As mentioned in previous podcasts, the Earth School environment and the paradigm of fear that currently manipulates human behavior within the "first world" have made the "modern" human experience rife with addictions ready to suck an individual into enslavement. Once the human vehicle's nervous system has been introduced to a pleasurable stimulus it is forever seeking to recreate or, worse, top that initial "high." Why we of the Monadic Kingdom decided to program that feedback loop into the emotion-based human experience I am unsure. I can only surmise that it was to further deepen the "test" that the human experience can provide.
I, Drew Fisher, have been just as conditioned by this environment, by this paradigm, and have been just as susceptible to coming under the power of addictions as the next American. I will remind you that for my first 20 years I walked the planet in a virtual fog of ignorance and naiveté--the malleable, fear-motivated automaton that Big Brother would have me be. I was also born into a fairly typical family in which addictions--some of which are even deemed socially 'acceptable'--had wormed their way into the behavioral and genetic fabric.
American way of life in general is full of addictions--many of which we are completely unaware and might not even consider addictive in their effect. At this point it might be appropriate to share with you my personal definition of the word "addiction." I define an addiction as the obsessive attraction to or perceived need for a substance, activity or stimulus whose perceived need for the individual's attention begins to erode the attentiveness and effectiveness of that individual's relationships with other people, normal duties and responsibilities as well as that individual's functioning in terms of healthy self-care, including 'proper' nutrition and sanitation. According to my definition, Americans are addicted to clothing, easy-access food, processed foods, consumerism, over-sanitation, easy transportation, telecommunications, a perceived 'need' for privacy, competition, and more--all of which arise from the Grand Illusions of Duality that We created expressly for the decision-making tests or challenges that they provoke.
I will remind you that human beings can and have survived without clothing, without air conditioning, without supermarkets, without computers, televisions, iPods and telephones, without throw-away consumables, without cars, in communities that practice mutual assistance instead of insulating, competitive behaviors for periods of history far, far longer than the period we have been in for the past two or three hundred years. Such have been the effects of our conditioning, the brainwashing that has occurred in order to get us to be involved, and get us to condone and endorse the Age of super-Leisure and ultra-Comfort, mega-Productivity and manic-Efficiency.
And so, as Drew Fisher, Journeyman Paul set himself up in full knowledge that there would be several addictions strapped on to weight down, slow down, challenge, and distract his Soul from focusing on the work order he had created for this incarnation in the Earth School. I have, I think, been fortunate to have had the wherewithal (that is, a well-thought out Soul Plan) to learn from the actions and (decidedly negative and unattractive) consequences that addictions had on friends and characters from media and fiction. Thus, I have made choices to avoid experimenting with many addictive substances and behaviors. There are other addictive substances and behaviors that I tried that I was able to learn through first-hand experience the negative and distractive aspects of their effects on me that I was then able to opt to discontinue and avoid repetition of those choices. And then there are those addictions that have been more deeply ingrained in me because they were modeled to me by things that I was in contact with almost every day of my life during my "impressionable" and "formative" years--like the people around me (family and friends) or the media (television and school). Being, as they say, "hard-wired" into my "tapestry" of neural patterning as "habits" by persistent and often insidious repetition, these addictions and addictive tendencies have provided me with challenging obstacles throughout my lifetime. When I find that they are distracting me from A) maintaining successful and open relationships with my family, friends, clientele and society in general or B) from continuing with my "soul work," then I get more introspective as to the real "need" that I feel towards these substances or activities and then I usually get more serious in my attempts to "deal" with or diminish the power that I allow them to have over me. Each "flare up" of a particular addictive tendency is invariably met or followed with a self-questioning period of guilt and remorse (which are both, I realize, wastes of time and energy but which signal the self-reflective "police" to the site of the "crime.")
(You may be wondering: If I believe, as I say I do, that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, etc., etc., then why should I even care about struggling with things like addictions and guilt and remorse and self-reflection? Why not just let them be?
Because, dear listener, the time, attention, and energy spent in dealing with these behaviors take time, attention and energy away from other activities and pursuits that Journeyman Paul may have prioritized in the Soul Plan that he and his Team put in play when they made the commitment to the Drew Fisher adventure.
"But," you may then ask, "How, then, do you know that working with addictions and other weighty time and energy suckers wasn't part of the very Soul Plan that Journeyman Paul and his Team set before the Drew Fisher Ego/Personality?"
And the answer is: I do not know. I have, actually, assumed that dealing with addictions and time- and energy-sucking emotional behaviors are very much a part of Journeyman Paul's task list for me, Drew Fisher--that he intended for me to have to learn from dealing with these 'obstacles' in my life with great seriousness and enthusiasm.)
And so I do. I struggle with addictions. I give them a lot of attention (which may in fact be giving them more power than they warrant or deserve). Over time I've learned that if I give these addictions less time and attention, that is, if I accept them as just part of who I am and who I am going to be for this lifetime, that they end up taking less time and provoking less 'need' for attention--which then opens up more time for relationships with other people, activities, and pursuits in my life. The more energy I put into fighting them, feeling guilty or trying to solve the puzzle of why they are present in my life, the more I take away from opportunities to be creative and loving, the more time I lose in realizing the tremendous Beauty, Truth, and Joy I have access to while in this Drew Fisher body in the Earth School.
I just had a thought! Perhaps 'Addictions' is just another course or set of courses in the Earth School curriculum! We opt into them for the challenge, for the excitement, for the potential learning: "Can I manage, overcome, and defeat the addictions that come my way, or will they end up taking over my life, distracting me from achieving the goals set forth in my Soul Plan?"
Such are the mysteries of the Earth School: What are the intentions behind the existence of addictions; how are they useful to Monads and the Spirit World? These are some of the questions of an as-yet unfinished student of the Earth School curriculum. In the meantime, I continue my study, continue my struggles, continue living life as I know how.
You'll hear some people say, "Who cares if a person has addictions so long as it's not affecting (or 'hurting') anyone else?" I've heard this old dismissive used often enough. It makes some sense until one remembers that, in reality, All Is One; everything is part of one singular, fluidly fluctuating energy field; everything is connected. Like the proverbial butterfly fluttering its wings in Brazil to set in motion a typhoon in Japan. Also, I am especially sensitive to the underlying, 'hidden' effects that addictions can have on intimate relationships because of the dynamic effects I felt and learned from the addictions within my own family of origin. No one escapes the rippling effect of the addict in their lives. The rest of us are at least co-dependents caught up in the addict's web. This is where detachment comes in handy. And taking back one's power by not giving it away to another--not even to an addiction.
I have an argument that I use to express my distaste for the domestication of animals for the purpose of keeping them as house pets. I believe that this argument can be applicable to addictions: I believe that the time and energy a person devotes to giving care and attention to a house pet is time that could have been spent giving time and energy (love) to a relationship with another human, such as a loved one, a less fortunate, or even to one's own self. I believe that this same 'advice' could be applied equally sagaciously to one's addictions: The time and energy one devotes to the care and attendance of an addiction or obsessional behavior is time that could have been spent giving time and energy (love) to a relationship with another human, with a loved one, with one's self. But, then again, who's to say that the time and energy giving love and attention to one's pet (and, one's addiction) isn't a positive flow of love and energy? I mean, there is no right or wrong, right? And all flow of energy (and time) is but a flow of Love, n'est-ce pas? So, my argument may be out of line and obsolete. So, disregard this paragraph, if you wish.
There is a saying I've heard several times in my spiritual studies that goes: "What you resist persists." This seems to corroborate my argument above with regards to the time and energy you put into fighting one's addictions. This also seems to follow the principles of the Law of Attraction as well as the postulate that Alice Bailey gave to us, "Energy follows thought." That is, what you give attention to, creates more energy, attracts more energy and attention, giving it more power and a greater presence in one's life. So, then, it would seem that a tactic of nonresistance, of acceptance, of going with the flow, of even finding other things to give one's attention and energy to, instead, would be good medicine for the treatment of addictions. If, that is, one chooses to work against the so-called addiction--if one chooses to want to try to direct the energy and attention that one exerts in addiction toward other things.
Can we look at one's addiction(s) as one's lover? One's life work? One's vocation, one's "major thesis"? I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but, as I keep reminding you (and myself): Energy follows thought! If you can imagine it then it can, of course, be true--and is, most certainly, possible. So, my final words of bumbling wisdom are: Love your addictions! The lessons will follow!
Monday, July 27, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
The Teachers: Toril Booker
Toril Booker is the name given and used by the current incarnation of Journeyman Paul's Cosmic Birth Twin. Toril did not have to return to a human body. Her monad had managed to achieve mastery and facile command of the laws of four-dimensional Earth School before this incarnation. As a matter of fact, she was on her way to focus her energies and attentions on issues and work which no longer involved use of the Earth School human experience. But, she decided--against all advice to the contrary, in her usual Ray 1 willful way--to make the journey into human form one last time in order to have one last chance to "play" with Journeyman Paul in the Earth School domain. As it turns out, I can now see that it was Journeyman Paul's insecurities and fears that caused him to beg for Toril to participate in this current incarnation (which turned out to be me, Drew Fisher). Toril threw a "cosmic tantrum" in order to secure her "permission" for her foray into her current human form.
Because Toril is more advanced in her consciousness, she came to Earth with the use of an unusually expanded awareness and with a more full "toolbox" than most humans in the Homo sapiens sapiens model possess. This expanded awareness and these extra tools have enabled Toril to negotiate some rather extreme and unusual obstacles on her path. But they have also enabled her to maintain a firm focus on her underlying purpose of this incarnation: to find and accompany the current incarnation of her Twin, Journeyman Paul. With a nine and a half year head start and a birth place geographically distant from Toril's, our Cosmic Game of Hide and Seek began with some handicaps. Toril traveled through her life with a fearless, will-powered, joy-filled recklessness that pulled her through all kinds of events and experiences that would have tripped up the most diligent of souls. But she also had a very explicit purpose which she was intent on realizing. Plus, knowing that this would be her last use of the human form, she was resolved to use every moment of her trip to the fullest extent of the gifts that the human experience provide.
