After the two episodes of successive lifetimes for which Journeyman Paul carried forward regret and remorse--one as the young priest who served as an unwitting accomplice to the horrors of the Children's Crusade and the other, a parish priest who was forced to witness the burning at the stake of his entire village as punishment for his "heretical" teachings, Paul meekly, numbly chose a few lives with extreme privation and early deaths. Just desserts, he felt. The now-familiar France was his rather mindless, rote choice these next few incarnations.
The lifetimes of abject poverty, wholesale suffering, and early demises were just what Paul thought he deserved. They were self-prescribed punishment for the roles he played in those two priestly lives in the first half of 13th Century. Once he thought he had "served" an appropriate sentence, he followed with a few monastic lives in France.
One of these lifetimes in particular, a lifetime spent in a monastery in France, inadvertently instigated some healing in Journeyman Paul. This came as a direct result of a talent he expressed as a young monk for the adding of artistic color flourishes to text copying--what became known as "illumination." Monk "Alberic" developed into an average copyist possessed with fairly good, well-disciplined calligraphic technique. He became recognized, however, and complimented for his particular talent and flair for peppering the borders of the columns of the pages of text he copied with decorative flourishes, what scholars call "painted marginalia." He never achieved (nor did he seek) full status as an illuminator or master copyist, yet Alberic knew the joy and satisfaction of being allowed to express himself artistically. He also achieved some healing benefits to his poor self-esteem due to the recognition and praise he received for his work--an unexpected yet well-deserved boon, to be sure.
The comfort and 'ease' of these lifetimes of impoverishment and monastic vows allowed Paul just the time he needed to do gain some perspective. Silence, mindless attention and dedication to daily routines and rituals, surrounding himself with other men dedicated to peace and the spiritual life--all these provided Paul with the environment he needed to re-convince himself that he was not evil, that he was harmless and that he meant well, that he could once again deserve and receive love and respect. But it took him a while as he had unknowingly become quite immersed in the Illusions of Duality.
Once Journeyman Paul began to recover his will, he began to feel ready to take on some responsibility and conflict. At this time Paul and his Spirit Community decided to re-try planning for an incarnation in which he would have some power and authority. It was at this time that he did also decide to leave the Catholic world--to test himself a bit. This is when he chose to incarnate into the body of the Mediterranean island boy that became Ibrahim, the Islamic mufti.
"Ibrahim" is the name we're ascribing to the educated religious scholar from the Mediterranean island in the 16th Century who made a living doling out opinions of Arabic religious law to the population of his small fishing village. Ibrahim thought highly of himself--and well he should: He was his village's mufti. As mufti he believed, as was in accordance with the dictates of his religion, that his education and constant study of his people's sacred religious scriptures entitled him the respect and authority to set up a practice of delving out his personal opinions and advice. Since his village members were all members of the Islamic faith, religious law was the single most important (and valued) guide--and law--in determining proper behavior in both civic and moral affairs.
Ibrahim came from one of the area's wealthier families. From an early age he expressed an interest and talent for book learning. Though the overwhelming majority of his society's members were engaged in manual labor for their subsistence--which were comprised principally of fishing and agriculture and the industries that supported the two--there were needs--or room for "intellectually" oriented members to help guide policy and behavior. As Ibrahim showed very little interest, talent, or ability for manual activities it was quite natural for his family to have him specially educated. They could afford it. Under the guidance of hired tutors Ibrahim's his intellectual interests could be guided into pursuits that might prove useful to Allah, to his people. Eventually Ibrahim's family found him an apprenticeship with a well respected elder, a religious cleric.
When he finished his education he returned to his hometown, to his family, to try to establish a law practice. There a neighbor girl, whom we shall call by her spirit name, Toril, took it upon herself to try to befriend Ibrahim. She had always been fascinated by Ibrahim's intellectual prowess. Her amiable ministrations were mainly intended to try to help Ibrahim become more known, more intimate and accepted with the townspeople, within society. Ibrahim, however, construed Toril's attentions as more than friendly and thus took this opportunity to fulfill his religious obligation to take a wife. Thus they married. Toril was quite fine with the arrangement as she understood Ibrahim far more thoroughly than he.
It must be pointed out here that at this point in time Toril's Monadic evolution had progressed farther along the path than Paul. Her strong Ray 1 flow had enabled her to find and create much greater awareness and more successful expressions of Spiritual Flow in her Earthly incarnations--to loosen her Ego ties to the Grand Illusions. Thus it will not be surprising to learn that during this particular incarnation Toril had far more use of her Spiritual powers than Ibrahim--which she used to serve her community under the guise of a practice as a midwife and herbalist.
Ibrahim was able to pass his entire life thinking that he was highly regarded and respected for his knowledge and his wise counsel when in fact it was the community's profound respect and near-reverence for the disarming and healing powers of his wife that earned him his clientele. It was Toril's touch as a midwife, her unconditionally loving and empowering words of counsel and affirmation, her radiant presence of love and calm, that convinced pitying community members to pretend to value and need Ibrahim's counsel. It was not that Ibrahim was stupid or cruel or , it was how dry and how rote his applications of religious text were to the simple-minded commoners. He was an intellectual who was used to communicating with other educated intellectuals. His words oft-times found empty ears among the village common folk.
It was only on Ibrahim's deathbed that he realized all of this. It was as his consciousness was beginning to detach from the host bodymind--as he was able to free his Mind from the veils of Ingorance and the constraints on Knowledge and Wisdom that the human bodymind imposes--that Paul was able to realize that Ibrahim's selfish Ego pride had given him a totally false and illusory sense of importance. It was also on Ibrahim's deathbed that Paul was able to see, for the very first time, the incredibly constant and ego-less source of Love that Ibrahim had been completely oblivious to his entire life. It was his wife, not he, who had provided so much strength and solace for so many. He saw that his own words, his pretend "wisdom" and counsel, had been false all along. He also recognized that his opinions, beliefs, and their sources were not even representative of any Spiritual Truth--at least, not nearly as much as a mere look, touch, smile, or word from his wife was able to convey. Here! Under his own roof! He had slept beside a true beacon of Divine Love! He had been in the exemplary presence of the highest Truth, Joy, Beauty and Love his entire adult life! And he had been ignorant--obtuse to it--the entire time! And he understood that all of this was due to his own walls of learning, his own airs of superiority, his religion's constructs of 'expertise' and hierarchy.
Humiliated and dumbfounded, Paul left the Ibrahim lifetime full of remorse and shame. This is when he chose to create the barren Limbo/Purgatory world of isolation for his self-imposed prison; he created a place to punish himself until he was able to grieve for the loss of this "wasted" lifetime--this lifetime in which he accomplished nothing but entrapment within the false constructs of Ego--this despite the constant flood of Love, Joy, and True Wisdom of his constant companion! his very own wife!
