such place can or actually does exist). This moment in 'history' is allegoric to the first step into Creation, the first step from pure potentiality into that of Kinetic motion. It personifies the creation of the consciousness of duality, of yin and yang, of this and that, here and there, and cause and effect.
     Lucifer's act of exerting his own free will is akin to The Big Bang or the birth of the first star. It is the birth of the Illusion of Separation from God. But remember: God first conceived of Creation in order to satisfy a curiosity, to try to solve a conundrum within Her own Mind, namely, "What if..."
     What if . . . the possibility of experience? the possibility of flow? the possibility of opposites--of relationships--the possibility of cause and effect, of action and reaction, of duality and the infinite possibilities of forms? The myriad spectrum of degrees, aspects and shades of meaning and possibility could not be possible without the creation of the Illusion of Separation. To think that God could or would be angry or disappointed with any part of Creation when He Himself is the Essence of all parts of Creation would mean that He would have to be angry or disappointed with His Self--which is possible, but, then, so is everything possible when coming from God.
     For us to get attached to a certain aspect or facet of the infinite faces of God is to get stuck, to show our own limited mind, our ignorance. It is literally to ignore the other facets of God, the Entirety, the Totality of the Divine Source which is the totality of all possibility. Let's not become so arrogant that we allow ourselves to get righteously trapped in a concept or construct which only serves to diminish and disrespect God and our selves (for we, too, are Part of that same Divine Source).
     Imagine the endless entertainment value that the world of dualities, the Illusion of Separation--Creation--offers God the Creator! How welcome within the God Consciousness such amusement would be! For it is within Creation that God can experience Herself 'objectively,' that is, through the illusion or 'spectacles' of Separation God can 'watch' the infinite variations of Creation unfold. It is amusing! It's entertaining! It's fun!
     So, we should be thanking Lucifer for making such an amazingly courageous sacrifice: He was the first to "go it alone"--the first to venture 'out' 'beyond' the protective identity of God Consciousness. Instead our ancestors chose to demonize him in order to support their own fear-based systems--as propaganda to support their model of patriarchical hierarchy with its inherent system of social control.
     But remember: Lucifer is a fabrication, a creation of our own Minds--just as your body and your world is a fabrication, a creation of your own Mind. Lucifer is the embodied representation of free will, of Ego, and all of the terrible--and wonderful--outcomes that can come through Ego's use of free will. Lucifer's counterpart, on the other hand, the archangel Gabriel, is the embodiment of relegated or subjugated will, of blind submission and obeisance. Metaphorically speaking, the significance of these two polar opposites is to remind you of two extremes of possibility within this new world of duality and the Illusion of Separation. The choice, as always, is yours and yours alone: Do you exert independence, assume your full power (and play the game of separation) by using free will, or do you enslave yourself to the will and power of others by using "blissful" ignorance and blind obedience? It is an interesting conundrum but, again, I must remind you that, truly, in the eyes of an unconditionally loving Creator, there is no right or wrong.
     The Judas story, interestingly, mirrors that of Lucifer quite remarkably. Judas was a trusted apostle--some say the apostle closest to Jesus. He 'betrays' his Lord, his master. He is eternally damned.
     In the film adaptation of Nikos Kazantzakis's The Last Temptation of Christ, Martin Scorsese would have us believe that Judas was motivated by anger and frustration--that Judas was not able to agree with much less understand Jesus's behavior choices. This makes sense for the fact that in Judas' world--two thousand years ago--it was very much expected that one would use power and force to assert one's dynastic claims. So if Jesus were truly a "king of kings" or even a king of the Jews, it would seem quite odd that he would be suing such benign, peaceful, loving, trusting, and inclusive tactics. To Judas and his contemporaries, concepts like "love one another," "turn the other cheek," and "the meek shall inherit the Earth" would have been so foreign. It is no wonder that he was frustrated: these were no means to gaining a throne!
     Martin Scorsese's interpretation of Kazantzakis's Judas is a far cry from the interpretation that I took away from the same book. The way I came to understand Judas from reading The Last Temptation of Christ has left me with a deep and untractable respect and love for Judas--feelings that no church or Christain dogma would have you espouse. I found in Kazantzakis' wonderfully insightful, reverent and loving rendering of Judas, a man who was--yes, struggling with lots of internal conflict--a man whose entire belief system and conditioning was being challenged by every word, step, look and touch coming from his beloved friend--but that he was a man who firmly believed with all his heart and soul that Jesus was who he said he was. The Judas I came to know and love was a man who believed but didn't comprehend, a man who showed extraordinary devotion and faith but who craved complete understanding--who hated feeling obtuse, dumb, or ignorant. The Judas I came to know was a man on fire with excitement and love and infinite curiosity. And yet, he was also impatient and prone to get frustrated with his apparent inability to understand his beloved guru.