Because of Toril's obvious and infectious joy, love, appreciation, will, and fearlessness, she has, quite naturally, attracted admirers, followers and "students" throughout her life. She inspires joy, love, confidence, courage, respect and reverence for life in everyone who meets her. People "feed" off of her. Again, this is as it should be as she has come to Earth with a previously earned-mastery of basic spiritual skills--the spiritual skills that make Earth laws hers to bend and use instead of her being subject to the illusory restrictions of these laws. The illusions of four-dimensional "reality" that Earth School presents to the Monadic world are seen and used as Illusions by those who have achieved recognition and mastery of the tools of Joy, Truth, Love, and Beauty, Will and Sacrifice, Knowledge and Wisdom, as Toril has. Since, at some level, we all seek and crave this achievement, we are all attracted to beings and stories that provide examples of any or all of the above; we all crave inspiration--which is, of course, the 'input' of 'spirit'. Toril's presence and, if you're lucky, her input, is always inspirational. And memorable.
Yet, Toril is not egocentric or cocky. She is not narcissistic or pretentious. She is not out for attention or credit or awards or recognition. She is just unwilling to be less than her self, to put on acts for others. She is always Toril and she is uncompromisingly open and honest. She is fearless of how anybody might react to her, of what anybody might think of her. Every second of her life has been lived as if it could be her last. She will leave with no regrets, no business left unfinished. She's often called a "bulldozer" because of her headstrong, "take no prisoners" attitude toward any task or job that she takes on. She has been observed to get more accomplished in one hour than the average human gets done in half a day. She is a force of Nature. (Interestingly, weather systems and planetary energy patterning is what she is in training for for her next "occupation" in the Spirit World.)
To be sure she has been a "butt-kicker" in Drew Fisher's life. Though it first hit me from the writings and speeches of inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson with her words, "The world needs you to be as big as you can be," I first felt the confidence and inspiration to actually do "bigger" work using "bigger" versions of myself to try to reach (and inspire) "bigness" in others from the effects of Toril's friendship and love. Unfortunately, I have my own stubbornness as well as my own fears and insecurities that continue to hold me back. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is that I have my own strengths and comfortable methods and pace of working toward spiritual growth and mastery. Toril and so many others have inspired me, but only I can figure out how, when and what baggage to let go of so that I can move forward. As hard as Toril tries, I sometimes think that my obstinate stubbornness may be equal to hers. (Which kind of makes sense since we are Cosmic Birth Twins.) Where Toril bulldozes ahead, I drag my feet behind. I think this is why most of our Earth School lifetimes have been spent apart. While her beacon of healing love has been strong and constant, the weight and shading effect of my emotional baggage has been equally persistent.
How did she learn to choose fearlessness and love so early in her travels? Where did Journeyman Paul "slip up" and fall so far "behind"? How did he get himself so caked with the mud and muck of human-generated emotional dross? We don't really know. That information has not, apparently, been important enough to have been deemed necessary to transmit into either of our conscious brains. Not that it matters, anyway. But I sometimes wonder. Anyway. Here we are! Toril is living life to the fullest because she knows this is her very last time in a human vehicle and she has decided to enjoy that experience to the fullest extent possible, while Drew Fisher trudges along at a methodical, turtle-like pace, making small breakthroughs on his road to mastering four-dimensional law. I like my pace--I'm enjoying myself--but sometimes I feel inadequate and insufficient when comparing myself to Toril and her attitudes and abilities. I know that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, but with the mirror of Toril around, I am constantly reminded of how far I have to go, of how much baggage I'm dealing with. This I try with varying degrees of effort to assimilate with an attitude that it is a 'good' thing.
I love working on myself but often find it feeling challenging when "distracted" by the inputs of work, eating, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, and other daily events that seem to go along with the territory of inhabiting a human body. Monastic life often seems like such an attractive alternative. Or discorporation. But, here I am. Working it out in one of the ways in which I am strong: writing my internal dialogue; purging my state of mind by physicalizing it like feces: "Go! Be gone! Enrich the Cosmos with your nutrients that are no longer of any use to me! I must move forward, must find new food, new information for reformation of this bodymind, for the successful completion of Journeyman Paul's mission that he has entrusted to me!"
Wish me luck!
Because Toril is more advanced in her consciousness, she came to Earth with the use of an unusually expanded awareness and with a more full "toolbox" than most humans in the Homo sapiens sapiens model possess. This expanded awareness and these extra tools have enabled Toril to negotiate some rather extreme and unusual obstacles on her path. But they have also enabled her to maintain a firm focus on her underlying purpose of this incarnation: to find and accompany the current incarnation of her Twin, Journeyman Paul. With a nine and a half year head start and a birth place geographically distant from Toril's, our Cosmic Game of Hide and Seek began with some handicaps. Toril traveled through her life with a fearless, will-powered, joy-filled recklessness that pulled her through all kinds of events and experiences that would have tripped up the most diligent of souls. But she also had a very explicit purpose which she was intent on realizing. Plus, knowing that this would be her last use of the human form, she was resolved to use every moment of her trip to the fullest extent of the gifts that the human experience provide.
Because of Toril's obvious and infectious joy, love, appreciation, will, and fearlessness, she has, quite naturally, attracted admirers, followers and "students" throughout her life. She inspires joy, love, confidence, courage, respect and reverence for life in everyone who meets her. People "feed" off of her. Again, this is as it should be as she has come to Earth with a previously earned-mastery of basic spiritual skills--the spiritual skills that make Earth laws hers to bend and use instead of her being subject to the illusory restrictions of these laws. The illusions of four-dimensional "reality" that Earth School presents to the Monadic world are seen and used as Illusions by those who have achieved recognition and mastery of the tools of Joy, Truth, Love, and Beauty, Will and Sacrifice, Knowledge and Wisdom, as Toril has. Since, at some level, we all seek and crave this achievement, we are all attracted to beings and stories that provide examples of any or all of the above; we all crave inspiration--which is, of course, the 'input' of 'spirit'. Toril's presence and, if you're lucky, her input, is always inspirational. And memorable.
Yet, Toril is not egocentric or cocky. She is not narcissistic or pretentious. She is not out for attention or credit or awards or recognition. She is just unwilling to be less than her self, to put on acts for others. She is always Toril and she is uncompromisingly open and honest. She is fearless of how anybody might react to her, of what anybody might think of her. Every second of her life has been lived as if it could be her last. She will leave with no regrets, no business left unfinished. She's often called a "bulldozer" because of her headstrong, "take no prisoners" attitude toward any task or job that she takes on. She has been observed to get more accomplished in one hour than the average human gets done in half a day. She is a force of Nature. (Interestingly, weather systems and planetary energy patterning is what she is in training for for her next "occupation" in the Spirit World.)
To be sure she has been a "butt-kicker" in Drew Fisher's life. Though it first hit me from the writings and speeches of inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson with her words, "The world needs you to be as big as you can be," I first felt the confidence and inspiration to actually do "bigger" work using "bigger" versions of myself to try to reach (and inspire) "bigness" in others from the effects of Toril's friendship and love. Unfortunately, I have my own stubbornness as well as my own fears and insecurities that continue to hold me back. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is that I have my own strengths and comfortable methods and pace of working toward spiritual growth and mastery. Toril and so many others have inspired me, but only I can figure out how, when and what baggage to let go of so that I can move forward. As hard as Toril tries, I sometimes think that my obstinate stubbornness may be equal to hers. (Which kind of makes sense since we are Cosmic Birth Twins.) Where Toril bulldozes ahead, I drag my feet behind. I think this is why most of our Earth School lifetimes have been spent apart. While her beacon of healing love has been strong and constant, the weight and shading effect of my emotional baggage has been equally persistent.
How did she learn to choose fearlessness and love so early in her travels? Where did Journeyman Paul "slip up" and fall so far "behind"? How did he get himself so caked with the mud and muck of human-generated emotional dross? We don't really know. That information has not, apparently, been important enough to have been deemed necessary to transmit into either of our conscious brains. Not that it matters, anyway. But I sometimes wonder. Anyway. Here we are! Toril is living life to the fullest because she knows this is her very last time in a human vehicle and she has decided to enjoy that experience to the fullest extent possible, while Drew Fisher trudges along at a methodical, turtle-like pace, making small breakthroughs on his road to mastering four-dimensional law. I like my pace--I'm enjoying myself--but sometimes I feel inadequate and insufficient when comparing myself to Toril and her attitudes and abilities. I know that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, but with the mirror of Toril around, I am constantly reminded of how far I have to go, of how much baggage I'm dealing with. This I try with varying degrees of effort to assimilate with an attitude that it is a 'good' thing.
I love working on myself but often find it feeling challenging when "distracted" by the inputs of work, eating, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, and other daily events that seem to go along with the territory of inhabiting a human body. Monastic life often seems like such an attractive alternative. Or discorporation. But, here I am. Working it out in one of the ways in which I am strong: writing my internal dialogue; purging my state of mind by physicalizing it like feces: "Go! Be gone! Enrich the Cosmos with your nutrients that are no longer of any use to me! I must move forward, must find new food, new information for reformation of this bodymind, for the successful completion of Journeyman Paul's mission that he has entrusted to me!"
Wish me luck!