It would take Paul much time and thought--as well as a few incarnations--to "heal"--to regain awareness of his own Spiritual integrity--to realize that at his core his Spiritual Knowledge was intact and whole. The greatest lesson we can take away from these lifetimes in the Earth School is how persuasive, almost addictive, the mental and emotional constructs of four-dimensional human experience can be. The conditioned and reinforced tools humans accrue--which seem quite necessary for physical survival as well as for success within the strange rules and conditions of human society--become so ingrained and imprinted, take on such a power and resiliency, that they are difficult to shed even after one has left behind the body and other physical confines of the Earth School! As we can see through Journeyman Paul's example, carrying the human-built Ego constructs into the Spirit World clouds and detracts from the Monad's full abilities to learn and plan. Yet, lest we cast too much blame on Paul, I must inform you that Paul is not the odd man in this pattern. The truth is quite the opposite. In fact, in this current Earth-based model we call Homo sapiens sapiens we have created such a convincing vehicle and difficult test for our Souls to try to master and control that it is now the vast majority of souls leaving the human experience who unwittingly find themselves "trapped" in attachments to Ego/Personality constructs. Under these conditions it becomes ever more difficult to remember what is an illusion and what is real. But, then, the most essential lesson to be gained here is the reminder that it is all illusion! Even the 'Spirit World' is part of the scheme of Dualistic Illusions--and especially of the grandest illusion of the all: the Illusion of Separation. Layers upon layers upon layers of metaphor, all intended for our use, our experience, our adventure, our play. Remember: the whole point of this Earth School environment is to learn to recognize and then use the Illusions for your own purposes rather than letting them use you.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Two Priests Caught Up in Two Very Different Crusades
At the end of our Western Civilization-termed "12th Century A.D." Journeyman Paul committed a portion of his Spiritual Energy to the occupancy of a male body in southern France. At a very young age it was determined by external forces (though Paul had planned for this) that this boy would be lined up for a life in the priesthood of the Roman Catholic Church. Paul's young priest got sucked into a movement while still in training that resulted in what we retrospectively call the "Children's Crusade." Not yet 18 years old, Paul was assigned to a job of helping to facilitate the care, transport and temporary quartering of groups of orphaned children and impoverished (homeless) adults who had been swept off of the streets of urban centers like Marseilles. These pauvres were held in holding compounds (old church structures and dilapidated Roman structures) until sea passage could be arranged for them to be sent to the Holy Land where they were to act on behalf of the Holy Roman See as emissaries or "soldiers" of peace.
Paul fulfilled his duties with patience, competence, and compassion. In fact, his performance of his assigned duties was so satisfactory that it led to his assignment as a chaperone and Church representative on one of the ships leaving Marseilles for the Holy Land. The ship ran afoul in a storm off of the island shores of Sardinia and sank, losing all life aboard, including that of Paul's young priest.
What became the most devastating effect of this lifetime for Journeyman Paul was the knowledge he became aware of upon his death that the motives of the Church powers who brokered this deal from the start were less than genuine. The said "Crusade" of "Soldiers of Peace" was actually created to serve the Church and its European community the dual function of cleaning up and ridding its urban centers of the unsightly "filth" of poverty while at the same time offering the tribute to the leaders of the Eastern Church a gift of human resources. Slaves. Paul never thought for a moment that the Church fathers' motives were anything but honorable and altruistic. To discover that his charges--those unfortunate and disenfranchised people that he had come to know and love intimately and individually--were considered nothing but a cargo, a commodity, for trade--that they were in fact all being sold into slavery--this was quite a blow to Paul's esteem--to his trust of the 'system' of planning and choosing one's human life. From this point on he avowed to himself to pay more attention to the whole web of potentialities, circumstances and consequences that each potential human life he considered was being exposed to. This also caused a seed of motivation to take root inside him: to try to exact some revenge or retribution upon the arrogant and corrupt Roman Catholic Church that had duped and used him so heinously.
Unfortunately, overlooked were several accomplishments that Paul achieved in this brief life that deserve recognition and praise. The fact that Paul had made himself trusting of and subservient to the will of others, to the rules of traditions and of others, to the mindless following of orders can be turned to look at from the perspective that he had actually performed in those capacities quite well, obediently and competently, if uncritically. Also, his patience, compassion and rather selfless, fearless treatment of the unfortunates placed in his care was quite laudable--despite (or, perhaps, due to) the fact that he was but seventeen years old.
Another interesting trend one can see from the succession of Journeyman Paul's human lifetimes is how little family of origin relationships matter to the lessons and progress Paul takes away from each lifetime. The family- and society-/culture-of origin contributes the conditions and pre-established patterns that shape and mold the individual's Ego constructs--which then becomes the Spirit/Soul Plan's goal to overcome. Paul has consistently seen his independent, post-family-of-origin years as the source for his growth and progress.
This affirms a feeling I've had for a long time. I have felt that family-of-origin relations and allegiances are often quite unnecessary and often forced. My own parents and brothers and other close relations provided reflective and conditioning materials for this Drew Fisher vehicle but they have proved less useful for the individual travels I've needed to make in order to achieve the goals that Paul and his council set forth for this and other lifetimes. This is but one of many, many examples of rules and aphorisms that were human created and serve some human system perpetuation (or distraction tactic) not true Spiritual focus and growth.
I feel quite a strong affinity to the attitude commonly practiced in India in which life is divided into three stages, each of which, in their healthiest states, is fully focused on the pursuits appropriate to the search for fulfillment, happiness, and spiritual liberation. The first stage of this 'system' is called Brahmacharya (which translates roughly as "bachelor") or the Youth/Education stage. It is the stage in which we are focused on forming our individual identity, discovering our individual talents and proclivities, as well as our weaknesses. The second stage is Grihastha (meaning "householder") or the Work and Family stage. This is the period in life in which we find satisfying work and satisfying companionship with which to raise our progeny. The final stage is that of retirement ("Vanaprastha") in which one's Spiritual Search takes priority. This is the stage of life in which our energies become focused on exploring and choosing our spiritual paths and which usually ends with renunciation ("Purusartha") of life's illusory material things. During this last phase it is very well accepted, even expected, that the post-child-rearing adult will leave and detach from previous associations and commitments in order to focus as much energy and attention to spiritual research and practice as possible. In this view it is accepted that each human being is on its own totally individualistic path. Thus family of origin and even family of choice (marriages with children) arrangements become temporary and disposable in accordance with the perceived paths the individual feels drawn to take.
I have noticed within the past-life information I have been given access to that very little family of origin information seems pertinent or to be of value to Paul's growth and progress. At least that is what the information sent my way seems to indicate. Parents, siblings and even children (the few times I know I had them) seem to have little or no bearing on the learning events that affected Paul's experiences and growth.
The next lifetime of Journeyman Paul's to which I have been given access is that of a parish priest in medieval France--a man who actively and willingly--even purposefully--participated in what historians call the Cathar heresies. Paul chose a bodymind of a boy born into a family in the River Tarn area of rural 13th Century France, not far from the town of Albi. This choice was rather purposeful as he came into this incarnation with a bit of an attitude. This was, of course, directly related to his finding out that his heinous role in the Children's Crusade, as passive as it was, was manipulated by deviant and criminal minds within the Roman Catholic Church. Like other incensed Monads who had been corrupted by the injustices of the self-serving elements of the Roman Catholic Church (or of other organized religious bodies), he decided to chose a lifetime in which he might have the chance to exact a little retribution upon the Church for its actions and motives. So Paul chose a life path in which he could take a more active authoritarian role as a village priest.
As a child, Paul chose a family in which he would be subjected to cruelties that he would be able to recognize for their origins in the religious conditions coming from the Church. This would in turn help 'remind' him of his 'plot' against the Church. Thus, the seeds of revenge were sown from a very young age. Steeled with a will bent on defiance as an adult, "Père Étienne" found himself attracted to many of the "new" beliefs and interpretations of the Bible that the Church had deemed "heretical." Many of them actually made much more sense to him at a very deep, core level than the mysterious and seemingly arbitrary rules and regulations imposed by Church dogma. These he adopted for himself and disseminated whole-heartedly to and among his village "flock."