     An even more powerful insight Kazantzakis gave me with regards to the Jesus-Judas relationship was that Jesus knew that he would need someone to lead the Roman soldiers to him--that he knew that he needed a 'traitor' to come from within his circle of most trusted companions and that he knew this person would be vilified by his fellow man for this seeming act of betrayal--which was in fact only the fulfillment of a necessary task--one that also conveniently served to confirm Old Testament prophesies. As Kazantzakis presents it, Jesus chose Judas. Jesus spent hours trying to convince his beloved friend and confidant to accept this assignment. Finally, against his heart, against his better judgment, Judas acquiesced to perform this task for his beloved friend and teacher. As Kazantzakis presents it, Jesus chose Judas precisely because he was his closest, most loyal, most trusted, best loved follower--because he knew that only Judas would be strong enough to perform this hurtful, hateful task--that only Judas was close enough to understand Jesus' mission, his purpose and reasoning for these steps, this path, these choices--that, even if Judas' comprehension of Jesus' choices was an incomplete or provisional, it is was still better that anyone else in their circle. Who else could perform this task? Jesus' mother, Mary? His wife, Mary Magdalene? His brothers? The ignorant fishermen? Thomas the doubter? Peter, his dense rock? His rich blood relative, Simon Magus? No. This was a task that needed the deepest trust and devotion that an earthling could muster.
      Jesus loved Judas! And he still does! He loved Judas' insatiable curiosity. Judas' incessant barrage of tough questions challenged Jesus to think more deeply, to consider different perspectives, to learn to better defend his words and actions. It also allowed Jesus to practice his speeches before an intelligent, critical audience--which pushed him to be even more intentional with his words and actions.
     The examples set forth by both Judas and Lucifer also help to illustrate the way souls make plans for their excursions into denser realms of experience. Remember: the Earth School experience is a 'place' where one has to learn to deal with and rise above the murkiness of veiled ignorance and emotional cacophony. The plans you make when you decide to use the Earth School aren't usually for the games of fun and dancing. Souls know that it is often through adversity--through dealing with conflict, pain and suffering--that we are often able to shake off the limiting veils of Ego and to awaken the flow of Spirit, that we can experience the remembrance of our Divinity within and without so that we can then start on the Path of Return--that is, the path to expansion, evolution, transcendence and Self-realization.
    In order to experience and learn something like "forgiveness" we need to be confronted with something worth forgiving--something that will require you to wake up enough to forgive--to rise above your pain and victimhood, to recognize the Godhood in the other, in the perpetrator, and to then "turn the other cheek"--embrace and love that person. And who better to ask to perform the "evil" deed than one of your closest members of your Soul Family? I believe that Judas and Jesus made just such an arrangement--a soul contract to play certain key roles in the growth and progress of each other. So, Judas volunteered to play the "bad guy"--or, rather, to perform the "evil deed." And we all should be able to empathize; we all know from vicarious experience that it can be kind of fun and exciting to play the "bad guy"--right? Just ask any stage or film actor.
     So, I would argue that neither Lucifer or Judas ought to be vilified and condemned to "eternal damnation" (whatever that is). If they are in any state of "damnation" it would most likely be a condition of self-imposed isolation within which they would be trying to process and heal from the wounds of any "wrong" that they might feel they have inflicted on others--that is, as tate of limbo or purgatory not unlike the one Journeyman Paul created when faced with the sudden revelation of his "failures" in the life as the Mediterranean Wise Man. But, I will argue, Lucifer and Judas were really only doing jobs--jobs that God Herself had asked them to perform--jobs that were necessary for the evolution of humankind, for the ultimate success and healing of the Divine Attempt at Creation, individuation and the Illusion of Separation.
     I imagine it something like this. "Lucifer, my most trusted and beloved agent, will you help me create a dimension of opposites--an illusory realm in which dualities appear to exist?" And, "Judas, best beloved and devoted brother: Will you perform this task that I need to occur in order to deliver my human vehicle unto my ignorant enemies so that the Prophesies and my destiny can be fulfilled?"
     What loving sacrifices these two supremely trusted and amazingly selfless beings made for their guru and master! Do you see it? Do you get it?
     As for Adolph Hitler, again, I see him as an amazingly giving, loving soul who was willing to make this troubling sacrifice to give cause for the harm, injury, and death to millions upon millions. I can only feel empathy for the karmic debt that his Soul accrued. And yet I also see the incredible gifts he gave to the human race. He gave us examples and evidence of such aberrant and "evil" behaviors that billions have since been able to check their own thoughts, desires, words and actions against those perpetrated, endorsed and adopted by Der Führer and his followers. How do we measure up? Are we more awake to the potentialities of corrupted power and mind? Are we more aware of evil and its many forms? How do we feel about the human lemmings who chose to go "over the cliff" by following Hitler's commands and expectation? Are we complicit as accessories to any such oppressive, life-taking choices? What "evil" or "negative" or life-taking behaviors are we employing or complicit to? How are we choosing to justify, rationalize or deny our complicity or conformity to these behaviors? Who might we have made soul contracts with in order to perform or receive acts of malevolence and how has this served us? Have we been able to see these acts for what they are? Have we been able to learn from and rise above these patterns, these constructs of thinking and behaving? What have we learned from the events initiated, commanded and endorsed by Adolph Hitler and his minions?