Monday, July 13, 2015
The Teachers: Andrea Bachle Fisher
Andrea Morgan Bachle Fisher is the woman who volunteered to bear the burden of gestating, birthing, and parenting the bodymind that would become the Drew Fisher vehicle for Journeyman Paul. For eight months and three weeks she carried the forming body inside her before submitting to medical technology’s latest preferred and experimental means to allowing me passage into the world on June 7, 1958, nine hours and fifteen minutes into the day. It just so happened that Andrea ("Andy" she's called) was expected to be the attendant Matron of Honor in her only sister’s glorious wedding at 10:00 AM of the same morning, but she had to pass in lieu of other more pressing engagements. 57 years later, an attitude of placing the needs of her boys first continues to drive "Andy’s" primary motivations.
Motherhood and family matriarchy have been a serious business to her. At the same time, she has not been overly doting or controlling; each of her four sons have profited from her guidance and her example but have rarely felt forced or cajoled into any choice or course of action. A devout Roman Catholic, Andy allowed her four boys to choose their own religious paths—even encouraged them to explore and experiment. Herself molded by and comfortable within values and mores of the affluence of the upper echelons of American industrial society, she has understood and allowed, if, at times, disparagingly and reluctantly, her family members to make choices to move in and out of that same social class. She has always wanted the joys and happiness of comfort and choice that her own socioeconomic status has afforded her to be equally available and passed on to her loved ones. Naturally, it frustrates and disappoints her a little bit when her loved ones make choices outside of her own comfort zone. She's a mother. But she is fairly successful at dealing with these disappointments.
I stand in awe of these gregarious, empathetic, self-corrective talents and skills of Andy Fisher. But I also know that she struggles. I know that the effects of her conditioning--the behaviors ingrained in her from the influence of her family of origin and from her Catholicism and her American post-Depression, Industrial society morals and values--have led Andy to form certain behaviors that have undoubtedly served as major distractions from the growth and progress her Monad put forth in her Soul Plan for this incarnation. I like to think that I, too, have benefitted from these "negative" behaviors. I have been able to learn so much about the choices I do not want to make from watching other people--and perhaps no one more than my mother. It has been very illuminating and helpful for me on my own journey to recognize that my mother's issues are hers, not mine--that she may or may not be successful in dealing with these issues--and that this is okay--it is okay no matter what the outcome. What a powerful, important lesson!
I have really enjoyed and admired watching my mother's unbound energy and enthusiasm for social interaction. She is fearless of interaction with other humans. This has always seemed so foreign and amazing to me--even something that I have secretly desired. I imagine that it is no small coincidence that uber-social Andy Fisher was contracted to be present in my life since she provides a constant reminder of Journeyman Paul's "learn through social immersion" mission that he placed within my Soul Plan. This is probably one of the reasons that Paul and Andy's monad chose to work together in this lifetime. I wonder what she might have to say about what she's learned from me . . . .
Motherhood and family matriarchy have been a serious business to her. At the same time, she has not been overly doting or controlling; each of her four sons have profited from her guidance and her example but have rarely felt forced or cajoled into any choice or course of action. A devout Roman Catholic, Andy allowed her four boys to choose their own religious paths—even encouraged them to explore and experiment. Herself molded by and comfortable within values and mores of the affluence of the upper echelons of American industrial society, she has understood and allowed, if, at times, disparagingly and reluctantly, her family members to make choices to move in and out of that same social class. She has always wanted the joys and happiness of comfort and choice that her own socioeconomic status has afforded her to be equally available and passed on to her loved ones. Naturally, it frustrates and disappoints her a little bit when her loved ones make choices outside of her own comfort zone. She's a mother. But she is fairly successful at dealing with these disappointments.
One of the most remarkable character traits that I have noticed as a consistent, constant in Andy Fisher's walk on planet Earth is in the generosity of her emotional support to others. Andrea has always seemed to have had a very busy social calendar as well as a long line of daily telephone callers—each reaching out to her to share their troubles, to share their family’s bad news, to share their humanity. She has been a confidant, therapist, supporter, source of empathy, consolement and resources to countless people of all ages and this has remained true during all periods of her life. The litany of people who reach out to Andy in times of trouble is astounding in length—and seems to never shrink. Family members, childhood school mates, ex-boyfriends, new friends that she is always seeming to be making, sisters and brothers and lovers and children and grandchildren of friends and family—the net keeps getting larger and wider. When you talk about "six degrees of separation," I think that my mother’s degrees of separation from any person on the planet would be four, or five at the most. She knows somebody who knows somebody who knows something about any topic there is to know. And she is not afraid to use her network. Not for her own benefit, more for information. You see, Andy also has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, understanding, information, the latest news, the latest theories and plots, and she remains open to information from all sides, from all biases, gathering, filtering, and sifting through it all so she can assimilate and accommodate it into her current understanding of the world--which is surprisingly elastic and ever-evolving.
Another remarkable trait that Andy Fisher has worked with throughout her lifetime from which I have benefitted tremendously through her example is her ability to be flexible, resilient, and detached when faced with adversity or negativity. While not a master of these behaviors, she has worked hard and made great strides in this area. Also, Andy has cultivated a remarkable ability to forgive. Perhaps this is where her ability to rebound from adversity arises. Or perhaps it is from her tireless ability to dive head first into the research necessary to learn about that which confronts her. Or perhaps it is due to her use of various methods which help her to successfully vent, process, or ignore and compartmentalize (suppress) her negative feelings.I stand in awe of these gregarious, empathetic, self-corrective talents and skills of Andy Fisher. But I also know that she struggles. I know that the effects of her conditioning--the behaviors ingrained in her from the influence of her family of origin and from her Catholicism and her American post-Depression, Industrial society morals and values--have led Andy to form certain behaviors that have undoubtedly served as major distractions from the growth and progress her Monad put forth in her Soul Plan for this incarnation. I like to think that I, too, have benefitted from these "negative" behaviors. I have been able to learn so much about the choices I do not want to make from watching other people--and perhaps no one more than my mother. It has been very illuminating and helpful for me on my own journey to recognize that my mother's issues are hers, not mine--that she may or may not be successful in dealing with these issues--and that this is okay--it is okay no matter what the outcome. What a powerful, important lesson!
I have really enjoyed and admired watching my mother's unbound energy and enthusiasm for social interaction. She is fearless of interaction with other humans. This has always seemed so foreign and amazing to me--even something that I have secretly desired. I imagine that it is no small coincidence that uber-social Andy Fisher was contracted to be present in my life since she provides a constant reminder of Journeyman Paul's "learn through social immersion" mission that he placed within my Soul Plan. This is probably one of the reasons that Paul and Andy's monad chose to work together in this lifetime. I wonder what she might have to say about what she's learned from me . . . .
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
The Teachers: Prince Myshkin
Prince Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin is a character from one of my favorite novels, The Idiot by Feodor Dostoevsky. Though a grown man, Prince Myshkin is fragile and innocent, exceedingly naïve and childlike to all others, a so-called "idiot" who has spent time in sanatoriums due to his epilepsy. And yet the Prince is a mystifying conundrum. He is totally selfless and loving--much to the ire of virtually everyone he meets--and totally misunderstood by almost everyone who comes into his circle of contact.
The Prince finds deep and profound love for virtually everyone he meets, despite the parade of over-the-top comic caricatures spiraling into The Prince's life (which was obviously part of Dostoevsky's plan). The Prince's naïve gullibility, of course, makes him a veritable magnet for any shyster or scoundrel--for they see in him someone to take advantage of--but it also makes him a magnet for anyone who has that protective, maternal instinct, as they want to shield him from the scoundrels of the world. And the Prince loves--even falls in love--with them all! It's as if The Prince, child that he is, sees the innocent and beautiful child at the core of each and every person he meets. His forgiveness of the angry and hurtful actions that these adults perpetrate are forgiven without question or second thought because he sees the ultimately self-destructive nature of these actions and he recognizes the ancient scars and hurts that each "poor, suffering friend" has received and which have festered over from their own childhoods.
Besides being the central character of my favorite novel from my favorite author, Prince Myshkin is my favorite messianic figure. I think this is due to the "true" or "authentic" feeling that this story evokes in that this "failed saviour" is more intune with what a Christ-like figure would be up against--how he would be treated in this modern age. Also, the Prince's gullibility and willingness to forgive anyone and everyone coupled with his "fault" of falling in love with virtually everyone he met made him not only very dear to me but very near to me, for I, too, have practiced such behaviours--though, I will admit, it was often willfully intentional and, therefore, feigned or false. My own Ego-Personality thought that these were acceptable and harmless means to reaching friendly terms with everyone, means to avoiding the making of enemies, as well as behaviors that would help me to try to remain as inoffensive, inconsequential, and as close to invisible as possible. Though I encountered The Idiot after I had already formed these behavior patterns for myself, Dostoevsky helped validate my choices, helped bring light to my personal "messianic" dreams and desires. I wanted to change the world, to make the world a better place, to affect those people with whom I came in contact in order to help bring out the best in them, to "heal their wounds," just as Prince Myshkin wanted. As I attempted each and all of my vocational and relationship paths, including doctor, priest, educator, writer, husband, father, friend, family member, baker, bartender, and healing arts professional, my primary motivations were always subtle variations on the central theme of wanting to help to improve those with whom I worked, served, taught, touched, reached, lived, or made things for. The Prince tried to do this with his presence. I thought that that could (should) be enough as well. But I went beyond. I chose to do things with the goal that they might increase the chances that I could have a positive, transformative effect on others. Oh, that tricky Ego! Eventually I learned that pushing myself and my agenda on others was forceful and coercive, that these methods were not respectful of other people's personal journeys, paces, and learning styles--just as Prince Myshkin found that his efforts to love equally and unconditionally--as innocent and well-intended as these efforts were--that they lacked the consideration and comprehension of each individual's varying capacity to receive love. All these damaged, corrupted people that he kept attracting into his embrace of love were so jaded as to be guarded with layer after layer of self-protective armor--armor which had served them in helping them survive and deal with the most traumatic events and patterns in their lives.
