Toril Booker is the name given and used by the current incarnation of Journeyman Paul's Cosmic Birth Twin. Toril did not have to return to a human body. Her monad had managed to achieve mastery and facile command of the laws of four-dimensional Earth School before this incarnation. As a matter of fact, she was on her way to focus her energies and attentions on issues and work which no longer involved use of the Earth School human experience. But, she decided--against all advice to the contrary, in her usual Ray 1 willful way--to make the journey into human form one last time in order to have one last chance to "play" with Journeyman Paul in the Earth School domain. As it turns out, I can now see that it was Journeyman Paul's insecurities and fears that caused him to beg for Toril to participate in this current incarnation (which turned out to be me, Drew Fisher). Toril threw a "cosmic tantrum" in order to secure her "permission" for her foray into her current human form.
Because Toril is more advanced in her consciousness, she came to Earth with the use of an unusually expanded awareness and with a more full "toolbox" than most humans in the Homo sapiens sapiens model possess. This expanded awareness and these extra tools have enabled Toril to negotiate some rather extreme and unusual obstacles on her path. But they have also enabled her to maintain a firm focus on her underlying purpose of this incarnation: to find and accompany the current incarnation of her Twin, Journeyman Paul. With a nine and a half year head start and a birth place geographically distant from Toril's, our Cosmic Game of Hide and Seek began with some handicaps. Toril traveled through her life with a fearless, will-powered, joy-filled recklessness that pulled her through all kinds of events and experiences that would have tripped up the most diligent of souls. But she also had a very explicit purpose which she was intent on realizing. Plus, knowing that this would be her last use of the human form, she was resolved to use every moment of her trip to the fullest extent of the gifts that the human experience provide.
Because of Toril's obvious and infectious joy, love, appreciation, will, and fearlessness, she has, quite naturally, attracted admirers, followers and "students" throughout her life. She inspires joy, love, confidence, courage, respect and reverence for life in everyone who meets her. People "feed" off of her. Again, this is as it should be as she has come to Earth with a previously earned-mastery of basic spiritual skills--the spiritual skills that make Earth laws hers to bend and use instead of her being subject to the illusory restrictions of these laws. The illusions of four-dimensional "reality" that Earth School presents to the Monadic world are seen and used as Illusions by those who have achieved recognition and mastery of the tools of Joy, Truth, Love, and Beauty, Will and Sacrifice, Knowledge and Wisdom, as Toril has. Since, at some level, we all seek and crave this achievement, we are all attracted to beings and stories that provide examples of any or all of the above; we all crave inspiration--which is, of course, the 'input' of 'spirit'. Toril's presence and, if you're lucky, her input, is always inspirational. And memorable.
Yet, Toril is not egocentric or cocky. She is not narcissistic or pretentious. She is not out for attention or credit or awards or recognition. She is just unwilling to be less than her self, to put on acts for others. She is always Toril and she is uncompromisingly open and honest. She is fearless of how anybody might react to her, of what anybody might think of her. Every second of her life has been lived as if it could be her last. She will leave with no regrets, no business left unfinished. She's often called a "bulldozer" because of her headstrong, "take no prisoners" attitude toward any task or job that she takes on. She has been observed to get more accomplished in one hour than the average human gets done in half a day. She is a force of Nature. (Interestingly, weather systems and planetary energy patterning is what she is in training for for her next "occupation" in the Spirit World.)
To be sure she has been a "butt-kicker" in Drew Fisher's life. Though it first hit me from the writings and speeches of inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson with her words, "The world needs you to be as big as you can be," I first felt the confidence and inspiration to actually do "bigger" work using "bigger" versions of myself to try to reach (and inspire) "bigness" in others from the effects of Toril's friendship and love. Unfortunately, I have my own stubbornness as well as my own fears and insecurities that continue to hold me back. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is that I have my own strengths and comfortable methods and pace of working toward spiritual growth and mastery. Toril and so many others have inspired me, but only I can figure out how, when and what baggage to let go of so that I can move forward. As hard as Toril tries, I sometimes think that my obstinate stubbornness may be equal to hers. (Which kind of makes sense since we are Cosmic Birth Twins.) Where Toril bulldozes ahead, I drag my feet behind. I think this is why most of our Earth School lifetimes have been spent apart. While her beacon of healing love has been strong and constant, the weight and shading effect of my emotional baggage has been equally persistent.
How did she learn to choose fearlessness and love so early in her travels? Where did Journeyman Paul "slip up" and fall so far "behind"? How did he get himself so caked with the mud and muck of human-generated emotional dross? We don't really know. That information has not, apparently, been important enough to have been deemed necessary to transmit into either of our conscious brains. Not that it matters, anyway. But I sometimes wonder. Anyway. Here we are! Toril is living life to the fullest because she knows this is her very last time in a human vehicle and she has decided to enjoy that experience to the fullest extent possible, while Drew Fisher trudges along at a methodical, turtle-like pace, making small breakthroughs on his road to mastering four-dimensional law. I like my pace--I'm enjoying myself--but sometimes I feel inadequate and insufficient when comparing myself to Toril and her attitudes and abilities. I know that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, but with the mirror of Toril around, I am constantly reminded of how far I have to go, of how much baggage I'm dealing with. This I try with varying degrees of effort to assimilate with an attitude that it is a 'good' thing.
I love working on myself but often find it feeling challenging when "distracted" by the inputs of work, eating, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, and other daily events that seem to go along with the territory of inhabiting a human body. Monastic life often seems like such an attractive alternative. Or discorporation. But, here I am. Working it out in one of the ways in which I am strong: writing my internal dialogue; purging my state of mind by physicalizing it like feces: "Go! Be gone! Enrich the Cosmos with your nutrients that are no longer of any use to me! I must move forward, must find new food, new information for reformation of this bodymind, for the successful completion of Journeyman Paul's mission that he has entrusted to me!"
Wish me luck!
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