Rumors spread (at that time Church spies were hired to travel the Empire with the mission of finding and reporting such indiscretions and heresies). At first he received letters and then visits from Church emissaries. They came to observe, assess, admonish and, eventually, threaten him and his congregation with the various "weapons" that the Church could deploy: formal investigation, trial, torture, excommunication, and death. Étienne's downfall and dénouement came when, despite repeated warnings and penalties, he continued teaching and leading his congregation down the path of "les bons hommes," which led The Vatican to commission a Grand Inquistion to his village. This, in turn, led to excommunication and death sentences for all of his villagers--even the children. Defiant in their 'heretical' ways to the end (and unwavering in their support of their beloved priest), Étienne was forced to watch as his entire village was brutally collected, bound and burned alive "at the stake"--the entire village, all at once, in one big screaming pyre. Excommunicated and exiled, Étienne was so horror-struck by the obscene cruelty of the Church leaders, so haunted by the memory and smell of his congregation burning and screaming in front of him, and so despondent, defeated and guilt-ridden by this unexpected outcome of his leadership, that he expended very little energy in trying to live. In fact, for days he wandered aimlessly in the canyon-like Tarn River valley, ambling about among the less-than-hospitable footpaths in a state of total shock, until he finally collapsed and died, freezing to death on the rural mountain paths of the Midi-Pyrenées.
In this lifetime as Father Steven, the village priest, Paul experienced the dark sides of arrogance and power that, he found, was inherent in the undeserved authority given (and taken) by the clergy. He was once again reminded of the troubles that arise when one gives one's power away to 'others' outside of oneself. Another reminder of the power of the Illusions--especially the Illusion of Separation.
This lifetime and its end events sent Paul reeling, once again, into choosing lives meant to punish himself--filled with self-abdicating and self-destructive behaviors. Poor Paul could not grasp the fact that his choices and their consequences were all natural to any participation in The Great Game of Creation--that duality always presents ripples of "bad" for every "good" action or intention--and there is, in fact, no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse--that all of these definitions are based on perspectives that are steeped in the belief that you are outside the realm of Divine Godness, on the forgetting of the fact that God is the constant source and imbuing spirit of all life, including your own.
Paul fulfilled his duties with patience, competence, and compassion. In fact, his performance of his assigned duties was so satisfactory that it led to his assignment as a chaperone and Church representative on one of the ships leaving Marseilles for the Holy Land. The ship ran afoul in a storm off of the island shores of Sardinia and sank, losing all life aboard, including that of Paul's young priest.
What became the most devastating effect of this lifetime for Journeyman Paul was the knowledge he became aware of upon his death that the motives of the Church powers who brokered this deal from the start were less than genuine. The said "Crusade" of "Soldiers of Peace" was actually created to serve the Church and its European community the dual function of cleaning up and ridding its urban centers of the unsightly "filth" of poverty while at the same time offering the tribute to the leaders of the Eastern Church a gift of human resources. Slaves. Paul never thought for a moment that the Church fathers' motives were anything but honorable and altruistic. To discover that his charges--those unfortunate and disenfranchised people that he had come to know and love intimately and individually--were considered nothing but a cargo, a commodity, for trade--that they were in fact all being sold into slavery--this was quite a blow to Paul's esteem--to his trust of the 'system' of planning and choosing one's human life. From this point on he avowed to himself to pay more attention to the whole web of potentialities, circumstances and consequences that each potential human life he considered was being exposed to. This also caused a seed of motivation to take root inside him: to try to exact some revenge or retribution upon the arrogant and corrupt Roman Catholic Church that had duped and used him so heinously.
Unfortunately, overlooked were several accomplishments that Paul achieved in this brief life that deserve recognition and praise. The fact that Paul had made himself trusting of and subservient to the will of others, to the rules of traditions and of others, to the mindless following of orders can be turned to look at from the perspective that he had actually performed in those capacities quite well, obediently and competently, if uncritically. Also, his patience, compassion and rather selfless, fearless treatment of the unfortunates placed in his care was quite laudable--despite (or, perhaps, due to) the fact that he was but seventeen years old.
Another interesting trend one can see from the succession of Journeyman Paul's human lifetimes is how little family of origin relationships matter to the lessons and progress Paul takes away from each lifetime. The family- and society-/culture-of origin contributes the conditions and pre-established patterns that shape and mold the individual's Ego constructs--which then becomes the Spirit/Soul Plan's goal to overcome. Paul has consistently seen his independent, post-family-of-origin years as the source for his growth and progress.
This affirms a feeling I've had for a long time. I have felt that family-of-origin relations and allegiances are often quite unnecessary and often forced. My own parents and brothers and other close relations provided reflective and conditioning materials for this Drew Fisher vehicle but they have proved less useful for the individual travels I've needed to make in order to achieve the goals that Paul and his council set forth for this and other lifetimes. This is but one of many, many examples of rules and aphorisms that were human created and serve some human system perpetuation (or distraction tactic) not true Spiritual focus and growth.
I feel quite a strong affinity to the attitude commonly practiced in India in which life is divided into three stages, each of which, in their healthiest states, is fully focused on the pursuits appropriate to the search for fulfillment, happiness, and spiritual liberation. The first stage of this 'system' is called Brahmacharya (which translates roughly as "bachelor") or the Youth/Education stage. It is the stage in which we are focused on forming our individual identity, discovering our individual talents and proclivities, as well as our weaknesses. The second stage is Grihastha (meaning "householder") or the Work and Family stage. This is the period in life in which we find satisfying work and satisfying companionship with which to raise our progeny. The final stage is that of retirement ("Vanaprastha") in which one's Spiritual Search takes priority. This is the stage of life in which our energies become focused on exploring and choosing our spiritual paths and which usually ends with renunciation ("Purusartha") of life's illusory material things. During this last phase it is very well accepted, even expected, that the post-child-rearing adult will leave and detach from previous associations and commitments in order to focus as much energy and attention to spiritual research and practice as possible. In this view it is accepted that each human being is on its own totally individualistic path. Thus family of origin and even family of choice (marriages with children) arrangements become temporary and disposable in accordance with the perceived paths the individual feels drawn to take.
I have noticed within the past-life information I have been given access to that very little family of origin information seems pertinent or to be of value to Paul's growth and progress. At least that is what the information sent my way seems to indicate. Parents, siblings and even children (the few times I know I had them) seem to have little or no bearing on the learning events that affected Paul's experiences and growth.
The next lifetime of Journeyman Paul's to which I have been given access is that of a parish priest in medieval France--a man who actively and willingly--even purposefully--participated in what historians call the Cathar heresies. Paul chose a bodymind of a boy born into a family in the River Tarn area of rural 13th Century France, not far from the town of Albi. This choice was rather purposeful as he came into this incarnation with a bit of an attitude. This was, of course, directly related to his finding out that his heinous role in the Children's Crusade, as passive as it was, was manipulated by deviant and criminal minds within the Roman Catholic Church. Like other incensed Monads who had been corrupted by the injustices of the self-serving elements of the Roman Catholic Church (or of other organized religious bodies), he decided to chose a lifetime in which he might have the chance to exact a little retribution upon the Church for its actions and motives. So Paul chose a life path in which he could take a more active authoritarian role as a village priest.
As a child, Paul chose a family in which he would be subjected to cruelties that he would be able to recognize for their origins in the religious conditions coming from the Church. This would in turn help 'remind' him of his 'plot' against the Church. Thus, the seeds of revenge were sown from a very young age. Steeled with a will bent on defiance as an adult, "Père Étienne" found himself attracted to many of the "new" beliefs and interpretations of the Bible that the Church had deemed "heretical." Many of them actually made much more sense to him at a very deep, core level than the mysterious and seemingly arbitrary rules and regulations imposed by Church dogma. These he adopted for himself and disseminated whole-heartedly to and among his village "flock."