     I expect some readers are reeling at the possibility that Adolph Hitler--a "sick and evil megalomaniac" and "mass murderer" might be sympathized with, 'forgiven,' and even loved and thanked! I can only imagine! Yet, if you are able to step back into the perspective of your Spiritual Source, your Higher Mind, you might re-member that the Earth School plane of experience is but a game field, an illusory world co-created by us explicitly for the myriad opportunities that the dense vibratory realm of physical and emotion 'reality' offers the Soul for its own growth and evolution. Death, you might re-member, is but an illusory end to an illusory flow of experiences. Death is simply the departure from one constraining and very limiting vehicle--a vehicle that came with many many rules and restrictions. The Souls who had invested their energies into the many human vehicles that suffered and or died (remember: we all "die") either directly or indirectly because of the policies and decisions of Adolph Hitler did so knowingly, willing, valuing the experiences and opportunities for growth--the opportunities to recognize the eternal Divine within themselves and within all things around them--the opportunities that were offered them through the "Hitler Effect."
     I have been able to recognize what I see as the amazing service that Hitler provided for an extraordinary percentage of multiple generations of humans coming to planet Earth during the past century of exploding population. Truly, I can think of no one single individual in the last 100 years who sacrificed more--and here I wish once again to bring up the alternate definition of the word "sacrifice." Sacrifice can also mean "the act of making sacred or special." And this is most definitely what Adolph Hitler's contribution to humanity has been. His choices, his plans and policies, the events which unfolded--and continue to unfold to this day--because of his active presence and the amazing will and power he exerted upon the human race have allowed many, many humans to find that which is sacred and holy to them.
     So, I challenge you:  Try not to be so quick to choose disdain or condemnation as you judge others. Lucifer, Judas and Hitler were only "evil" and are only "damned" as far as you choose to judge them thusly. I implore you to consider that they were 'only' performing tasks and duties that they and many others had helped to plan "behind the scenes"--that their Soul Families were involved, that they had the wise guidance and support of their Spiritual Guides and Councils of Wise Elders, that, from their great "war rooms" in the Spirit World, all of their "crimes" and deplorable behaviors were planned as gift offerings to the potential for humankind to achieve Self-awareness and Self-realization. As always, the choice is yours to decide for your selves. Once you've made a choice, move on. Then choose again. You are always in choice; you must always choose again. The real choice, however, is in whether or not you decide to choose mindfully or mindlessly, lovingly or fearfully, from a perspective of inclusion or exclusion, unity or separation. But remember also that you can always change your mind, you always get to choose again.
     Good luck! And may the loving sacrifices of Lucifer, Judas, and Hitler find recognition and placement in your hearts.

Briel, Reggie, and Gretel

Chartres bleues is a three-part novel I wrote in my late twenties. It tells the story of the emotionally traumatic consequences borne upon a young family through the selfish and immature actions of their frustrated father. American-born Gabriel, or "Briel," met, pursued and married the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, Alsatian-born Regina, or "Reggie." Together the two dreamed of a simple life in which family and Nature would always maintain their highest places on their priority list. Unfortunately, eight years and two children (Gretel and Jasper) later, the original and true meaning of their oft-repeated governing maxim, "For the Good of the Family Unit," has become lost or distorted as they have succumbed to familial, societal, and economic pressures by allowing work and the acquisition of money and material things to ascend to the top of their lives' priority list. Corporate jobs in Reggie's father's Black Forest-based manufacturing business consume them both; they have become numb automatons--living controlled, prescribed and programmed lives like robots.
     Briel is the first to crack--to try to break out. The damage occurs as he tries to do so as an individual, without consulting or involving his wife and family.
     What is particularly interesting about Chartres bleues is the fact that I wrote the entire story from the first person perspective, so the reader reads along as if s/he were inside the minds of the protagonists, following the stream of consciousness of thoughts, sensory inputs, and memories flowing jaggedly, with the non sequitors, tangents, and interruptions that occur within the true flow of consciousness of people living in the world.
     In writing this story, I was particularly inspired by William Faulkner's The Sound and The Fury and by the deep psychological perspectives used by F.M. Dostoevsky and J.D. Salinger. At the same time I had been quite affected and inspired by two books in which the author actually succeeded in teaching me rudimentary levels of foreign languages--James Clavel's Shogun and Umberto Ecco's The Name of The Rose. Thus, I tried to use increasing amounts of German and French whenever and wherever the protagonists entered into conversation with persons around them--especially with oft-repeated and increasingly familiar phrases and sayings.
     The story begins with Briel's impetuously planned yet impulsive escape: Unbeknownst to his wife and small children, he takes a train Switzerland, hitchhikes into the Alps, and then convinces a dairy farmer to take him on as a laborer. Beset with constant reminders of the family he adores, as well as increasing pangs of guilt and remorse for his choice to leave, it does not take long for Briel to recognize the gross error he's made and then to try to get home in order to rejoin his family and make amends.