The emotion-based Earth School human experience is full of layer upon layer of enticing, engaging patterns--patterns that, once started, are difficult to unravel much less extricate oneself from. I think the greatest lesson that the great Russian novelist and his failed messiah provided for me was that it is far healthier--far better for one's health and sanity--to try to pay attention to one's own patterns and issues and work with those than it is to exert all of one's efforts in trying to correct the shortcomings of others. In fact, one will often find that whatever it is that you might perceive as a "flaw" or "shortcoming" in someone else will most likely be a projection of one of your own inadequacies--usually one that you are not ready or willing to look at for yourself (thus, the reflected view of it in others). That is, those things you find most irritating or most wanting to change in another person are most likely things that are your own flaws and shortcomings but that you don't want to see them as such, don't want to deal with them (so you try to deal with them in others instead). If, once again, we could just recognize and accept that there really is no "here" and "there," no "us" and "them," that there is only oneness and commonality, then we could learn to work on healing our selves, on restoring the correct perceptions of wholeness instead of finding flaw and insufficiency in all things. Remember: insufficiency, inadequacy, ignorance, superiority, requirement, disunity, separation, failure, and need are all just illusions--part of the Grand Illusions of Duality that we created specially for our use. We can learn to choose to use them and learn from and through them, or we can allow them to cloud our perception and judgment, even to govern us. Patterns layered one over another over another over another over another, etc., etc. A challenging cocoon to break through, to be sure. But, as we all know from the butterfly metaphor, the end result can be quite liberating. And quite beautiful.
The Prince finds deep and profound love for virtually everyone he meets, despite the parade of over-the-top comic caricatures spiraling into The Prince's life (which was obviously part of Dostoevsky's plan). The Prince's naïve gullibility, of course, makes him a veritable magnet for any shyster or scoundrel--for they see in him someone to take advantage of--but it also makes him a magnet for anyone who has that protective, maternal instinct, as they want to shield him from the scoundrels of the world. And the Prince loves--even falls in love--with them all! It's as if The Prince, child that he is, sees the innocent and beautiful child at the core of each and every person he meets. His forgiveness of the angry and hurtful actions that these adults perpetrate are forgiven without question or second thought because he sees the ultimately self-destructive nature of these actions and he recognizes the ancient scars and hurts that each "poor, suffering friend" has received and which have festered over from their own childhoods.
Besides being the central character of my favorite novel from my favorite author, Prince Myshkin is my favorite messianic figure. I think this is due to the "true" or "authentic" feeling that this story evokes in that this "failed saviour" is more intune with what a Christ-like figure would be up against--how he would be treated in this modern age. Also, the Prince's gullibility and willingness to forgive anyone and everyone coupled with his "fault" of falling in love with virtually everyone he met made him not only very dear to me but very near to me, for I, too, have practiced such behaviours--though, I will admit, it was often willfully intentional and, therefore, feigned or false. My own Ego-Personality thought that these were acceptable and harmless means to reaching friendly terms with everyone, means to avoiding the making of enemies, as well as behaviors that would help me to try to remain as inoffensive, inconsequential, and as close to invisible as possible. Though I encountered The Idiot after I had already formed these behavior patterns for myself, Dostoevsky helped validate my choices, helped bring light to my personal "messianic" dreams and desires. I wanted to change the world, to make the world a better place, to affect those people with whom I came in contact in order to help bring out the best in them, to "heal their wounds," just as Prince Myshkin wanted. As I attempted each and all of my vocational and relationship paths, including doctor, priest, educator, writer, husband, father, friend, family member, baker, bartender, and healing arts professional, my primary motivations were always subtle variations on the central theme of wanting to help to improve those with whom I worked, served, taught, touched, reached, lived, or made things for. The Prince tried to do this with his presence. I thought that that could (should) be enough as well. But I went beyond. I chose to do things with the goal that they might increase the chances that I could have a positive, transformative effect on others. Oh, that tricky Ego! Eventually I learned that pushing myself and my agenda on others was forceful and coercive, that these methods were not respectful of other people's personal journeys, paces, and learning styles--just as Prince Myshkin found that his efforts to love equally and unconditionally--as innocent and well-intended as these efforts were--that they lacked the consideration and comprehension of each individual's varying capacity to receive love. All these damaged, corrupted people that he kept attracting into his embrace of love were so jaded as to be guarded with layer after layer of self-protective armor--armor which had served them in helping them survive and deal with the most traumatic events and patterns in their lives.
The emotion-based Earth School human experience is full of layer upon layer of enticing, engaging patterns--patterns that, once started, are difficult to unravel much less extricate oneself from. I think the greatest lesson that the great Russian novelist and his failed messiah provided for me was that it is far healthier--far better for one's health and sanity--to try to pay attention to one's own patterns and issues and work with those than it is to exert all of one's efforts in trying to correct the shortcomings of others. In fact, one will often find that whatever it is that you might perceive as a "flaw" or "shortcoming" in someone else will most likely be a projection of one of your own inadequacies--usually one that you are not ready or willing to look at for yourself (thus, the reflected view of it in others). That is, those things you find most irritating or most wanting to change in another person are most likely things that are your own flaws and shortcomings but that you don't want to see them as such, don't want to deal with them (so you try to deal with them in others instead). If, once again, we could just recognize and accept that there really is no "here" and "there," no "us" and "them," that there is only oneness and commonality, then we could learn to work on healing our selves, on restoring the correct perceptions of wholeness instead of finding flaw and insufficiency in all things. Remember: insufficiency, inadequacy, ignorance, superiority, requirement, disunity, separation, failure, and need are all just illusions--part of the Grand Illusions of Duality that we created specially for our use. We can learn to choose to use them and learn from and through them, or we can allow them to cloud our perception and judgment, even to govern us. Patterns layered one over another over another over another over another, etc., etc. A challenging cocoon to break through, to be sure. But, as we all know from the butterfly metaphor, the end result can be quite liberating. And quite beautiful.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
The Teachers: "Briel" and "Reggie"
"Briel" you may remember from last year's blogposts, was one of the protagonists from a novel that I wrote in the mid-1980s. That novel is titled Chartres bleues--a name that comes from the iridescent blue color of the eyes of Briel's cherished daughter, Gretel.
Though Briel is a fictional character created from my own imagination/subconscious/ Unconscious, I firmly believe that Briel served Journeyman Paul in the exploration of one highly possible and very weighty alternate pathway from within the choice box of the Drew Fisher life flow. To me, Briel is a "living," malleable entity or facet of myself that I was able to realize through art--through writing--but who remains a valid and "alive" character within me and my Universe.
In the story, Briel had the same midwestern affluent start that I did; he had the same roots and formative experiences that I did. Where he differs--where he diverges from the path that I, Drew Fisher, took--is in the conscious decision and action of following through on the pursuit of a life with a French woman that I, Drew Fisher, met in "real life" while a student in Strasbourg, France, in 1978-9. In Chartres bleues, Briel has corresponded with "Reggie" (her actual name was Regina; his was Gabriel) during the years after his foreign study in Strasbourg, and has made the choice to go back to France after graduation from college to see what might become of a relationship with this intriguing young woman. They fall in love, marry, and Briel and Reggie settle into a life revolving around jobs working for Reggie's father in a fictional pharmaceutical company. Two kids later and a relocation to Fribourg, Germany (not far across the Rhine River from Strasbourg) finds Briel in a place, psycho-spiritually, in which he is having second thoughts over his recent major life choices. He's feeling resentment at his automated, plug-in life. He's especially resentful of the corporate jobs that control their lives. Unfortunately, in typical American male fashion, Briel has been bottling up his frustrations and receding from his relationships while going through the motions of work, parenting, partnering, etc.
One night he cracks: He impulsively leaves his family in the middle of the night without warning or without communicating his feelings or intentions. He needs to get away, to get out from under the oppression of his regimented life. So, he sneaks out of the house and hops on a train to Switzerland--all the while fantasizing about living on a farm, herding sheep, doing "real work," living a healthy life, no longer working for "The Man," and, sadly, no longer bound to the asphyxiating bondage and values-eroding concept of "all for the family good." He wants to return to the ideals of freedom and spontaneity and the joy that comes with those things--all of which he thought he shared with his wife but now doubts as freedom, spontaneity, and even joy have been squeezed out their lives and have all but disappeared. All for the family good. "All for the all-mighty dollar," he now believes.
The feelings and events that came out in my story Chartres bleues in the character I called "Briel" are all based on my own frustrations with my own Drew Fisher life and family background. They are based on fantasies that I had had over the years of "running away" and disappearing from everyone who knew me--especially from my birth family and the restrictions and consequences (as I perceived them) that came with those dynamics. But they are also based on projections coming from my Unconscious with regards to my immaturity and unpreparedness for settling down, for marriage and parenting, for the suit and tie-job either at a desk or as a traveling salesmen--all at the young age of 24-26 (which is what Briel is in the story). In short, I knew I was not mature enough to handle any and all of those "big" commitments and Chartres bleues was my way of living out that "dream,"a projected life line based on a series of likely consequences coming from the decision to marry young. I think that Briel was my soul's means to experiencing that alternate life path--to which I was strongly drawn--in a way that I could process, learn from and then let go of the desires, urges, wonderings, musings, and fears of those kind of early adult life choices.
How Chartres bleues also served so powerfully was in the way Briel was able to grow and learn from his choices--and to rediscover joy, beauty, truth, and love in many of the things that he had lost appreciation for. There were some pretty ugly and scary consequences to the actions that he so immaturely made. For example, to his family, his sudden and unexplained disappearance could very well have been accidental. Which causes a lot of anxiety and fear and emotion in your loved ones--things that he never intended but which happened because of his immaturity, because he was too myopic, too self-centered and too impulsive when making his decisions to consider the effect his actions (and lack of actions and words) would have on his family and friends.