Rumors spread (at that time Church spies were hired to travel the Empire with the mission of finding and reporting such indiscretions and heresies). At first he received letters and then visits from Church emissaries. They came to observe, assess, admonish and, eventually, threaten him and his congregation with the various "weapons" that the Church could deploy: formal investigation, trial, torture, excommunication, and death. Étienne's downfall and dénouement came when, despite repeated warnings and penalties, he continued teaching and leading his congregation down the path of "les bons hommes," which led The Vatican to commission a Grand Inquistion to his village. This, in turn, led to excommunication and death sentences for all of his villagers--even the children. Defiant in their 'heretical' ways to the end (and unwavering in their support of their beloved priest), Étienne was forced to watch as his entire village was brutally collected, bound and burned alive "at the stake"--the entire village, all at once, in one big screaming pyre. Excommunicated and exiled, Étienne was so horror-struck by the obscene cruelty of the Church leaders, so haunted by the memory and smell of his congregation burning and screaming in front of him, and so despondent, defeated and guilt-ridden by this unexpected outcome of his leadership, that he expended very little energy in trying to live. In fact, for days he wandered aimlessly in the canyon-like Tarn River valley, ambling about among the less-than-hospitable footpaths in a state of total shock, until he finally collapsed and died, freezing to death on the rural mountain paths of the Midi-Pyrenées.
In this lifetime as Father Steven, the village priest, Paul experienced the dark sides of arrogance and power that, he found, was inherent in the undeserved authority given (and taken) by the clergy. He was once again reminded of the troubles that arise when one gives one's power away to 'others' outside of oneself. Another reminder of the power of the Illusions--especially the Illusion of Separation.
This lifetime and its end events sent Paul reeling, once again, into choosing lives meant to punish himself--filled with self-abdicating and self-destructive behaviors. Poor Paul could not grasp the fact that his choices and their consequences were all natural to any participation in The Great Game of Creation--that duality always presents ripples of "bad" for every "good" action or intention--and there is, in fact, no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse--that all of these definitions are based on perspectives that are steeped in the belief that you are outside the realm of Divine Godness, on the forgetting of the fact that God is the constant source and imbuing spirit of all life, including your own.
Friday, March 13, 2015
The Roman Senator
Journeyman Paul spent a lifetime using the bodymind of a citizen of high standing in Rome during the relatively stable and growth period that is known as the Roman Republic, somewhere around 200 B.C.E. This lifetime is intriguing for its contrasts. Convinced of his honest, upstanding, and fair treatment of others, Paul is totally taken off guard when his life comes to an end with his own pre-meditated murder.
Choosing a bodymind of aristocratic birth and standing was a bold experiment of Paul's. Despite the social standing his birth afforded him, Paul chose from a very young age to live quite simply--probably carrying forward the patterns of austerity that had become ingrained in him from his previous lives in Asia. He felt little love or need of material possessions. He saw beauty in duty and order and found joy in predictability, honesty and truth. In the midst of his youth he found himself quite a devoted student of philosophy. All of this prepared and served him well for his high-minded participation in Roman government.
As the only child of elderly parents, he found himself on his own at a relatively young age. A far more social creature than one might imagine, Paul's social circles were full of other intellectuals and, later, of other members of government and members of other patrician families--especially ones who liked to fully immerse themselves in deeply philosophical or political discussions. Paul was so in love with his intellectual pursuits, with his ideals of practicing good government, that he never found an interest much less the time for romance or marriage. The altruistic musings of his own mind proved so constant and so consuming that though he lived life as a citizen of the greatest city of its age he walked the streets of Rome barely even noticing the plebeian population surrounding him. Yet he truly and fully believed that his ideals and opinions were quite even-handed and democratic. And he believed that his efforts and advocacies within government fully reflected this.
As an adult Paul chose to adorn the Palatine home that he inherited from his parents very sparsely. The incomes he gained from the extensive farm lands he had also inherited he chose to direct toward the glorification of his city, to army subsidies, as well as back to the farm workers and others in or affected by his employ. His villa atop one of Rome's most outlying hills (southeast of the city center) was very sparsely adorned though kept impeccably clean and immaculately landscaped. His service staff was minimal--tiny when compared with the lavish displays of other patrician families (whom he regarded with quite a little disdain--which he showed through dissociation rather than public or verbal display). He believed that he treated his staff and all in his employ with the same respect and regard as if they were his own family.
As a Roman Senator, Paul served his voting citizenry as honestly and morally as he could. He was simply ignorant of the biases his patrician upbringing and ruling class had provided. Remember: at this time Roman citizens were landowners. Cives Romani optima iure meant privileges and rights that 95% of the rest of Rome lacked. Paul was a member of "the one percent" yet he lived in total ignorance of the pent up feelings of anger and inequality welling up within the rest of the population. His insulated life never allowed him to be confronted with the realities and injustices of social and economic inequality.
In its end, Roman aristocrat Paul was killed by one of his own servants. A trusted and beloved kitchen and garden aide. A man who had long served Paul--and his parents before him--he came into the room in which Paul had been standing no different than thousands of times before. Paul, as usual, was caught up in the musings of his own active mind. The fire of hatred raging in the eyes of his servant was what first caught Paul's attention. Then the knife. "This is a trusted servant!" he found himself thinking, in total disbelief. As the diminutive man thrust the kitchen knife up into Paul's abdomen, just beneath his rib cage, Paul found himself offering no resistance. Totally unprepared for this--or anything like this--he remembers making the conscious decision to not fight these events, to remain passive. He remembers thinking that somehow at some level he must be deserving of this. "I have been nothing but kind to him! What anger could he have with me?" are the kind of thoughts running through his confused mind as he crumples to the ground and into unconsciousness and death.
Roman Paul had thought in perfect seriousness that he was without enemies. He believed that his attitudes of incorruptible honesty and fairness were universally respected. Also, he thought that his treatment of his serving staff had been faultless and totally nurturing. (Note this theme of arrogant naïveté as it continues to appear in many of Paul's Earth lives)
The lessons gleaned from this lifetime include the arrogance and ignorance of class privilege. There are unconscious prejudices that we form and accrue due to our birth and childhood circumstances. In this Roman lifetime Paul thought that he was doing good, acting fairly, treating others with the same or better treatment than others would have done--better than their social standings may have deserved. The errors in these thought patterns, I hope, are obvious. We are all humans, equally human, equal in our tasks and challenges; yet the conditioning coming from birth family and social culture forge mental patterns that contain inherent biases and prejudices--of which we may never become aware. BUT, it is in the struggle to rise above our conditioning to recognize universal equalities and practice detachment from the mental and emotional constructs that the Ego/Personality has built that is the true quest, the true goal of our ventures into four-dimensional Earth-based human experience. Though it is quite likely that you will discover these same patterns of arrogance and ignorance for any human life experienced in the Homo sapiens sapiens model, it does not make it right or excusable. We Monadic Beings created these conditions and trappings for the express reason of learning how to overcome them, of learning how to discover the Truths of Spirit while in human form--despite the murky trappings of the human experience. Hence, the accumulation of guilt and regret that some Monads carry forward into successive human lifetimes, that cause a predisposition toward repeated thought and behavior patterns over the course of multiple lifetimes. Journeyman Paul has been just as susceptible to these attachments as any other Monad venturing into the four-dimensional Earth School experience.