     The plot thickens with the beginning of Part Two. At the end of Part One, Briel arrives home deep in the middle of the night. Always an expert at sneaking around without making sound, he manages to enter his own house without waking anyone but, just as he is walking down the short hallway to the bedrooms, he is side-tracked by the sight of his beloved 4-year old daughter, Gretel, laying in her bed, fast asleep, but with her blankets strewn around the bed and floor. Knowing how important it is to see his wife and talk to her, he decides first to enter Gretel's room in order to try to cover his beloved daughter whose iridescent blue eyes earned her the nickname, "Chartres blues."
     Events unfold such that, as Briel is trying to clandestinely re-position the bed clothes around Gretel, she awakens and flings herself around his neck with such desperation and intractable force that he cannot leave without first laying down with her to comfort her back to sleep. And there they both fall asleep.
     Part Two begins the next morning. The author's perspective has now switched to first person Reggie's mind. Reggie awakens without any knowledge or awareness of Briel's return. Her sluggish mind vacillates between anger, sadness and general confusion. When she enters Gretel's room with the habitual intention of awakening Gretel for the start of their day she is smacked full force with the sight of her husband and daughter asleep together in Gretel's bed. Her first reaction is one of adoration as the beatific vision of the two beings most dear to her, entwined in blissful sleep, floods her emotions. What's more: she knows how deep and profound is this special bond between the two, between father and daughter--that they would breathe for one another if they could. But then, suddenly, she is flushed with pain and anger at the recollection of Briel's betrayal, and now this: when finally he returns home he chooses to snuggle up with his daughter over his wife!
     Reggie is beside herself with hurt and rage. Backing out of Gretel's room, she tries to calm her panicky mind, to come up with a plan of action. She decides to try to take the kids out--to pretend to start the day just as any other day. She knows that if she can just get the kids out of the house, get them to their day care, that she can create some time to think--she feels desperate to find some time to think--to try to figure out what to do in the face of these new event--of Briel's sudden reappearance.
     With great effort, she manages to wake the kids and whisk them off without disturbing the sound asleep Briel. She drives off, feeds Jasper and Gretel at their favorite local bakery, but then, just as she is driving up to their day care provider, she is filled with rage and courage:  "He may not return so easily!" she thinks. "He may not walk back into our lives as if nothing has happened! He must pay!" and then, "There are consequences for his cruel behavior! He must know what it feels like!" And, so, with a new resolve she drives off to a nearby international airport. Her new plan is to take the children to Briel's family's summer home in in the United States--in Northern Michigan. She knows that her head start will give her time to think, to plan further, but that it will also provide Briel with way to find them--that he will be able to figure out where to find them--which is what she wants--but not now--she is not ready now. Plus, she is resolved that he must know what it feels like--that he deserves to feel some of the pain of what that mysterious and unexplained departure feels like!
     So, the story line in Part Two follows Reggie as she makes these decisions--flying by the seat of her pants, changing her mind every five minutes, vacillating between emotional extremes, as she travels with two small children for an entire day, and then as she sets up life in an otherwise shut up home in the middle of deep winter, as she tries to explain to her children what it is she is making them do, why she is making the choices she is making, why they are not staying with Daddy, what she might do when next confronted with his presence.
     Part Three, the listener might have guessed, brings the author's voice to the first person perspective of chère Gretel, the four-year old daughter. From the moment Reggie opens the door to reveal the shattered visage of her beloved father, we follow the events of the ensuing days through the limited mind, thoughts, and raw and tumultuous emotions of a four year old child. Bravely trying to be a "big girl" by suppressing the volatile emotions and extreme insecurities roiling within her, Gretel is constantly on edge, trying her best to hold strong, to not let the dam break as she puts all of her energy and focus into the effort of trying to make sense of her two 'adult' parents' choices and behaviors--she thinks that it is her job to try to help facilitate a healing, to repair the damage, so that they can all pick up where they left off, and, yet, eventually, recognizes the value of the proposal of a "fresh start"--the start of a new life in their beloved Northern Michigan.
     Chartres bleues allowed me, Drew Fisher, a medium within which I could examine aspects of myself as they might have played out were I to have married and started a family at a young age. Yes, I could very well have fallen to the pressure to conform to the values of a consumer-capitalist life. The end result of having written this story is that I was presented with a way in which I could understand that I was simply not mature enough in my young twenties to handle any of the above pressures and demands. My relationship with my own self was not evolved enough to allow me to be effective or successful as a husband, father, or provider. At the same time, Chartres bleues gave me a vehicle with which to explore my own attractions to languages as well as a vehicle for my own experimentation with the writing conventions and tools of my own "mother tongue."