Briel's thoughts and actions may very well have been my own had I made certain choices in my youth--marriage, corporate work life, European habitation. I firmly believe that his creation and 'existence' enabled me, Drew Fisher, to let go of certain regrets and "what ifs" and move on with less baggage and clutter distracting me from the here and now.
"Reggie" is the other main character from Chartres bleues. She is the Alsatian-born wife of Briel and mother of five-year old Gretel and two-year old Jasper. In the novel, Reggie is suddenly left alone with her children upon the unexpected and unexplained disappearance of her husband. For several days she tries to hold it together in front of the children while trying to figure out what has happened. On day three, a phone call from Briel--coming from Switzerland--creates a new flood of mixed emotions. She feels both great relief and the fire of anger and resentment. She can rest a little knowing that Briel is safe--and alive--but she feels deeply hurt upon hearing that his disappearance was on-purpose--and that it was due to his hidden and uncommunicated inner turmoil with regards to the course his life had taken him.
To add insult to injury, Reggie awakens on day five with every intention of going through the usual routines of getting the children to school and herself to work only to be shocked to find Briel in their daughter's bedroom, snuggled up around 5-year, Gretel, fast asleep. Hurt and incensed by what she perceives as his prioritizing their daughter over she, his own wife, she impulsively gathers the children and whisks them away into the car, unsure of where to go, what to do. Finally she decides to take them to the United States, to Briel's family home in Michigan, knowing that Briel would eventually figure out where they were but also knowing that that amount of time might give her a little time to collect herself--as well as provide Briel with a little retributional "payback."
The two reunite with a much greater appreciation for one another and their things and with a new-found elevation of family on their priority lists--which is all Briel wanted from the start but which he was simply too overwhelmed and too immature to figure out until he had made his rash and radical 'escape.'
Eventually, I figured out that Reggie represents a feminine--albeit strong and "masculine" female--aspect of me (and Journeyman Paul). Some of the choices Reggie makes mirror choices I might have made at that time of my life under similarly stressful conditions. Human emotions like anger, hurt, betrayal, retreat, withdrawal, and even revenge are not unknown to me. You might even say that these emotions were distressingly close to the edge in me for much of my young life for they had long been a focal point of the areas that I sought to "work on" and improve upon. Thus, the Reggie character allowed me a wonderful opportunity to explore some of these experiences through the life, eyes, and mind of another. This other may have been a fictional character, but, to me, she is a very real and valuable projection of my Self--a projection that allowed me both the awareness that these issues were lying dormant in my Unconscious and then the gift of the opportunity to work on them through the characters!
Again, as with all of my The Many Lives of Journeyman Paul stories and vignettes, my intention is to use my life experiences as mirrors so that you, my reader, might recognize little parts of yourselves--parts of yourselves that you may not have yet recognized, validated or accepted.
All stories--not just mine--are just entertaining displays of information. Information is what we process every day, all day and all night long, both consciously and unconsciously. We use these stories, this information, to continually refine and redefine our definitions of our Selves, our beliefs and values, our dreams and goals. Stories are little gifts to ourselves, for our Selves. And they're everywhere! Isn't life as a Homo sapiens sapiens amazing?
Though Briel is a fictional character created from my own imagination/subconscious/ Unconscious, I firmly believe that Briel served Journeyman Paul in the exploration of one highly possible and very weighty alternate pathway from within the choice box of the Drew Fisher life flow. To me, Briel is a "living," malleable entity or facet of myself that I was able to realize through art--through writing--but who remains a valid and "alive" character within me and my Universe.
In the story, Briel had the same midwestern affluent start that I did; he had the same roots and formative experiences that I did. Where he differs--where he diverges from the path that I, Drew Fisher, took--is in the conscious decision and action of following through on the pursuit of a life with a French woman that I, Drew Fisher, met in "real life" while a student in Strasbourg, France, in 1978-9. In Chartres bleues, Briel has corresponded with "Reggie" (her actual name was Regina; his was Gabriel) during the years after his foreign study in Strasbourg, and has made the choice to go back to France after graduation from college to see what might become of a relationship with this intriguing young woman. They fall in love, marry, and Briel and Reggie settle into a life revolving around jobs working for Reggie's father in a fictional pharmaceutical company. Two kids later and a relocation to Fribourg, Germany (not far across the Rhine River from Strasbourg) finds Briel in a place, psycho-spiritually, in which he is having second thoughts over his recent major life choices. He's feeling resentment at his automated, plug-in life. He's especially resentful of the corporate jobs that control their lives. Unfortunately, in typical American male fashion, Briel has been bottling up his frustrations and receding from his relationships while going through the motions of work, parenting, partnering, etc.
One night he cracks: He impulsively leaves his family in the middle of the night without warning or without communicating his feelings or intentions. He needs to get away, to get out from under the oppression of his regimented life. So, he sneaks out of the house and hops on a train to Switzerland--all the while fantasizing about living on a farm, herding sheep, doing "real work," living a healthy life, no longer working for "The Man," and, sadly, no longer bound to the asphyxiating bondage and values-eroding concept of "all for the family good." He wants to return to the ideals of freedom and spontaneity and the joy that comes with those things--all of which he thought he shared with his wife but now doubts as freedom, spontaneity, and even joy have been squeezed out their lives and have all but disappeared. All for the family good. "All for the all-mighty dollar," he now believes.
The feelings and events that came out in my story Chartres bleues in the character I called "Briel" are all based on my own frustrations with my own Drew Fisher life and family background. They are based on fantasies that I had had over the years of "running away" and disappearing from everyone who knew me--especially from my birth family and the restrictions and consequences (as I perceived them) that came with those dynamics. But they are also based on projections coming from my Unconscious with regards to my immaturity and unpreparedness for settling down, for marriage and parenting, for the suit and tie-job either at a desk or as a traveling salesmen--all at the young age of 24-26 (which is what Briel is in the story). In short, I knew I was not mature enough to handle any and all of those "big" commitments and Chartres bleues was my way of living out that "dream,"a projected life line based on a series of likely consequences coming from the decision to marry young. I think that Briel was my soul's means to experiencing that alternate life path--to which I was strongly drawn--in a way that I could process, learn from and then let go of the desires, urges, wonderings, musings, and fears of those kind of early adult life choices.
How Chartres bleues also served so powerfully was in the way Briel was able to grow and learn from his choices--and to rediscover joy, beauty, truth, and love in many of the things that he had lost appreciation for. There were some pretty ugly and scary consequences to the actions that he so immaturely made. For example, to his family, his sudden and unexplained disappearance could very well have been accidental. Which causes a lot of anxiety and fear and emotion in your loved ones--things that he never intended but which happened because of his immaturity, because he was too myopic, too self-centered and too impulsive when making his decisions to consider the effect his actions (and lack of actions and words) would have on his family and friends.
Briel's thoughts and actions may very well have been my own had I made certain choices in my youth--marriage, corporate work life, European habitation. I firmly believe that his creation and 'existence' enabled me, Drew Fisher, to let go of certain regrets and "what ifs" and move on with less baggage and clutter distracting me from the here and now.
"Reggie" is the other main character from Chartres bleues. She is the Alsatian-born wife of Briel and mother of five-year old Gretel and two-year old Jasper. In the novel, Reggie is suddenly left alone with her children upon the unexpected and unexplained disappearance of her husband. For several days she tries to hold it together in front of the children while trying to figure out what has happened. On day three, a phone call from Briel--coming from Switzerland--creates a new flood of mixed emotions. She feels both great relief and the fire of anger and resentment. She can rest a little knowing that Briel is safe--and alive--but she feels deeply hurt upon hearing that his disappearance was on-purpose--and that it was due to his hidden and uncommunicated inner turmoil with regards to the course his life had taken him.
To add insult to injury, Reggie awakens on day five with every intention of going through the usual routines of getting the children to school and herself to work only to be shocked to find Briel in their daughter's bedroom, snuggled up around 5-year, Gretel, fast asleep. Hurt and incensed by what she perceives as his prioritizing their daughter over she, his own wife, she impulsively gathers the children and whisks them away into the car, unsure of where to go, what to do. Finally she decides to take them to the United States, to Briel's family home in Michigan, knowing that Briel would eventually figure out where they were but also knowing that that amount of time might give her a little time to collect herself--as well as provide Briel with a little retributional "payback."
The two reunite with a much greater appreciation for one another and their things and with a new-found elevation of family on their priority lists--which is all Briel wanted from the start but which he was simply too overwhelmed and too immature to figure out until he had made his rash and radical 'escape.'
Eventually, I figured out that Reggie represents a feminine--albeit strong and "masculine" female--aspect of me (and Journeyman Paul). Some of the choices Reggie makes mirror choices I might have made at that time of my life under similarly stressful conditions. Human emotions like anger, hurt, betrayal, retreat, withdrawal, and even revenge are not unknown to me. You might even say that these emotions were distressingly close to the edge in me for much of my young life for they had long been a focal point of the areas that I sought to "work on" and improve upon. Thus, the Reggie character allowed me a wonderful opportunity to explore some of these experiences through the life, eyes, and mind of another. This other may have been a fictional character, but, to me, she is a very real and valuable projection of my Self--a projection that allowed me both the awareness that these issues were lying dormant in my Unconscious and then the gift of the opportunity to work on them through the characters!
Again, as with all of my The Many Lives of Journeyman Paul stories and vignettes, my intention is to use my life experiences as mirrors so that you, my reader, might recognize little parts of yourselves--parts of yourselves that you may not have yet recognized, validated or accepted.