The result of the alarming mysteries of this Roman patrician life caused Paul to choose to return to a succession of human lives that lived ascetic or monastic conditions. He sought the combined possibility of penance and retribution, rediscovery. Some of these lives were chosen for their familiarity in Tibet and India, some were in the early Christianity of the Middle East and Mediterranean. Asceticism, monasticism, isolation, even martyrdom were some of the patterns Paul chose to return to and experimented with. Eventually, he became interested in trying on the European style of life and living under the Roman Catholic Church. These lifetimes are as yet unclear to me. They must have little or no useful or relevant information to offer this Drew Fisher consciousness. It is not until the 12th Century A.D. that I have the next memories of Journeyman Paul Earth incarnations.
Choosing a bodymind of aristocratic birth and standing was a bold experiment of Paul's. Despite the social standing his birth afforded him, Paul chose from a very young age to live quite simply--probably carrying forward the patterns of austerity that had become ingrained in him from his previous lives in Asia. He felt little love or need of material possessions. He saw beauty in duty and order and found joy in predictability, honesty and truth. In the midst of his youth he found himself quite a devoted student of philosophy. All of this prepared and served him well for his high-minded participation in Roman government.
As the only child of elderly parents, he found himself on his own at a relatively young age. A far more social creature than one might imagine, Paul's social circles were full of other intellectuals and, later, of other members of government and members of other patrician families--especially ones who liked to fully immerse themselves in deeply philosophical or political discussions. Paul was so in love with his intellectual pursuits, with his ideals of practicing good government, that he never found an interest much less the time for romance or marriage. The altruistic musings of his own mind proved so constant and so consuming that though he lived life as a citizen of the greatest city of its age he walked the streets of Rome barely even noticing the plebeian population surrounding him. Yet he truly and fully believed that his ideals and opinions were quite even-handed and democratic. And he believed that his efforts and advocacies within government fully reflected this.
As an adult Paul chose to adorn the Palatine home that he inherited from his parents very sparsely. The incomes he gained from the extensive farm lands he had also inherited he chose to direct toward the glorification of his city, to army subsidies, as well as back to the farm workers and others in or affected by his employ. His villa atop one of Rome's most outlying hills (southeast of the city center) was very sparsely adorned though kept impeccably clean and immaculately landscaped. His service staff was minimal--tiny when compared with the lavish displays of other patrician families (whom he regarded with quite a little disdain--which he showed through dissociation rather than public or verbal display). He believed that he treated his staff and all in his employ with the same respect and regard as if they were his own family.
As a Roman Senator, Paul served his voting citizenry as honestly and morally as he could. He was simply ignorant of the biases his patrician upbringing and ruling class had provided. Remember: at this time Roman citizens were landowners. Cives Romani optima iure meant privileges and rights that 95% of the rest of Rome lacked. Paul was a member of "the one percent" yet he lived in total ignorance of the pent up feelings of anger and inequality welling up within the rest of the population. His insulated life never allowed him to be confronted with the realities and injustices of social and economic inequality.
In its end, Roman aristocrat Paul was killed by one of his own servants. A trusted and beloved kitchen and garden aide. A man who had long served Paul--and his parents before him--he came into the room in which Paul had been standing no different than thousands of times before. Paul, as usual, was caught up in the musings of his own active mind. The fire of hatred raging in the eyes of his servant was what first caught Paul's attention. Then the knife. "This is a trusted servant!" he found himself thinking, in total disbelief. As the diminutive man thrust the kitchen knife up into Paul's abdomen, just beneath his rib cage, Paul found himself offering no resistance. Totally unprepared for this--or anything like this--he remembers making the conscious decision to not fight these events, to remain passive. He remembers thinking that somehow at some level he must be deserving of this. "I have been nothing but kind to him! What anger could he have with me?" are the kind of thoughts running through his confused mind as he crumples to the ground and into unconsciousness and death.
Roman Paul had thought in perfect seriousness that he was without enemies. He believed that his attitudes of incorruptible honesty and fairness were universally respected. Also, he thought that his treatment of his serving staff had been faultless and totally nurturing. (Note this theme of arrogant naïveté as it continues to appear in many of Paul's Earth lives)
The lessons gleaned from this lifetime include the arrogance and ignorance of class privilege. There are unconscious prejudices that we form and accrue due to our birth and childhood circumstances. In this Roman lifetime Paul thought that he was doing good, acting fairly, treating others with the same or better treatment than others would have done--better than their social standings may have deserved. The errors in these thought patterns, I hope, are obvious. We are all humans, equally human, equal in our tasks and challenges; yet the conditioning coming from birth family and social culture forge mental patterns that contain inherent biases and prejudices--of which we may never become aware. BUT, it is in the struggle to rise above our conditioning to recognize universal equalities and practice detachment from the mental and emotional constructs that the Ego/Personality has built that is the true quest, the true goal of our ventures into four-dimensional Earth-based human experience. Though it is quite likely that you will discover these same patterns of arrogance and ignorance for any human life experienced in the Homo sapiens sapiens model, it does not make it right or excusable. We Monadic Beings created these conditions and trappings for the express reason of learning how to overcome them, of learning how to discover the Truths of Spirit while in human form--despite the murky trappings of the human experience. Hence, the accumulation of guilt and regret that some Monads carry forward into successive human lifetimes, that cause a predisposition toward repeated thought and behavior patterns over the course of multiple lifetimes. Journeyman Paul has been just as susceptible to these attachments as any other Monad venturing into the four-dimensional Earth School experience.
The result of the alarming mysteries of this Roman patrician life caused Paul to choose to return to a succession of human lives that lived ascetic or monastic conditions. He sought the combined possibility of penance and retribution, rediscovery. Some of these lives were chosen for their familiarity in Tibet and India, some were in the early Christianity of the Middle East and Mediterranean. Asceticism, monasticism, isolation, even martyrdom were some of the patterns Paul chose to return to and experimented with. Eventually, he became interested in trying on the European style of life and living under the Roman Catholic Church. These lifetimes are as yet unclear to me. They must have little or no useful or relevant information to offer this Drew Fisher consciousness. It is not until the 12th Century A.D. that I have the next memories of Journeyman Paul Earth incarnations.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Lives in Asian Monasteries
After the incarnation as a Romeo-like scribe in Ancient Egypt in planet Earth's Western Hemisphere, Journeyman Paul decided to take a change of scenery, to experience a different environment of cultural and moral values and beliefs. What ensued was a succession of lifetimes spent in a variety of religious-oriented monastic communities in Asia. Born into typically agrarian and sometimes merchant families, Paul ended up in these religious communities sometimes through his own choice, sometimes by choice of his parents or family, sometimes through destitution or crime, a time or two through "tulku" or the process of seeking and recognizing souls that have reincarnated from previously known persons. Many of these lives were brief; a few were long and esteemed.
Not all of these lifetimes were spent in actual monasteries. Paul also dabbled in varying degrees of asceticism, both mountain yogi and nomadic and urban mendicant. Ever the serious student, Paul's purpose and hope were, of course, to have a better chance of overcoming the Ego-trappings of the physical and emotional realms--to avoid the arrogance and prejudices of upper, superior classiness and its inherent entitlements to certain material and emotional comforts and privileges. By living in conditions ranging from abject poverty to the relative comfort of monastic simplicity Paul thought he might better experience, learn and value detachment and thus more easily conquer the trap pins of the Ego/Personality. I'm sure that he also thought he would be making up for the excesses he perceived that he had lived and to which he worried that he had formed overly strong attachments in other lives.