     At this time I was quite inspired by many writers whom I had been discovering throughout my twenties--a period of my life that I call my "real" education because of the intrinsically motivated and valued learning I was doing by way of the time I was creating for reading and writing. Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Gogol, and Lermontov; Salinger, Katzantakis, Hesse, Heinlein, Clavel, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Faulkner, Dickens, Flaubert, Sand, Eliot, Ecco, Scott and Bach. These were my teachers. Their characters were my heroes--and also my teachers. At this point in my life writing was such a joy. What I did not see until later was how cathartic writing was--how expressive of my internal evolution it was. Through writing my Soul was able to find expression, to be recognized and received, processed and embraced by the gradually opening, receptive, and expanding Ego or Personality.
     While writing gave vent to the musings of my Higher Mind, it was only, of course, in ways that were immediately accessible and usable to the limited comprehension of my Ego. My teachers--the writers above and their stories and characters--were key assistants to help assuage my stubborn, fear-mongering Ego, to convince it that there were bigger versions of my Self out there--in here--that it was safe, it was okay, to take risk, to fail, to be laughed at and ridiculed, to let go, even to die--so long as one was just willing to try, to give life or a part of life your best effort--that the worst that could happen to one in any situation was death and death, I was coming to understand and believe, was but a shedding of a skin, an opening of a door to another world. I learned that taking risks--just as all my heroes did--brought on great trepidation (if one had time enough to think about it) but, at the same time, it also allowed for great release, great relief and for the possibility of great adventure and accomplishment. Without taking risks there was little chance of any of these rewards.
     There existed (or, perhaps, exists) but one copy, one manuscript of Chartres bleues--and that copy does not rest with me. The computer from which I wrote and stored the data that is Chartres bleues has been discontinued, is defunct--the company no longer exists. So, there is little chance of this story ever the light of day again much less being rendered for you, here. Still, I am not bothered or troubled by this. Again, the story served a very valuable purpose for me on my path of ever-increasing self-awareness and growth. And that was and is enough. Besides, as the world falls further into collapse, art will only serve and survive if it can provide instantaneous distraction or escape from the toils and terrors of a self-destructing society. Mother Earth will most likely be destroying all residue of mankind as her weather/immune systems scour away all presence and evidence of her once parasitic invader. How art, creativity, and language must serve humankind now and for the foreseeable future is in forms that offer either tools that are helpful for survival or instead for tools that are helpful for death and dying. This latter is what I am trying to do: to offer you examples from my own life and the lives of my Over-Soul, Journeyman Paul, that might provide you with perspectives of life, death, and Truth to make these trouble times pass a bit easier--to make one's own demise and departure from this planet a little easier. Whether or not I succeed at this task is irrelevant. Whether or not you succeed at coming to terms with your own immortality is all that is relevant. Good luck!

        

Collin, Matt, Judy and Vic

Collin, Matt, and Vic Sandel and their friend Judy, are characters from a novel I wrote in 1985 entitled, Charybdis in Pursuit. These are the names of the main characters from the story of which I spoke previously in this podcast series--in Episode 6: "Art as A Growth Tool." This is the story that 'arrived' in my conscious mind in the middle of the night--arrived complete in its form, story line, details and dialogue. These are the characters that awakened me demanding that I write down their story.
     And I did.
     I spent the next days writing the story long-hand and then the following months holed-up in a rural log cabin rendering it into printed form through the means of a personal computer. While I did make a rather perfunctory and ultimately failed attempt at seeking publication, I actually found more satisfaction in sending copies to friends and family--for their entertainment, for the insight into who I was becoming, and, perhaps, hopefully, for their own personal enrichment and edification.
     Surprisingly, the failed and aborted attempt to find publication for Charybdis in Pursuit did not bother or frustrate me. As a matter of fact, the experience taught me some valuable lessons. One lesson it taught me is how thoroughly I enjoyed the writing process--the laborious search for the 'perfect' word to fit the already fully revealed and alive story that little ole me was trying to render unto readable form; I found out how much I love "wordsmithing."
     A second lesson I learned from this process was how little I wanted someone else 'tampering' with my story--how little I was willing to bend to the will or even suggestions of others to change my story, my words, my creation. The story and its characters--who were all very real and very much alive within me--could only be rendered by me. Thus the prospect of finding an agent, editor, or publishing house was something that didn't really excite me. I later learned that this story remained plastic, remained malleable; for all intents and purposes, it remained 'unfinished' because, as I grew and gained in wisdom and maturity, as I expanded my perspective and my ability to recognize deeper, broader, and higher versions of Truth, Beauty, Love and Joy, the words that I might use to describe a scene, an inflection, an emotion, or a thought might change. Thus, all my stories are, in fact, works in progress. This gives me great sympathy for artists like Walt Whitman who spent a lifetime continually revising his chief work of art, Leaves of Grass.