All stories--not just mine--are just entertaining displays of information. Information is what we process every day, all day and all night long, both consciously and unconsciously. We use these stories, this information, to continually refine and redefine our definitions of our Selves, our beliefs and values, our dreams and goals. Stories are little gifts to ourselves, for our Selves. And they're everywhere! Isn't life as a Homo sapiens sapiens amazing?
Sunday, June 21, 2015
The Teachers: Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy
"Vic" is a character from my novel, Charybdis in Pursuit. He is the character around which the novel revolves because of his sudden and mysterious suicide. To me, Vic represents a possible life path I, Drew Fisher, might have chosen due to a very real, transcendent, "out-of-body" experience I had while in college. Here's what really happened.
I was leaving our college library after a night of research, reading and study when, as I crossed the patio in front of our fine arts building, I was suddenly confronted with the vision before me of the night lighting of our entire city merging at the horizon with the equally colored and equally filling lighting of the perfectly clear, star-filled night sky. Because I could not discern a horizon, I temporarily lost my orientation and found myself freezing in my tracks, there, at the parapet of the fine arts building's patio, looking out over what seems to be an infinite, dimensionless nebulous (mass). My disorientation progressed to a point in which I become oblivious to my human body, to the ground upon which I stood, to any and all Earthly connections. All I could feel was silence and an interconnectedness, a "oneness" with all things. I remember my mind thinking that this "place" of self-less unity was "God"--"This must be God!"
This event imbued my consciousness--my being--with a new found heightened awareness. It was as if I had been struck with lightning and my circuitry had been cleansed and cleared for higher vibrations of information, for fuller perception, for more open awareness.
A few years later, I was awakened one night in the middle of the night by the clamor of characters in my brain insisting that I write down their story right now. Which I did. To life came Vic, Judy, Collin, Matt and Mr. & Mrs. Sandel. At the time of writing their story I saw none of the similarities to my own life (except for the fact that we chose the liberal arts college that I had attended and the time that I had attended as the story's setting). But, years later I was able to recognize the story for what it really was: It was a purging of a part of my being, of several avenues that my life might have taken had I made certain choices in my own life. Like dreams, each and every one of the story's characters represent an aspect of my Self. These might have been aspects of me that had been or were being actualized, or they may have been manifestations of my (perceived or imagined) potentialities, desires, or fantasies. This doesn't really matter because I strongly believe--I know--that these aspects of me are real and, thanks to Charybdis in Pursuit, they have all been realized and expunged from my "to do" or "what if" lists.
Vic Sandel represents one of the strong potentialities of the transcendent, "high" Drew Fisher. The "coming down" from such a transcendent high could have been difficult. It could have been disconcerting, disappointing, a let down. In his excitement, Vic rushed off to try to share his experience with another--with that human being with whom he thought he was so close, with whom he felt the desire to share his every thought, his every breath. And yet he could not get Judy to even remotely share his experience. He could see that, in fact, his experience--or something about him that had changed--was causing fear in his most-beloved. These two events coupled together, coming from his life's highest peak experience and then feeling the utter futility and frustration of unsuccessfully trying to share it with your most beloved "soul mate," had a crushing effect. He came crashing down into utter despondence. "Why go on living if the rest of life is going to be less than that God-Unity experience?" "What could the pain and drudgery of human life possibly offer to compare with those self-less moments?" "Would I just spend the rest of my life trying to replicate, relive or re-attain that place of sublime peace and calm?" "What is the point? What if the only place that I can find those feelings again is in the afterlife? If the afterlife is full of that state of transcendence, what fool would choose to stay here?" etc., etc.
At the time of writing Charybdis in Pursuit Drew Fisher did not have that kind of intimate partner with whom he would or even could try to share his most profound experiences. He had only himself. Which proved just right, for his Self had an answer to his questions, had an allegory to share, had a healing message to share with him . . . in the form of this story.
The other characters of Charybdis in Pursuit provided equally important messages for Drew Fisher regarding the choices one might make when faced with heart-wrenchng shock. In the story, Vic's father and brother get stuck in the "Who's to blame?' line of focus, only Vic's father does little to search for the answers to his question but instead chooses to look at everyone and everything that had anything to do with his dead son as possible co-conspirators. Thus, sadly, he looks at everyone with a little more suspicion, a little more disdain, and a little less trustingly than before. At the same time he is afraid to turn within for fear of seeing what he might have possibly contributed to the choice his son made to take his own life. And, of course, he is ashamed and self-conscious when in public for being known as the father of that "bright boy, Vic" who killed himself. All of the choices in behavior and attitude that Vic's father portrayed I could very easily see myself making.
Vic's brother, Collin, however, chooses to solve his "Who's to blame?" motivation to take the path of trying to find out why Vic might have made the choice he made. He attempts to recreate all of the patterns and circumstances that might have put Vic in a place where suicide might even be a consideration much less an active choice. He treats the "mystery" as one to be solved like a very complicated puzzle. He dives into his college studies, trying to recreate the course schedule and professor relationships and reading materials that might have contributed to Vic's evolution. He also tries to pursue a friendship with Judy, Vic's girlfriend, in order to clandestinely dig into her memories of Vic. All with the hopes of unravelling the mysteries of Vic's psyche.
Vic's youngest brother, Matt, all-American athlete, foregoes Division I athletic scholarship offers in order to attend the same small liberal arts school that Vic was attending. Feeling like he is being sucked into a blackhole of anger and anguish, Matt grasps for anything and everything that might help him feel closer to his beloved big brother, whom he idolized. He finds curiosity and desperation to be convenient tools that lead him to succumb to peer pressure to try numbing activities like heavy drinking, experimental drug use, violent sex, and party- and football-related brutality--all in the effort to distract himself from his pain. Matt's mislaid efforts to remain as close to his dead brother as possible run afoul, however, when he pursues a reckless and passionate relationship with Vic's willing but also desperate girlfriend, Judy. Judy's eventual wising up to the mutually self-destructive nature of their relationship and her successive breakup send Matt into an accelerated tailspin of desperation in the form of serious drug use.
Again, all of the characters in this novel speak to me. All of them have very real "lessons" to offer me. I could very easily have traveled down the paths I wrote about for any of the main characters that appear in Charybdis in Pursuit. The fact that I didn't is, I believe, due in part to the fact that I was able to "live" them through the writing of them. The effort and dedication I gave to the writing and dissemination of this story, I believe, was like my "Get Out of Jail Free" pass: I did not have to live any of these life paths because I wrote them for "others" to live. The same goes for any story, fictional or biographical, that I encounter: the characters and events and story of these books become "real" to me; I become a part of the worlds and minds and emotions of these characters--and their authors!--and "live"--if only vicariously, but, still, "live"--the stories that I read (or, in the case of film and television, watch on the screen). In the same way that Jungian dream therapy works, one can look at all of the characters and events of any story that one is exposed to as your own--as reflections of possibilities of choices your own soul or Monad might have made (but now does not necessarily have to since it just experienced [and possibly learned from] it in the "external" form that it just encountered).
The World is your oyster. The World is your World. The World is You! Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy are me! And, as with any teacher who has affected my life, I am ever so grateful for their presence in my life.
I was leaving our college library after a night of research, reading and study when, as I crossed the patio in front of our fine arts building, I was suddenly confronted with the vision before me of the night lighting of our entire city merging at the horizon with the equally colored and equally filling lighting of the perfectly clear, star-filled night sky. Because I could not discern a horizon, I temporarily lost my orientation and found myself freezing in my tracks, there, at the parapet of the fine arts building's patio, looking out over what seems to be an infinite, dimensionless nebulous (mass). My disorientation progressed to a point in which I become oblivious to my human body, to the ground upon which I stood, to any and all Earthly connections. All I could feel was silence and an interconnectedness, a "oneness" with all things. I remember my mind thinking that this "place" of self-less unity was "God"--"This must be God!"
This event imbued my consciousness--my being--with a new found heightened awareness. It was as if I had been struck with lightning and my circuitry had been cleansed and cleared for higher vibrations of information, for fuller perception, for more open awareness.
A few years later, I was awakened one night in the middle of the night by the clamor of characters in my brain insisting that I write down their story right now. Which I did. To life came Vic, Judy, Collin, Matt and Mr. & Mrs. Sandel. At the time of writing their story I saw none of the similarities to my own life (except for the fact that we chose the liberal arts college that I had attended and the time that I had attended as the story's setting). But, years later I was able to recognize the story for what it really was: It was a purging of a part of my being, of several avenues that my life might have taken had I made certain choices in my own life. Like dreams, each and every one of the story's characters represent an aspect of my Self. These might have been aspects of me that had been or were being actualized, or they may have been manifestations of my (perceived or imagined) potentialities, desires, or fantasies. This doesn't really matter because I strongly believe--I know--that these aspects of me are real and, thanks to Charybdis in Pursuit, they have all been realized and expunged from my "to do" or "what if" lists.
Vic Sandel represents one of the strong potentialities of the transcendent, "high" Drew Fisher. The "coming down" from such a transcendent high could have been difficult. It could have been disconcerting, disappointing, a let down. In his excitement, Vic rushed off to try to share his experience with another--with that human being with whom he thought he was so close, with whom he felt the desire to share his every thought, his every breath. And yet he could not get Judy to even remotely share his experience. He could see that, in fact, his experience--or something about him that had changed--was causing fear in his most-beloved. These two events coupled together, coming from his life's highest peak experience and then feeling the utter futility and frustration of unsuccessfully trying to share it with your most beloved "soul mate," had a crushing effect. He came crashing down into utter despondence. "Why go on living if the rest of life is going to be less than that God-Unity experience?" "What could the pain and drudgery of human life possibly offer to compare with those self-less moments?" "Would I just spend the rest of my life trying to replicate, relive or re-attain that place of sublime peace and calm?" "What is the point? What if the only place that I can find those feelings again is in the afterlife? If the afterlife is full of that state of transcendence, what fool would choose to stay here?" etc., etc.