Consequently, some of the spillover into this current Earth foray as Drew Fisher include a comforting familiarity and subtle draw or longing for solitary, monastic lifestyles as well as to out-of-doors, nature-based living spaces, and an ease and familiarity with meditation--in many forms. There is also present a kind of disinterest in ritual and all things with singular systems or paths. Even though I enjoy and appreciate the beauty and discipline of ritual and that of iconography and religious art and architecture, I do not feel drawn to be a participant in such--especially if it feels unnatural or forced upon me. This is true for music as well: I can feel the influence and effect of music--the way music and all religious art can be used to uplift the soul, to aspire toward transcendent states of consciousness, but I also recognize that these are tools--and that sometimes these tools are too sophisticated and too elaborate--"overkill" as they say--and that there are means to transcendent or detached states of consciousness that are simpler, more immediate, more like the switching of a switch.
I love darkness. I love isolation and solitude. I love silence. I love time and space for thinking, for 'daydreaming.' I love the repetitious background sounds of drone music. I love Indian music. I love Gregorian chant. I love and feel the effects of chimes, bells, gongs, drums, and 'singing' bowls. I lack any kind of aptitude or memory for words and lyrics; my capacity for memorization and quotation have been near nil my entire life. I like being told what to do. I like continually expanding my thinking, hearing new information and trying to accommodate and assimilate it, always drawn to more, to new, to expansion and not growing stagnant or stale. I especially enjoy having and taking the time for ruminating over abstract concepts and for allowing my imagination to roam. I find my own creativity to be the source of the most rewarding, transcendent moments of my life.
Whether or not all of these qualities come from patterns established during monastic lifetimes is immaterial. Though the specifics of these Asian monastic lives have not been revealed in detail to me, I am quite certain of their presence in Paul's development, and, at some level it makes sense to me, it fits, that these patterns come from the experiences of these lifetimes.
At the same time that these kind of lifestyle choices feel so familiar and comfortable--so easy--I am also able to find that center of detachment from them quite easily. A kind of "Been there, done that" kind of thinking.
I am guessing that there are two main reasons for the lack of detail and specifics in my recollections of these lifetimes. First, the draw to monastic living is now so comfortable and powerful to me that Paul wants to avoid returning there; he knows that his potential for growth is now much greater when working with people, in real time relationships in secular society--and that there are challenges and lessons to be learned that require risk and adversity, conflict and diversity. Thus he is allowing less detailed information about those monastic lifetimes to filter into my consciousness so that I have no further fuel to ignite the urges to run away or escape.
Throughout this Drew Fisher life I have found myself repeatedly drawn to the 'imagined' ease and comfort of life of solitude, of monastic conditions. However, each time this has occurred there has arisen a voice from deep within me to remind me, "No, you've done that. Your lessons are through being with people." And I have listened. I have 'put myself out there' when my Ego/Personality is telling me to retreat, to go into isolation--which I have still managed to do a great deal as I have recognized the self-healing powers that my "cave time" affords me. Alone I can 'heal' and recharge, ready myself for another foray out into 'the jungle' of social interactivity.
The second reason that I believe Journeyman Paul has not found it useful to reveal much information to me about his Asian monastic lifetimes is that that information has little or no value or relevance to the choices and decisions he had planned for me in this Drew Fisher lifetime. I already feel attracted to the ideals and "comforts" of solitary, monastic life, so, denying me any more information serves (hopefully) to remove any information that could further fuel my desire/yearnings to choose those types of living situations. Also, it denies my brain the clutter that could cloud my ability to hear the Voice of Soul that reminds and urges me to continue choosing society at large for my learning environment.
Through the use of monasticism and devotion to ritual and ideas Paul's desire to boost the development of self-confidence and strengthen the flow of will were satisfied. Eventually he made the decision to return to more diverse social immersion in order to test himself against the snares of power and materialism. The next lifetime of which I have been given memory is that of a Roman Senator in the time of the Roman Republic, Second Century BCE, approximately one hundred years before the birth of Julius Caesar.
Not all of these lifetimes were spent in actual monasteries. Paul also dabbled in varying degrees of asceticism, both mountain yogi and nomadic and urban mendicant. Ever the serious student, Paul's purpose and hope were, of course, to have a better chance of overcoming the Ego-trappings of the physical and emotional realms--to avoid the arrogance and prejudices of upper, superior classiness and its inherent entitlements to certain material and emotional comforts and privileges. By living in conditions ranging from abject poverty to the relative comfort of monastic simplicity Paul thought he might better experience, learn and value detachment and thus more easily conquer the trap pins of the Ego/Personality. I'm sure that he also thought he would be making up for the excesses he perceived that he had lived and to which he worried that he had formed overly strong attachments in other lives.
Consequently, some of the spillover into this current Earth foray as Drew Fisher include a comforting familiarity and subtle draw or longing for solitary, monastic lifestyles as well as to out-of-doors, nature-based living spaces, and an ease and familiarity with meditation--in many forms. There is also present a kind of disinterest in ritual and all things with singular systems or paths. Even though I enjoy and appreciate the beauty and discipline of ritual and that of iconography and religious art and architecture, I do not feel drawn to be a participant in such--especially if it feels unnatural or forced upon me. This is true for music as well: I can feel the influence and effect of music--the way music and all religious art can be used to uplift the soul, to aspire toward transcendent states of consciousness, but I also recognize that these are tools--and that sometimes these tools are too sophisticated and too elaborate--"overkill" as they say--and that there are means to transcendent or detached states of consciousness that are simpler, more immediate, more like the switching of a switch.
I love darkness. I love isolation and solitude. I love silence. I love time and space for thinking, for 'daydreaming.' I love the repetitious background sounds of drone music. I love Indian music. I love Gregorian chant. I love and feel the effects of chimes, bells, gongs, drums, and 'singing' bowls. I lack any kind of aptitude or memory for words and lyrics; my capacity for memorization and quotation have been near nil my entire life. I like being told what to do. I like continually expanding my thinking, hearing new information and trying to accommodate and assimilate it, always drawn to more, to new, to expansion and not growing stagnant or stale. I especially enjoy having and taking the time for ruminating over abstract concepts and for allowing my imagination to roam. I find my own creativity to be the source of the most rewarding, transcendent moments of my life.
Whether or not all of these qualities come from patterns established during monastic lifetimes is immaterial. Though the specifics of these Asian monastic lives have not been revealed in detail to me, I am quite certain of their presence in Paul's development, and, at some level it makes sense to me, it fits, that these patterns come from the experiences of these lifetimes.
At the same time that these kind of lifestyle choices feel so familiar and comfortable--so easy--I am also able to find that center of detachment from them quite easily. A kind of "Been there, done that" kind of thinking.
I am guessing that there are two main reasons for the lack of detail and specifics in my recollections of these lifetimes. First, the draw to monastic living is now so comfortable and powerful to me that Paul wants to avoid returning there; he knows that his potential for growth is now much greater when working with people, in real time relationships in secular society--and that there are challenges and lessons to be learned that require risk and adversity, conflict and diversity. Thus he is allowing less detailed information about those monastic lifetimes to filter into my consciousness so that I have no further fuel to ignite the urges to run away or escape.
Throughout this Drew Fisher life I have found myself repeatedly drawn to the 'imagined' ease and comfort of life of solitude, of monastic conditions. However, each time this has occurred there has arisen a voice from deep within me to remind me, "No, you've done that. Your lessons are through being with people." And I have listened. I have 'put myself out there' when my Ego/Personality is telling me to retreat, to go into isolation--which I have still managed to do a great deal as I have recognized the self-healing powers that my "cave time" affords me. Alone I can 'heal' and recharge, ready myself for another foray out into 'the jungle' of social interactivity.
The second reason that I believe Journeyman Paul has not found it useful to reveal much information to me about his Asian monastic lifetimes is that that information has little or no value or relevance to the choices and decisions he had planned for me in this Drew Fisher lifetime. I already feel attracted to the ideals and "comforts" of solitary, monastic life, so, denying me any more information serves (hopefully) to remove any information that could further fuel my desire/yearnings to choose those types of living situations. Also, it denies my brain the clutter that could cloud my ability to hear the Voice of Soul that reminds and urges me to continue choosing society at large for my learning environment.