     A third lesson I learned from this experience was how little attachment I had to any desire to A) get published, B) receive recognition or fame, or C) be involved in writing for monetary gain. I had absolutely no interest in any of the "business" or glamour of getting published. To me, it was a waste of my time and energy. Now, had someone run across one of my manuscripts and offered to represent me to publication houses, I would have been fine with that. Once the manuscript was finished--once it was finally out of my hands--I just wanted to be free of it. As a matter of fact, in order to preserve some anonymity, I wrote and sent out all of my first few manuscripts under the pseudonym, "Tree Fisher." Also, several years later I actually published some of my manuscripts on-line with the caveat that if someone out there wanted to 'adopt' one of my stories and publish it or a version of it under their name or in a different form--say, as a play, screenplay or teleplay--that they had my blessing. You see, it has become quite evident to me that it is far more important that my stories and my characters get "out there" to a wider audience than that I ever get any money or recognition from them. I have come to believe that my stories have power, that they offer those who come in contact with them opportunities for  'healing' or 'awakening.' I believe that an encounter with one of my stories might provide a stranger with an opportunity to recognize--to become re-acquainted with a part of themselves that they might not have recognized before or that my stories might offer food for thought, food for soul-searching, food for improvement or self-reflection or that they might offer provocation for further self-review and self-redefinition--as they have for me.
     Yes, the most important lesson I've come away with after my creative juices have delivered a "product" to the world in the form of a concrete, reproducible art form is that I have lived a segment of life, or purged from myself a version of my Self, that I might have chosen to pursue but didn't. Instead, each story and, in fact, each character, has enabled me to work through, to get past, to process and move way from, a certain path that I could have taken or an idea with which I was intrigued but that, like working with a math problem, I had to stay with for a while, had to play with and approach it from multiple perspectives before I was able to come to a satisfactory solution so that I could finally walk away from the problem and move on to the next one.
     Charybdis in Pursuit begins as Vic, a college senior with everything going for him: healthy, popular, big man on campus, inexplicably commits suicide. His girl friend, Judy, finds his body and then blames herself for his death. Unfortunately but understandably, she chooses to internalize all of this guilt and remorse instead of sharing her thoughts, feelings, and 'secrets' with others. This ball of repressed emotion festering within her leads her to make less than healthy choices during the course of the novel--not the least of which is reflecting her love and attachment for Vic to his two brothers. This is her way of trying to stay close to Vic, and yet it also provides a kind of unconscious self-inflicted punishment as she is constantly tortured with the fact of her concealed 'secrets' and with the increasing temptation to let out 'the truth' and be caught and punished for her 'crime.'
     Collin is Vic's younger brother by 18 months and is also an age- and class-mate of Judy. He is a much more introverted and less social creature than his popular, almost-revered brother. Bewildered and haunted by the mystery and incredulity of his happy, on-top-of-the-world brother's choice to take his own life, Collin chooses to throw his considerable energies into an "academic," investigative approach to unraveling the mysteries of his brother's death. He believes that the best way to do this is by trying to get into the mind, into the way Vic thought. Thus, with painstaking detail, Collin attempts to recreate the intellectual path Vic had travelled.  He tries to read every book Vic ever read--in the very same order in which Vic read them--and to take every course Vic ever took. He even tries grilling Judy for her insights into the mystery. The reader watches as the strain of Collin's self-imposed "journey"--one might say "obsession"--takes its toll on his mental and physical health.
     Matt is the youngest of the three Sandel boys. A high school all-American football quarterback, Matt foregoes many Division I scholarship offers to instead attend the college of his adored brother, Vic. In watching the actions and events surrounding Matt during the summer preceding college and during his freshman year, the reader is exposed to the erratic, unhealthy and self-destructive choices this confused and devastated young man makes as he keeps seeking stronger, more powerful, and longer-lasting diversions or escapes from the pain eating away within him. Violent, mindless sex, increasingly malicious outbursts on and off the football field, a deepening involvement with and downwardly-spiraling addiction to mind-numbing drugs and alcohol, topped off with a mutually self-destructive relationship with Judy--his brother's ex--all help to illustrate the free fall of helplessness and despair that Matt is on.
     Charybdis in Pursuit presents several different ways of dealing with unresolved pain, grief and loss. None are right or wrong; each is immediately recognizable in you or in someone you know and/or love. We all have different coping mechanisms, different ways of dealing with the confusion and burdens of emotional pain. The blackhole that is the void left behind by the sudden and unexplained disappearance of a very important, very inspirational part of one's life is something we all face in this Earth School experience--sometimes multiple or myriad times--and sometimes not in the form of a loved one but in the form of a material thing or a particular way of life to which we were heavily attached. As I've said before, art can help provide perspectives or possible solutions to help us process the unprocessed or stuck energy that might be bottled up within our being.
     I have been told that Charybdis in Pursuit was able to provide insight and healing to several people who were dealing with the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one. I know that Charybdis helped me, Drew Fisher, to realize and actualize another way in which I can work with my own demons. Should I ever find a copy of my manuscript, I will be glad to share it with you in future podcasts.