At the time of writing Charybdis in Pursuit Drew Fisher did not have that kind of intimate partner with whom he would or even could try to share his most profound experiences. He had only himself. Which proved just right, for his Self had an answer to his questions, had an allegory to share, had a healing message to share with him . . . in the form of this story.
The other characters of Charybdis in Pursuit provided equally important messages for Drew Fisher regarding the choices one might make when faced with heart-wrenchng shock. In the story, Vic's father and brother get stuck in the "Who's to blame?' line of focus, only Vic's father does little to search for the answers to his question but instead chooses to look at everyone and everything that had anything to do with his dead son as possible co-conspirators. Thus, sadly, he looks at everyone with a little more suspicion, a little more disdain, and a little less trustingly than before. At the same time he is afraid to turn within for fear of seeing what he might have possibly contributed to the choice his son made to take his own life. And, of course, he is ashamed and self-conscious when in public for being known as the father of that "bright boy, Vic" who killed himself. All of the choices in behavior and attitude that Vic's father portrayed I could very easily see myself making.
Vic's brother, Collin, however, chooses to solve his "Who's to blame?" motivation to take the path of trying to find out why Vic might have made the choice he made. He attempts to recreate all of the patterns and circumstances that might have put Vic in a place where suicide might even be a consideration much less an active choice. He treats the "mystery" as one to be solved like a very complicated puzzle. He dives into his college studies, trying to recreate the course schedule and professor relationships and reading materials that might have contributed to Vic's evolution. He also tries to pursue a friendship with Judy, Vic's girlfriend, in order to clandestinely dig into her memories of Vic. All with the hopes of unravelling the mysteries of Vic's psyche.
Vic's youngest brother, Matt, all-American athlete, foregoes Division I athletic scholarship offers in order to attend the same small liberal arts school that Vic was attending. Feeling like he is being sucked into a blackhole of anger and anguish, Matt grasps for anything and everything that might help him feel closer to his beloved big brother, whom he idolized. He finds curiosity and desperation to be convenient tools that lead him to succumb to peer pressure to try numbing activities like heavy drinking, experimental drug use, violent sex, and party- and football-related brutality--all in the effort to distract himself from his pain. Matt's mislaid efforts to remain as close to his dead brother as possible run afoul, however, when he pursues a reckless and passionate relationship with Vic's willing but also desperate girlfriend, Judy. Judy's eventual wising up to the mutually self-destructive nature of their relationship and her successive breakup send Matt into an accelerated tailspin of desperation in the form of serious drug use.
Again, all of the characters in this novel speak to me. All of them have very real "lessons" to offer me. I could very easily have traveled down the paths I wrote about for any of the main characters that appear in Charybdis in Pursuit. The fact that I didn't is, I believe, due in part to the fact that I was able to "live" them through the writing of them. The effort and dedication I gave to the writing and dissemination of this story, I believe, was like my "Get Out of Jail Free" pass: I did not have to live any of these life paths because I wrote them for "others" to live. The same goes for any story, fictional or biographical, that I encounter: the characters and events and story of these books become "real" to me; I become a part of the worlds and minds and emotions of these characters--and their authors!--and "live"--if only vicariously, but, still, "live"--the stories that I read (or, in the case of film and television, watch on the screen). In the same way that Jungian dream therapy works, one can look at all of the characters and events of any story that one is exposed to as your own--as reflections of possibilities of choices your own soul or Monad might have made (but now does not necessarily have to since it just experienced [and possibly learned from] it in the "external" form that it just encountered).
The World is your oyster. The World is your World. The World is You! Vic, Collin, Matt, and Judy are me! And, as with any teacher who has affected my life, I am ever so grateful for their presence in my life.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
The Teachers: Bill Fisher
Bill Fisher played the role of Journeyman Paul's biological father on this, the Drew Fisher go round. Bill made use of a human body on planet Earth from May 20, 1934 to August 31, 2001. For 67 years he played within the rules and confines of the human condition. I really don't know whether or not he had fun, whether he succeeded in achieving the goals he and his spirit team set forth when he chose the Bill Fisher vehicle or not. I really have no idea! I hope so. I do know that when the Twin Towers were destroyed on 9/11, less than two weeks after my father's passing, my very first thoughts in reaction to the televised images were, "Dad! What are you up to now!" Not because Bill Fisher was a bad man. He wasn't even very mischievous. I think my reaction was more an unconscious acknowledgement of the fact that in his new-found freedom he was as free to be as creative as he wanted to be--to join in on any project he might want to. Maybe causing a little mayhem in our world would be fun for him and his spirit gang! It certainly caused quite a stir in our little world!
At Bill Fisher's funeral mass I was the only eulogist. I remember how worried my family was about what I might say. Even I worried! My dad had had some character traits and "skeletons in his closet" that had caused some challenging circumstances for those who lived with and associated with him. I remember the first draft of my speech was filled with such bitterness, such blame and negativity! But by the time I arrived at my final version--the one I gave at the service--I had become convinced that my dad was an angel. I realized that that simple man, that "plumber born with a silver spoon in his mouth," had performed miracles, daily, for many people in his world.
Bill Fisher was a large, awkward, gawky, man who lumbered around with the goofiest, most disarming grin on his face everywhere he went. He presented that kind of odd apparition that caused everyone whose space he entered to momentarily forget their own selves, forget their own troubles and worries, to smile or even laugh at this goofy looking man. What a gift that is: to be taken out of your own self-centeredness--to be distracted from your worries and woes--if only for a few moments. This is the effect my dad had on people.
I, Drew Fisher, am the first born in my brood. I am also my father's namesake--the bearer of a treasured family name dating back to my father's grandfather--whom Bill Fisher adored. Yes, I chose a blue blooded family of privilege in a society of extraordinary privilege and ease. And yet, I never felt comfortable there. I'm not sure my father ever did either. I was always questioning the cornucopia passed my way, always feeling a bit undeserving or ashamed of the bounties and comforts I received. "What had I done to deserve--to earn this?" I was always asking myself.
Obviously, the window of opulence and privilege allowed me to see the other sides. It allowed me to have the freedom and leisure to be able to view other windows. Also, privilege and comfort--and health and education--afforded me with myriad choices that other humans have trouble seeing or realizing. Though I've always wondered at the way things have always magically seemed to fall into place in my life--laughingly said that I must have had a tough past life in order to have earned this life of comfort and ease--I also realize that I may have chosen this life of low suffering and oppression in order to be able to afford the time to attend to my Self-awareness and spiritual growth.
Bill Fisher was the most prominent, nay, primary male role model. Though I grew up knowing that I didn't want to "be like my dad," I see myself recreating many of his patterns, behaviors--even mannerisms--every day of my life--physically, emotionally, and probably mentally as well. But I also see that many of the behavior patterns that he modeled to me--that I observed and discovered--allowed me opportunities to choose otherwise. My father had an addictive personality. Which is no big deal because addiction is what our American way of life breeds most successfully. But my father's addictions caused him to only partially commit to being present in the Here and Now; they prevented him from being able to fully and truthfully commit to any intimate relationships. This pattern alone has been enormously instructive to me. It has affected my choices, consciously, and my mental awareness every single day of my adult life.
Another gift my father's choices gave to me was the boldness and confidence to make my own choices. Bill Fisher made choices for himself that others may not have agreed with--some of which came back to haunt him a bit. But he did establish a model of self-assured 'freedom' that imbued my own foray into adulthood. This, then, allowed me to more confidently pursue some of the independent avenues that I chose for my self--avenues that most certainly contributed greatly to the spiritual awakening, Self awareness, and spiritual pursuits that have so joyfully filled my life. Things like higher education, travel, and time spent in near total dedication to exploring my own creativity.
There are so many nuanced traits and events from my father's life and example that have affected me as to be too numerous to list. Suffice it to say that this troubled man whose addictive behaviors may have side-tracked him from ever establishing his own spiritual path was able to reflect one kind of life path, one kind of life choice to me and many others. Some may feel attracted to or enamored of his choices, his story, his life of privilege. Others may have used his life to help them define other choices for themselves. I say over and over, from a spiritual perspective I see no reason for family loyalty to birth family members or the ties of bondage I see individuals stay bound to over the course of their lifetimes. The role of parents is to expose young humans to experiences that both support and test their physical and psychological strength and commitment to the Earth School experience. Rarely is this done consciously. Most often this is perpetuation of patterns from families and societies and other four-dimensional interrelationships. As a father I felt it my job to try to provide safe, healthy environments for the young humans who had chosen me. But at the same time, I know that I have established patterns of strengths and weaknesses that the Monads who chose to come into my home as my children were equally aware of--that they were choosing to expose themselves to for very specific learning and growth challenges and purposes. To deny another human pain and suffering when that may in fact be exactly what that Monad had ordained for their life experience in order to have the chance of meeting or growing beyond the goals and objectives they had set forth for this Earth incarnation is arrogant and selfish. Likewise, I saw it as my duty to back off and allow the individuals in my bloodline to experience things for themselves--to make decisions knowing that the consequences might have been risky, negative, or even dangerous. There are consequences--effects--from any and every choice one makes. Some choices are more conservative, may seem more "safe," and yet the long term consequences of always choosing safe, conservative options can have equally tremendous effects later on.