Through the use of monasticism and devotion to ritual and ideas Paul's desire to boost the development of self-confidence and strengthen the flow of will were satisfied. Eventually he made the decision to return to more diverse social immersion in order to test himself against the snares of power and materialism. The next lifetime of which I have been given memory is that of a Roman Senator in the time of the Roman Republic, Second Century BCE, approximately one hundred years before the birth of Julius Caesar.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
The Egyptian Scribe
Journeyman Paul took a human body in what we call Ancient Egypt that was memorable for its prime storyline being that of the ensuing relationship with the Egyptian princess that was serving his Birth Twin, Toril. Toril had chosen a female body within the House of Royalty in the Egyptian world. Paul had chosen the bodymind of a male age-mate of Toril's but had explicitly chosen to incarnate into a family which moved within a different social caste of that very strictly defined society. Paul chose a bodymind that was born into a family of the Scribe caste. Educated and privileged--and, in this case, working quite closely with the Royal family--Paul had access to many of the same comforts and as Princess Toril. He received, however, quite a different conditioning as to his place, purpose, and future. Toril was conditioned for rule, power, self-confidence, will, authority, to be served, to be be revered and even worshipped--and most definitely to be separate and above her "subjects." Paul, in turn, was trained for service, for perfection, to please others, to look to others for approval, to give his power away to his "betters" to authority
Toril's early education came in the form of private tudors, usually arranged one-on-one, and all experienced in the protective isolation of the cloistered houses of Royalty. Paul was educated on the grounds of the lodgings and offices of the Royal Family but on the fringes, in groups, classrooms, led by a few highly demanding teachers. In Paul's situation he was always conscious of having to seek the approval and praise of teachers for they were the usual means to much preferred and much competed for job placements. The world of the Scribe caste was highly competitive and even dangerously so. The achievement of preference among the small aristocratic class--which was basically made up of the Royal Family and all its relations--meant great benefit to that scribe and his family. It could even mean power and influence. positions of rank and position according to his talents, discipline and hard work.
The "problem" from which the two learned so much--and which they had both actually planned ahead of time--came in two forms. Paul and Toril are, if you remember, soul mates. They are, in fact Twin Souls. Thus, the mutual attraction they have for one another--no matter where they are--is magnetic. They are polarized charges of Yin and Yang; prime dance partners in the great Dance of Cosmic Creation. But, compound this undeniable attraction with their placement in bodies of age mates of the opposite sex and you are then dealing with quite powerful forces of Nature--of biochemistry, pheromones, and a little thing we call "puberty."
Allowed occasional contact as small children, the two formed a friendship quite early. But with advances in age, their days became structured in quite different and quite divergent ways. At this time in Egyptian history, royalty were not allowed to mix with their lessors ever and members of the scribe caste were not allowed to interact with Royalty unless it was by the design and behest of the adults of the Royal Family. The rules were clear and time-tested, but the small children did not and could not understand the reasons (if ever any were given) for such rules. All they knew was that they wanted to spend time with the one another. Thus, their mutual attraction caused many tense and uncomfortable situations within their respective families. Both children pestered their parents and elders with a seemingly constant barrage of questions with regards to the rules and regulations of the time. The innocents found it quite difficult to understand rules that virtually prohibited their friendship as well as the reasons for the punishments that followed their occasional and, at first, very innocent and unplanned interactions.
Paul and Toril spent their childhoods being forced to conform to very different thought and behavior patterns. And yet, beneath it all the acting and toeing of the line, they were each secretly hoping for contact with the other. A smile, a wave, a fleeting glimpse. Anything to satisfy their yearning. I'm not sure if I would call their attraction obsessive. At first it was not, but it may have become so due to the way their families and the times denied their relations. Still, there occurred a few serendipitous encounters that allowed them some actual interaction. However, each time, once found out, they were quickly separated and then lectured.
Eventually, as will and comprehension of the rules and holes in the systems were figured out, the two began devising clandestine means of communication. Written notes, passed in a variety of exceedingly risky ways. Notes on food trays, in water jugs, in laundry and fabric deliveries, even in chamber pots. Clandestine meetings were also arranged. Some were foiled by external circumstances and had to be aborted. Others were successful and gratifying, despite the high level of risk involved. On two occasions they were found out and punished, repeatedly admonished, and incurred the tightening of surveillance and restrictions that goes with breaches of such forbidden behavior. And then something worse than anything else happened. Puberty arrived and with it a whole new level of attraction, curiosity and desire.
Toril had long been using human bodies in the four-dimensional worlds to foster growth in confidence and success. More strong-willed than most, Toril's monad is typically quite indomitable and intractable once she gets a goal or motivating idea in her mind. This life as an Egyptian princess did nothing to assuage this force. It may, in fact, have done more to continue the will-building and illusion-bending process that she was fueling. In the end, as you will see, her disdain for rules and restrictions coupled with her affinity to Love prevailed over all other influences. Not family, not duty, not long established and honored social customs or rules, not fear of the unknown nor fear of pain or death had any influence on Toril's decisions to choose Love and loving above all else.
Paul, on the other hand, was much more under the "spell" of his familial and social conditioning. Remember: he had had attitudes of service and subservience drummed into his head from the beginning of this lifetime, whereas Toril had only known an environment condoning power and authority. So, for Paul, his single-minded dedication and attraction to Toril was always tempered by the guilt and self-questioning his trusted family and friends had imposed upon him. The presence of fear was much stronger in Paul's Ego/Personality. But Toril's will was indomitable. She was the one that masterminded the further and future trysts and clandestine encounters that the two had in their teen years. Paul willingly, excitedly, happily, participated in their schemings, but he was always more cautious, more fearful of the consequences. Toril seemed to only get bolder, to become more defiant as she met with resistance, restriction, censure and punishment.
The last time the two were together, when they were about fifteen or sixteen years old, they were caught. It was not a pretty scene. After being publicly beaten, Paul was ceremoniously brought before a Royal audience where it was pronounced that he would be banished from the Kingdom, exiled into the Western Desert, with orders that he was never to return--that he would be "welcomed with orders to be put to death" should he ever be found in the Nile regions again. Princess Toril made quite a scene before having to be restrain and physically removed from the chambers. That was the last time Paul the Scribe ever saw Toril. Or his family. Alone and severely lacking in the skills needed to survive his new circumstances, Paul died of starvation, dehydration and infection from some of the wounds he had received during his beating within a few weeks after being dropped off deep in the Western Desert.
Toril orchestrated her final act of defiance by leaving her family, leaving the Royal compound, leaving the only world she had ever known, to go out into the world to search for her beloved Paul. The privations of having to fend for herself when all she had ever known was minions of servants acting at her every whim beck and call was challenging. She survived for a few years--her confidence and wiles enabling her to figure out ways to get people to do things for her (while never using or even acknowledging any of her Royal heritage for influencing others). She could, after all, write and paint and weave and sing and found that she was very good with animals---and that she was not afraid--even enjoyed--hard physical labor. And she moved around, from village to village along the edge of the Western Desert, all the while searching for Paul. But, she never found him. And, eventually, she, too, died--partly due to an accident of weather but more out of a lack of desire to keep going. By this time she had figured out that her one true love was no longer on the planet and that her pursuits were futile. This made her significance and the purpose of her life take on quite a hollowness. When the dust storm engulfed her before she could reach proper shelter, she let go of her Egyptian body with very little struggle.