      Writing has provided me with a means to living, processing and eliminating my own alternate or less-than healthy desires and potentialities. I believe that each and every soul that takes on the human form is fully capable of any and every thought, action or expression ever created or ever imagined--that every one of us is equally capable of becoming a complicit Nazi concentration camp employee, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming trapped in a mentality of victimhood, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming a chain saw murderer, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming an aborted foetus, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming a Christ-like or Martin Luther King-like figure, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming a duplicitous politician, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming an idealistic farmer, teacher, priest or parent, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming a cannibalistic post-apocalyptic survivor, that each and every one of us is capable of becoming an enlightened being while still present in a human body, that each and every one of us is capable of forgiving and loving everyone and everything on the planet, that each and every one of us is capable of pain and suffering, of triumph and failure. I believe that the seed of possibility for anything is within each and every one of us--that is one of God's greatest gifts:  infinite choice. Another is unconditional love. In God's eyes there is no right or wrong, no good or "evil," no better or worse; there is only infinite choice and infinite patience and love.
     We humans have been given this gift of choice--of infinite options for experiencing "life" in its infinite forms of Love, Will, Power, and Courage, Pain and Suffering, Knowledge and Joy. It is up to us to plan and flow, but it is also okay to change our minds and choose something different--at each and any instant. Vic, Collin, Judy, and Matt offer a few examples of life choices. As do your loved ones and your enemies. None are right or wrong, none is better or worse than another; all offer different choices, different experiences, and different consequences; all offer to open new doors for different choices and experiences, and all, inevitably, lead back to an awareness of, a confrontation with, and an acceptance of our True Selves, our Divine Essence.
     I wish you all your own creative, artistic means to give process and form to older versions of your self, just as I wish all of you health, healing, and enlightenment.

Mimi and Kevin

"Mimi" and "Kevin" are two members of Journeyman Paul's most intimate, inner circle, his Soul Family. During this incarnation as Drew Fisher, Mimi played the role of 'first girlfriend' as well as that of amazing friend for a ten year window in my youth. A psychiatrist who became nationally regarded for her research on and advocacy for psychiatric care and treatment of adolescents, Mimi succumbed to cancer at fairly young age.
     Mimi's appearance in my life quite literally opened the 'flood gates' of love. In retrospect, I think that I had been waiting for such a relationship, that my thinly encrusted heart was primed and ready for such an explosion as I can remember two very serious, emotionally complex "crushes" in my youth that preceded my meeting Mimi. At that time my nervous system was as yet unable to handle the uncontrollable flood and overwhelming rush of feeling that accompanied any contact or, heaven forbid, interaction with members of the opposite sex. My sensitivity was so profound that I would invariably flush beet red and my eyes would brim with welling tears. It was debilitating! Needless to say, having a class with any of these school girls was no small challenge.
     Mimi and I had but one actual week together before the heart-wrenching event occurred of my family's relocation to a new home in a town 282 miles away from Mimi. It unfolded as a summer of pining away. I devoted hours each day to multi-page, stream of consciousness letters. Phone calls were occasionally permitted and we were able to eek out three visits with each other before a much wiser and more mature Mimi (though only 15 years old) saw the futility of this long-distance relationship and the wisdom of breaking up. We were, it is a fact, too young to be wasting away our lives like this. Our mothers had been saying throughout our intense 'affair' that they wished we had met when we were ten years older. This sentiment turned out to be rather prophetic, as you will see later in this podcast.
     Despite our breakup, our lives were to remain somewhat entwined. Little did either of us expect to find ourself just two years later face-to-face at the freshman orientation picnic on the lawn of the college that we had both serendipitously chosen. While we never felt compelled to rekindle the intense relationship that had engulfed us two years before, Mimi played a wonderfully supportive and kind of 'reality check' role in my life as a very close friend throughout our four years in college together. This was especially true during our six months spent as part of a group from our college on foreign study at the university in Strasbourg, France.
     It was at this same small midwestern liberal arts college that Mimi and I coincidentally ended up attending that I met and befriended a fellow pre-med student named Kevin. Kevin was 'out there'--in- your-face out there. A very outgoing, social, politically active creature, Kevin also had a very quiet, sensitive and vulnerable side that not many people got to see. His equal affinity to Mimi double-forged a bond between us and the struggles associated with his personal battle with bone cancer, his openly flamboyant in your face presentation of his bisexuality coupled with his sincere and deeply engaged care and concern for others exposed me to several dimensions and forms of love, empathy, and compassion to which I had not given much attention or energy before. Where Mimi was 'the key master' whom I credit for opening the wellspring of Love wanting to burst from within me, Kevin was 'the architect' who helped me to see and understand the myriad choices I had in which to aim, channel or direct this 'fountain' of love.