One trend that has become endemic to our American and Western culture is the imprisonment of young humans into structures and expectations of "childhood" for periods far longer than is necessary, normal, or healthy. In most cultures every able person over the age of seven years is actively contributing to the social fabric in very real and vital ways. Not in America. We have been trained to remain dependent children for three or four times the expected term of true "childhood." Whereas there the youth used to find apprenticeships, adventure, and, for women, marriage as soon as they were able to bear children, now we have "adolescence." The teenager is forced to serve a prison sentence in which there is a period of sustained stewing in the collective stew of hormonal juices, in which they are forced to expend their tremendous stores of creative energy on competitive pursuits like sports and grades and dating, where they are forced to learn incredibly tedious and boring things which have absolutely no use or relationship to adult living for interminably long, drawn out periods of time, and where they are forced to subject themselves to externally imposed assignations of provisional and contingent self-worth according to the whims of other "experts," "authorities," and bullies of our system of social stratification. It is brutal, unnatural, and numbing. It is the reason--and period in which we experiment with and find our primary and secondary addictions. (Addictions are important keys to control of the masses as they promote distraction, self-consciousness, self-doubt and, fear [of being caught], need for income [and/or debt], and increased dependency--all of which distract or disable the individual from standing up against the injustices of their slave-masters and the authoritarian system enslaving them.)
Since I was a child there has developed an additional period of childhood dependence in which the so-called "education" experience is extended for the "finding oneself" period of the late teens and early twenties. This is the period where you either get used to working for The Man and begin to enslave yourself to Him for the rest of your life through job, mortgage, and other forms of debt, or you learn to lead a subsistence "off the map" life in order to try to stay out of the sights of The Man.
Today's humans are purposely trained to get used to a state of perpetual dependency--of never thinking for themselves, of relying on other so-called "experts" and "bosses" and "authorities" for dictating their choices. To choose otherwise--to choose independence--is unusual, abnormal, and resented by the brainwashed masses. In many respects Bill Fisher was a product of his society, a product of his conditioning, a desirable outcome of the social programming of the scheming Elite. Despite my best intentions and attempts, my own children are also very much unconsciously ensconced within the flow and fabric of mainstream society. Yet, thanks to Bill Fisher and his amazing wife, my mother, they have options, they have opportunities to get out. But, again, the choice is theirs and theirs alone. And with every choice they make, they will always be granted other choices, over and over and over and over . . . There is never a right or a wrong choice. Each and every choice brings with it myriad opportunities for learning. Some lessons get learned, some get missed. There is no right or wrong. This is another of the wonderful gifts to me of the legacy of Bill Fisher. There is never any right or wrong. There is only choice. Perpetual choice.
At Bill Fisher's funeral mass I was the only eulogist. I remember how worried my family was about what I might say. Even I worried! My dad had had some character traits and "skeletons in his closet" that had caused some challenging circumstances for those who lived with and associated with him. I remember the first draft of my speech was filled with such bitterness, such blame and negativity! But by the time I arrived at my final version--the one I gave at the service--I had become convinced that my dad was an angel. I realized that that simple man, that "plumber born with a silver spoon in his mouth," had performed miracles, daily, for many people in his world.
Bill Fisher was a large, awkward, gawky, man who lumbered around with the goofiest, most disarming grin on his face everywhere he went. He presented that kind of odd apparition that caused everyone whose space he entered to momentarily forget their own selves, forget their own troubles and worries, to smile or even laugh at this goofy looking man. What a gift that is: to be taken out of your own self-centeredness--to be distracted from your worries and woes--if only for a few moments. This is the effect my dad had on people.
I, Drew Fisher, am the first born in my brood. I am also my father's namesake--the bearer of a treasured family name dating back to my father's grandfather--whom Bill Fisher adored. Yes, I chose a blue blooded family of privilege in a society of extraordinary privilege and ease. And yet, I never felt comfortable there. I'm not sure my father ever did either. I was always questioning the cornucopia passed my way, always feeling a bit undeserving or ashamed of the bounties and comforts I received. "What had I done to deserve--to earn this?" I was always asking myself.
Obviously, the window of opulence and privilege allowed me to see the other sides. It allowed me to have the freedom and leisure to be able to view other windows. Also, privilege and comfort--and health and education--afforded me with myriad choices that other humans have trouble seeing or realizing. Though I've always wondered at the way things have always magically seemed to fall into place in my life--laughingly said that I must have had a tough past life in order to have earned this life of comfort and ease--I also realize that I may have chosen this life of low suffering and oppression in order to be able to afford the time to attend to my Self-awareness and spiritual growth.
Bill Fisher was the most prominent, nay, primary male role model. Though I grew up knowing that I didn't want to "be like my dad," I see myself recreating many of his patterns, behaviors--even mannerisms--every day of my life--physically, emotionally, and probably mentally as well. But I also see that many of the behavior patterns that he modeled to me--that I observed and discovered--allowed me opportunities to choose otherwise. My father had an addictive personality. Which is no big deal because addiction is what our American way of life breeds most successfully. But my father's addictions caused him to only partially commit to being present in the Here and Now; they prevented him from being able to fully and truthfully commit to any intimate relationships. This pattern alone has been enormously instructive to me. It has affected my choices, consciously, and my mental awareness every single day of my adult life.
Another gift my father's choices gave to me was the boldness and confidence to make my own choices. Bill Fisher made choices for himself that others may not have agreed with--some of which came back to haunt him a bit. But he did establish a model of self-assured 'freedom' that imbued my own foray into adulthood. This, then, allowed me to more confidently pursue some of the independent avenues that I chose for my self--avenues that most certainly contributed greatly to the spiritual awakening, Self awareness, and spiritual pursuits that have so joyfully filled my life. Things like higher education, travel, and time spent in near total dedication to exploring my own creativity.
There are so many nuanced traits and events from my father's life and example that have affected me as to be too numerous to list. Suffice it to say that this troubled man whose addictive behaviors may have side-tracked him from ever establishing his own spiritual path was able to reflect one kind of life path, one kind of life choice to me and many others. Some may feel attracted to or enamored of his choices, his story, his life of privilege. Others may have used his life to help them define other choices for themselves. I say over and over, from a spiritual perspective I see no reason for family loyalty to birth family members or the ties of bondage I see individuals stay bound to over the course of their lifetimes. The role of parents is to expose young humans to experiences that both support and test their physical and psychological strength and commitment to the Earth School experience. Rarely is this done consciously. Most often this is perpetuation of patterns from families and societies and other four-dimensional interrelationships. As a father I felt it my job to try to provide safe, healthy environments for the young humans who had chosen me. But at the same time, I know that I have established patterns of strengths and weaknesses that the Monads who chose to come into my home as my children were equally aware of--that they were choosing to expose themselves to for very specific learning and growth challenges and purposes. To deny another human pain and suffering when that may in fact be exactly what that Monad had ordained for their life experience in order to have the chance of meeting or growing beyond the goals and objectives they had set forth for this Earth incarnation is arrogant and selfish. Likewise, I saw it as my duty to back off and allow the individuals in my bloodline to experience things for themselves--to make decisions knowing that the consequences might have been risky, negative, or even dangerous. There are consequences--effects--from any and every choice one makes. Some choices are more conservative, may seem more "safe," and yet the long term consequences of always choosing safe, conservative options can have equally tremendous effects later on.
One trend that has become endemic to our American and Western culture is the imprisonment of young humans into structures and expectations of "childhood" for periods far longer than is necessary, normal, or healthy. In most cultures every able person over the age of seven years is actively contributing to the social fabric in very real and vital ways. Not in America. We have been trained to remain dependent children for three or four times the expected term of true "childhood." Whereas there the youth used to find apprenticeships, adventure, and, for women, marriage as soon as they were able to bear children, now we have "adolescence." The teenager is forced to serve a prison sentence in which there is a period of sustained stewing in the collective stew of hormonal juices, in which they are forced to expend their tremendous stores of creative energy on competitive pursuits like sports and grades and dating, where they are forced to learn incredibly tedious and boring things which have absolutely no use or relationship to adult living for interminably long, drawn out periods of time, and where they are forced to subject themselves to externally imposed assignations of provisional and contingent self-worth according to the whims of other "experts," "authorities," and bullies of our system of social stratification. It is brutal, unnatural, and numbing. It is the reason--and period in which we experiment with and find our primary and secondary addictions. (Addictions are important keys to control of the masses as they promote distraction, self-consciousness, self-doubt and, fear [of being caught], need for income [and/or debt], and increased dependency--all of which distract or disable the individual from standing up against the injustices of their slave-masters and the authoritarian system enslaving them.)
Since I was a child there has developed an additional period of childhood dependence in which the so-called "education" experience is extended for the "finding oneself" period of the late teens and early twenties. This is the period where you either get used to working for The Man and begin to enslave yourself to Him for the rest of your life through job, mortgage, and other forms of debt, or you learn to lead a subsistence "off the map" life in order to try to stay out of the sights of The Man.
Today's humans are purposely trained to get used to a state of perpetual dependency--of never thinking for themselves, of relying on other so-called "experts" and "bosses" and "authorities" for dictating their choices. To choose otherwise--to choose independence--is unusual, abnormal, and resented by the brainwashed masses. In many respects Bill Fisher was a product of his society, a product of his conditioning, a desirable outcome of the social programming of the scheming Elite. Despite my best intentions and attempts, my own children are also very much unconsciously ensconced within the flow and fabric of mainstream society. Yet, thanks to Bill Fisher and his amazing wife, my mother, they have options, they have opportunities to get out. But, again, the choice is theirs and theirs alone. And with every choice they make, they will always be granted other choices, over and over and over and over . . . There is never a right or a wrong choice. Each and every choice brings with it myriad opportunities for learning. Some lessons get learned, some get missed. There is no right or wrong. This is another of the wonderful gifts to me of the legacy of Bill Fisher. There is never any right or wrong. There is only choice. Perpetual choice.
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