The lessons taken from these lifetimes come from two opposing directions: that of submission of will to the illusory power of external forces and that of assertion of Will in the face of these "external" forces. There is much to be learned from Toril's example, from her indomitable will and outcome of not giving her power away--of not giving her power to others, to the illusions of rules, power, fear and death. While Paul's education and conditioning did not support these same outcomes, he is able to learn (as always) from his Twin.
The next lives Paul chooses are intended to help him figure out how to regain some of that Ray 1 (the Cosmic Ray of Will and Power, of Sacrifice) flow. These lifetimes are located in ascetic or monastic conditions where devotion and ritual, religious study, and the anti-materialistic perspective of deprivation are intended as teachers. Paul recognizes the limitations human mental conditioning can place on Spiritual awareness and flow. He plans to do something about it.
Toril's early education came in the form of private tudors, usually arranged one-on-one, and all experienced in the protective isolation of the cloistered houses of Royalty. Paul was educated on the grounds of the lodgings and offices of the Royal Family but on the fringes, in groups, classrooms, led by a few highly demanding teachers. In Paul's situation he was always conscious of having to seek the approval and praise of teachers for they were the usual means to much preferred and much competed for job placements. The world of the Scribe caste was highly competitive and even dangerously so. The achievement of preference among the small aristocratic class--which was basically made up of the Royal Family and all its relations--meant great benefit to that scribe and his family. It could even mean power and influence. positions of rank and position according to his talents, discipline and hard work.
The "problem" from which the two learned so much--and which they had both actually planned ahead of time--came in two forms. Paul and Toril are, if you remember, soul mates. They are, in fact Twin Souls. Thus, the mutual attraction they have for one another--no matter where they are--is magnetic. They are polarized charges of Yin and Yang; prime dance partners in the great Dance of Cosmic Creation. But, compound this undeniable attraction with their placement in bodies of age mates of the opposite sex and you are then dealing with quite powerful forces of Nature--of biochemistry, pheromones, and a little thing we call "puberty."
Allowed occasional contact as small children, the two formed a friendship quite early. But with advances in age, their days became structured in quite different and quite divergent ways. At this time in Egyptian history, royalty were not allowed to mix with their lessors ever and members of the scribe caste were not allowed to interact with Royalty unless it was by the design and behest of the adults of the Royal Family. The rules were clear and time-tested, but the small children did not and could not understand the reasons (if ever any were given) for such rules. All they knew was that they wanted to spend time with the one another. Thus, their mutual attraction caused many tense and uncomfortable situations within their respective families. Both children pestered their parents and elders with a seemingly constant barrage of questions with regards to the rules and regulations of the time. The innocents found it quite difficult to understand rules that virtually prohibited their friendship as well as the reasons for the punishments that followed their occasional and, at first, very innocent and unplanned interactions.
Paul and Toril spent their childhoods being forced to conform to very different thought and behavior patterns. And yet, beneath it all the acting and toeing of the line, they were each secretly hoping for contact with the other. A smile, a wave, a fleeting glimpse. Anything to satisfy their yearning. I'm not sure if I would call their attraction obsessive. At first it was not, but it may have become so due to the way their families and the times denied their relations. Still, there occurred a few serendipitous encounters that allowed them some actual interaction. However, each time, once found out, they were quickly separated and then lectured.
Eventually, as will and comprehension of the rules and holes in the systems were figured out, the two began devising clandestine means of communication. Written notes, passed in a variety of exceedingly risky ways. Notes on food trays, in water jugs, in laundry and fabric deliveries, even in chamber pots. Clandestine meetings were also arranged. Some were foiled by external circumstances and had to be aborted. Others were successful and gratifying, despite the high level of risk involved. On two occasions they were found out and punished, repeatedly admonished, and incurred the tightening of surveillance and restrictions that goes with breaches of such forbidden behavior. And then something worse than anything else happened. Puberty arrived and with it a whole new level of attraction, curiosity and desire.
Toril had long been using human bodies in the four-dimensional worlds to foster growth in confidence and success. More strong-willed than most, Toril's monad is typically quite indomitable and intractable once she gets a goal or motivating idea in her mind. This life as an Egyptian princess did nothing to assuage this force. It may, in fact, have done more to continue the will-building and illusion-bending process that she was fueling. In the end, as you will see, her disdain for rules and restrictions coupled with her affinity to Love prevailed over all other influences. Not family, not duty, not long established and honored social customs or rules, not fear of the unknown nor fear of pain or death had any influence on Toril's decisions to choose Love and loving above all else.
Paul, on the other hand, was much more under the "spell" of his familial and social conditioning. Remember: he had had attitudes of service and subservience drummed into his head from the beginning of this lifetime, whereas Toril had only known an environment condoning power and authority. So, for Paul, his single-minded dedication and attraction to Toril was always tempered by the guilt and self-questioning his trusted family and friends had imposed upon him. The presence of fear was much stronger in Paul's Ego/Personality. But Toril's will was indomitable. She was the one that masterminded the further and future trysts and clandestine encounters that the two had in their teen years. Paul willingly, excitedly, happily, participated in their schemings, but he was always more cautious, more fearful of the consequences. Toril seemed to only get bolder, to become more defiant as she met with resistance, restriction, censure and punishment.
The last time the two were together, when they were about fifteen or sixteen years old, they were caught. It was not a pretty scene. After being publicly beaten, Paul was ceremoniously brought before a Royal audience where it was pronounced that he would be banished from the Kingdom, exiled into the Western Desert, with orders that he was never to return--that he would be "welcomed with orders to be put to death" should he ever be found in the Nile regions again. Princess Toril made quite a scene before having to be restrain and physically removed from the chambers. That was the last time Paul the Scribe ever saw Toril. Or his family. Alone and severely lacking in the skills needed to survive his new circumstances, Paul died of starvation, dehydration and infection from some of the wounds he had received during his beating within a few weeks after being dropped off deep in the Western Desert.
Toril orchestrated her final act of defiance by leaving her family, leaving the Royal compound, leaving the only world she had ever known, to go out into the world to search for her beloved Paul. The privations of having to fend for herself when all she had ever known was minions of servants acting at her every whim beck and call was challenging. She survived for a few years--her confidence and wiles enabling her to figure out ways to get people to do things for her (while never using or even acknowledging any of her Royal heritage for influencing others). She could, after all, write and paint and weave and sing and found that she was very good with animals---and that she was not afraid--even enjoyed--hard physical labor. And she moved around, from village to village along the edge of the Western Desert, all the while searching for Paul. But, she never found him. And, eventually, she, too, died--partly due to an accident of weather but more out of a lack of desire to keep going. By this time she had figured out that her one true love was no longer on the planet and that her pursuits were futile. This made her significance and the purpose of her life take on quite a hollowness. When the dust storm engulfed her before she could reach proper shelter, she let go of her Egyptian body with very little struggle.
The lessons taken from these lifetimes come from two opposing directions: that of submission of will to the illusory power of external forces and that of assertion of Will in the face of these "external" forces. There is much to be learned from Toril's example, from her indomitable will and outcome of not giving her power away--of not giving her power to others, to the illusions of rules, power, fear and death. While Paul's education and conditioning did not support these same outcomes, he is able to learn (as always) from his Twin.
The next lives Paul chooses are intended to help him figure out how to regain some of that Ray 1 (the Cosmic Ray of Will and Power, of Sacrifice) flow. These lifetimes are located in ascetic or monastic conditions where devotion and ritual, religious study, and the anti-materialistic perspective of deprivation are intended as teachers. Paul recognizes the limitations human mental conditioning can place on Spiritual awareness and flow. He plans to do something about it.
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