     My mother, having seen the way in which I loved so deeply and so intensely with each and every one of my girl friends, declared that really I was just in love with being in love--or maybe "in love with love" was how she may have put it. I think she may have been right. But, then, thanks to the example of Kevin--whom I later recognized as a living, breathing version of one of my beloved messianic protagonists because of the stunning way he had of befriending virtually everyone he ever met with his in-your-face humor filled with blatant sexual innuendo. I mean, be it an 80-year old World War I veteran, a 56-year old bakery employee, a university professor, the dormitory janitor, a nurse, a homeless man, or a college coed, Kevin could have that person laughing, hugging, and willing to lay down his or her life for him or for whatever cause or reason he might give, all in the first meeting! Within the first five minutes of that meeting!
      I am so fortunate to have countless occasions burned into my memory of watching Kevin awaken life, love, trust, joy, laughter, hope, child-like playfulness, and boundless devotion in the individuals he perchance encountered. And I know that it is his example--the precious hours of being in his presence--that enabled me to realize how important it was for me to extricate myself from my 'monastic' tendencies. Up until that time, the patterns of behavior that I most often fell into, the habits and tendencies that were most comfortable to me in everyday life, were those of solitude and isolation, of introspection and internal dialogue. In watching Kevin I was able to come to an understanding of the value and benefits to social interaction, the way in which a loving soul could infect and inspire others to raise their own levels of love, joy, and happiness--if only temporarily. His gift to me was in the awareness that actively loving, that is, loving others in the moment, in the here and now, was worthwhile, would always bring an increase in flow of the most sacred and divine life forces--for one's self as well as for others. Kevin's presence in my life helped to awaken in me the internal beacon of purpose--an inkling of awareness of the 'bigger' Plan Journeyman Paul had prepared for me. I believe that Paul, Kevin and Mimi planned these turns of events long before they ever played out.
     This is further borne out by the saying that I have found myself attached to since my teens--a saying that I recognize, revisit and reconfirm almost every day: that my greatest, most valuable lessons are to be found with people, in contact with and in the company of people. I attribute this saying to the voice of Journeyman Paul; that is, I believe it comes from Paul's voice, Paul's reminder to me that, yes, we've had many lives in the safety and comfort of inwardly focused and self-isolating tendencies but that this time we have a different plan--this time we're going to take the plunge; we're going to take the risk of being with people, of trying to apply our collective knowledge, wisdom and courage being being among people. Kevin played the crucial role of demonstrating for me our Plan--an ideal, Christ-like version of how we, too, could choose to learn on this trip to Earth School.
     I found out not too long ago that Kevin, too, has left the planet. Also a psychiatrist, Kevin focused his energy on working with underprivileged disenfranchised populations in Hawaii and, later, San Francisco. He was killed in freakish cable car accident in San Francisco. It had been fully 20 years since I had had any direct contact with him.
     Mimi, I saw only once after our college days had ended. In the tenth anniversary year of our initial meeting and "summer of love" I found her and paid her a visit. She had married (Kevin and I had attended her wedding--both chomping at the bit to speak out when the minister not once but twice asked the congregation whether or not anyone had any good reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony). She was living a repressed life and was unhappy in her marriage. Most of her energy, of her joy and satisfaction, was derived from her scientific research and through her intense focus in trying to get into medical school. I arrived and proceeded to unceremoniously and rather mischievously announce that it had been ten years and that I was here to start over. This led to a release of some very deeply repressed sadness from Mimi: She collapsed into tears--which led to hours of holding each other, talking and reminiscing. It was all rather innocent and therapeutic--though her mother was worried sick that we were in danger of causing Mimi to break her "sacred vows" of marriage. However, my intentions had actually been all in fun--though my love for Mimi is profound and indisputable. We both knew--and had known for a long time--that we were not really 'right' for each other.
     Anyway, you can imagine my delight--and, I must admit, surprise--when during a recent Life-Between-Life Session I found Kevin and Mimi, holding hands, as they were often playfully wont to do while together on Earth, sidled up within Paul's most intimate circle of soul family members. This event, alone, has prompted me, Drew Fisher, to revisit and reflect upon the events from the relationships I had with both of those beautiful human beings. The deeper meanings and significances that I've been able to extract from those exercises has helped me to realize what tremendously helpful roles they both played in the process of awakening and expansion of my spiritual awareness and flow--especially with regards to my ever-expanding understanding, flow and use of Love in its many forms.
     The telling of this story is meant to elucidate the fact that there are layers and layers of information available to each and every one of us to be found simply through our relationships. I have not been in the physical presence of either Mimi or Kevin for over 25 years, and yet the lessons revealing themselves to me from 'interacting' with them within my own memory has given me ample food for continued growth and expansion. Their examples, their words, their actions, their attentions, their loves have been so valuable to me--much more than I had ever before understood! Mimi, was like my Virgin Mary, and Kevin, my messianic Christ. That's how important they have been to my life. I am so thankful for the 'gifts' they gave and for the sacrifices they made for my benefit. I am unsure and unclear as to whether my presence in their lives had any value or contribution for their own growth. I hope so. I look forward to finding out once I leave this Drew Fisher vehicle and rejoin them in the spirit world in the form of Journeyman Paul.