Tough Love

Years ago I received a powerful lesson from a book written by the enlightened Swiss master, Elisabeth Haich. In her autobiographical book, Initiation, Elisabeth describes her evolutionary path through recollections of two parallel Earth incarnations. Her journey through discovery and mastery of the "seven forms of Love" is amazing, but it is within that journey that one particular section has remained emblazoned on the scrolls of my mind:  her personal struggle through the 'final' and most difficult form of Love, which is, Tough Love.
     Tough Love is that form of love in which one must be able to find the strength to detach from the trials and tribulations of another person's journey, a loved one, and to then allow them the chance to suffer the consequences of their choices . . . on their own. In most cases, this challenging learning experience comes from within a relationship with a dear, beloved friend or relation--someone with whom we've fallen into patterns (usually unconscious and automatic) of helping a little too much--what psychologists today call "co-dependency." To fully evolve through the complete stages of love and loving, we must learn to recognize the fact that codependent behavior does little, truly, to help the growth and advancement of another soul. In fact, codependent behavior impedes personal progress because it allows the other person outside you to avoid struggle--and struggle is, after all, one of the main reasons we created and come to the Earth School. We grow through dealing with obstacles and adversity (which are, in fact, not real but exist as an illusory tool for self-reflection, self-awareness and Self-realization).
     Once we are able to recognize the disservice that our codependent, "enabling" behaviors provide to our loved ones, we must then learn to be able to catch these behaviors before they come out. Then, of course, comes the most difficult challenge of all: disabling our codependent behaviors--learning to let go, to detach, to hold back from our usual tendencies of stepping in with advice or assistance we need to learn to stop stepping into "other people's business." And then comes the most difficult part of all:  learning to keep a distance as we watch the inevitable "pain" and "failures" and struggles that our loved ones may attract. The reward comes in seeing their progress. Without our intercession they will be forced to take on responsibility. As they find successes--and build upon them--you will see your loved one grow in confidence, independence, self-reliance, and creativity. With self-assurance comes self-discovery. With self-discovery comes self-realization. With self-realization comes the eschewing of tools such as fear, pain and suffering as they are replaced by Joy and Love for the self-realizing human is recognizing his or her own power with its Infinite dimensions, he or she is opening to his or her innate curiosity and creativity and is, naturally, attracting information and experiences which promote expanding awareness, expanded understanding, and expanded Love.
     By helping others avoid their pain, suffering, and struggles, we are also helping them to avoid learning the valuable lessons that they may need--that They may have prescribed for themselves--in order to experience their own growth and development. Again, the Earth School is a place that was created expressly for the difficult emotion-based experiences--experiences that can provide very powerful opportunities for significant spiritual growth (which means "re-recognition of ever-expanding versions of our True Self, our Divine Essence"). Every time we step in to "rescue" someone else--whether out of love or pity--we may think that we're doing a good thing, but that good deed is really just a stroke for our Ego selves; that act of kindness or generosity or pity does far more to boost our own esteem than to help the other person. Our intercessions may, in fact, serve to attract more harm to the other person because they are taking away opportunities for them to achieve their own success, to build confidence; our intercessions may only serve to contribute to their low self-esteem and lack of motivation to try--as well as to reinforcing the dependent behaviors they've already formed. (Often dependents come to believe that they cannot in fact do anything for themselves. They will form increasing dependencies on others constructing patterns of always looking to others to help or rescue them, of avoiding responsibility altogether.)

     We live in a society--in an era--that has championed selfishness and Ego-centricity. The "Me generation" has evolved into the "borderline" "Yo-yo" society in which addiction and codependency have seized the day. We are just as likely to hear--in the same flow--"Come here and help me. I need you!" followed by, "Leave me alone. I hate you." And this will loop over and over. And it comes from so-called "loved ones!"
     Our cultural paradigms have become specialists in reinforcing patterns in which individuals have given their power away to other "experts" and "authorities" who are, naturally, "better," "smarter" and "stronger" than we individuals. Consequently, our society has given Tough Love a reputation of coldness and cruelty, and, ironically, of selfishness. But there is a strength in Tough Love that is very difficult to comprehend because it requires abdication of any attachment to all that Western "civilization" has come to value, e.g. material possessions, power, anthropocentricity, fashion and technology, unlimited extraction and exploitation, bigger, better, newer, etc.
     "The meek shall inherit the Earth" was not said as a claim that poor, depressed, weak, "sub-humans" were going to be given possession and control of the planet. Nor was it meant to mean that the meek will be the last ones standing after the rest of humankind has finished killing each other (though metaphorically and perhaps even literally this may not be far from the reality of events as they transpire in the near future). No, the meek are ones who are doing their work, who are recognizing the limiting human behaviors of attachment to material and physical things, who are learning that there are no spiritual rewards in greed, violence, and avarice. The so-called "meek" are those who are learning to detach from the "rules" of the "game" that human society was created for. Though the "game" was created by us, for our use, it was created as a test. We created the four-dimensional human condition in order to give our Selves the opportunity to try to figure out, over time, just how to  recognize the impermanent and illusory nature inherent in the Earth Plane's "physical" and "material" confines--and then to learn how to detach from these Illusions.
     As in the case of Elisabeth Haich, parenting often offers the ideal opportunities to learn and practice Tough Love. Modern "civilization" has done a wonderful job of miring the human species in the muck of emotional baggage. We are actually conditioned to learn to acquire addictions and codependencies. This occurrence is one of many natural consequences of the Earth's passing through the darker "hours" of its circuitous journey around the Galactic Clock. As we are currently about as far as we could be from the nurturing Light of Sol's Pleiadean twin, this is a time in which the murky forces of "maya"--of ignorance and Ego attachment--have ascended and the Radiant Light of Spiritual knowledge and Spiritual awareness is most distant from us. Addictive and codependent behaviors are outcomes of Ego dominance.
     Those of us who have chosen to incarnate on Earth during the current era of human experience are immersed in the Shadow of Ignorance and Fear. But this condition offers opportunities for tremendous growth. To succeed in conquering Ignorance and Fear, in opening to Light and Love despite the presence of Ignorance and Fear, shows tremendous strength and fortitude. Would that we all could succeed in these attempts, but, again, there is no right or wrong, no sooner or later, no better or worse. We will ALL eventually re-member our Divine Source, our Unified Oneness.
     So, whatever you are doing, wherever you find yourself, just remember that it is in perfect accord with the process of evolution--with the process of Being and Becoming. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. All of the learning opportunities--all of the information 'necessary' for growth and Self-realization, are around you and within you. At each and every moment! Always! It is always up to you to choose what to give your power and attention to. And it is always up to you and you alone to decide what to use for the continued development of your latest version of your greatest vision of Who You Want To Be (which you already are, you're just taking your time realizing it).
     So, whenever you're ready! We're all waiting!
    "Let the Sunshine in!"