The Teachers: Addictions

As mentioned in previous podcasts, the Earth School environment and the paradigm of fear that currently manipulates human behavior within the "first world" have made the "modern" human experience rife with addictions ready to suck an individual into enslavement. Once the human vehicle's nervous system has been introduced to a pleasurable stimulus it is forever seeking to recreate or, worse, top that initial "high." Why we of the Monadic Kingdom decided to program that feedback loop into the emotion-based human experience I am unsure. I can only surmise that it was to further deepen the "test" that the human experience can provide.
     I, Drew Fisher, have been just as conditioned by this environment, by this paradigm, and have been just as susceptible to coming under the power of addictions as the next American. I will remind you that for my first 20 years I walked the planet in a virtual fog of ignorance and naiveté--the malleable, fear-motivated automaton that Big Brother would have me be. I was also born into a fairly typical family in which addictions--some of which are even deemed socially 'acceptable'--had wormed their way into the behavioral and genetic fabric.
     American way of life in general is full of addictions--many of which we are completely unaware and might not even consider addictive in their effect. At this point it might be appropriate to share with you my personal definition of the word "addiction." I define an addiction as the obsessive attraction to or perceived need for a substance, activity or stimulus whose perceived need for the individual's attention begins to erode the attentiveness and effectiveness of that individual's relationships with other people, normal duties and responsibilities as well as that individual's functioning in terms of healthy self-care, including 'proper' nutrition and sanitation. According to my definition, Americans are addicted to clothing, easy-access food, processed foods, consumerism, over-sanitation, easy transportation, telecommunications, a perceived 'need' for privacy, competition, and more--all of which arise from the Grand Illusions of Duality that We created expressly for the decision-making tests or challenges that they provoke.
     I will remind you that human beings can and have survived without clothing, without air conditioning, without supermarkets, without computers, televisions, iPods and telephones, without throw-away consumables, without cars, in communities that practice mutual assistance instead of insulating, competitive behaviors for periods of history far, far longer than the period we have been in for the past two or three hundred years. Such have been the effects of our conditioning, the brainwashing that has occurred in order to get us to be involved, and get us to condone and endorse the Age of super-Leisure and ultra-Comfort, mega-Productivity and manic-Efficiency.
     And so, as Drew Fisher, Journeyman Paul set himself up in full knowledge that there would be several addictions strapped on to weight down, slow down, challenge, and distract his Soul from focusing on the work order he had created for this incarnation in the Earth School. I have, I think, been fortunate to have had the wherewithal (that is, a well-thought out Soul Plan) to learn from the actions and (decidedly negative and unattractive) consequences that addictions had on friends and characters from media and fiction. Thus, I have made choices to avoid experimenting with many addictive substances and behaviors. There are other addictive substances and behaviors that I tried that I was able to learn through first-hand experience the negative and distractive aspects of their effects on me that I was then able to opt to discontinue and avoid repetition of those choices. And then there are those addictions that have been more deeply ingrained in me because they were modeled to me by things that I was in contact with almost every day of my life during my "impressionable" and "formative" years--like the people around me (family and friends) or the media (television and school). Being, as they say, "hard-wired" into my "tapestry" of neural patterning as "habits" by persistent and often insidious repetition, these addictions and addictive tendencies have provided me with challenging obstacles throughout my lifetime. When I find that they are distracting me from A) maintaining successful and open relationships with my family, friends, clientele and society in general or B) from continuing with my "soul work," then I get more introspective as to the real "need" that I feel towards these substances or activities and then I usually get more serious in my attempts to "deal" with or diminish the power that I allow them to have over me. Each "flare up" of a particular addictive tendency is invariably met or followed with a self-questioning period of guilt and remorse (which are both, I realize, wastes of time and energy but which signal the self-reflective "police" to the site of the "crime.")

     (You may be wondering:  If I believe, as I say I do, that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, etc., etc., then why should I even care about struggling with things like addictions and guilt and remorse and self-reflection? Why not just let them be?
     Because, dear listener, the time, attention, and energy spent in dealing with these behaviors take time, attention and energy away from other activities and pursuits that Journeyman Paul may have prioritized in the Soul Plan that he and his Team put in play when they made the commitment to the Drew Fisher adventure.
     "But," you may then ask, "How, then, do you know that working with addictions and other weighty time and energy suckers wasn't part of the very Soul Plan that Journeyman Paul and his Team set before the Drew Fisher Ego/Personality?"
     And the answer is:  I do not know. I have, actually, assumed that dealing with addictions and time- and energy-sucking emotional behaviors are very much a part of Journeyman Paul's task list for me, Drew Fisher--that he intended for me to have to learn from dealing with these 'obstacles' in my life with great seriousness and enthusiasm.)

     And so I do. I struggle with addictions. I give them a lot of attention (which may in fact be giving them more power than they warrant or deserve). Over time I've learned that if I give these addictions less time and attention, that is, if I accept them as just part of who I am and who I am going to be for this lifetime, that they end up taking less time and provoking less 'need' for attention--which then opens up more time for relationships with other people, activities, and pursuits in my life. The more energy I put into fighting them, feeling guilty or trying to solve the puzzle of why they are present in my life, the more I take away from opportunities to be creative and loving, the more time I lose in realizing the tremendous Beauty, Truth, and Joy I have access to while in this Drew Fisher body in the Earth School.
     I just had a thought! Perhaps 'Addictions' is just another course or set of courses in the Earth School curriculum! We opt into them for the challenge, for the excitement, for the potential learning: "Can I manage, overcome, and defeat the addictions that come my way, or will they end up taking over my life, distracting me from achieving the goals set forth in my Soul Plan?"
     Such are the mysteries of the Earth School:  What are the intentions behind the existence of addictions; how are they useful to Monads and the Spirit World? These are some of the questions of an as-yet unfinished student of the Earth School curriculum. In the meantime, I continue my study, continue my struggles, continue living life as I know how.
     You'll hear some people say, "Who cares if a person has addictions so long as it's not affecting (or 'hurting') anyone else?" I've heard this old dismissive used often enough. It makes some sense until one remembers that, in reality, All Is One; everything is part of one singular, fluidly fluctuating energy field; everything is connected. Like the proverbial butterfly fluttering its wings in Brazil to set in motion a typhoon in Japan. Also, I am especially sensitive to the underlying, 'hidden' effects that addictions can have on intimate relationships because of the dynamic effects I felt and learned from the addictions within my own family of origin. No one escapes the rippling effect of the addict in their lives. The rest of us are at least co-dependents caught up in the addict's web. This is where detachment comes in handy. And taking back one's power by not giving it away to another--not even to an addiction.
     I have an argument that I use to express my distaste for the domestication of animals for the purpose of keeping them as house pets. I believe that this argument can be applicable to addictions:  I believe that the time and energy a person devotes to giving care and attention to a house pet is time that could have been spent giving time and energy (love) to a relationship with another human, such as a loved one, a less fortunate, or even to one's own self. I believe that this same 'advice' could be applied equally sagaciously to one's addictions:  The time and energy one devotes to the care and attendance of an addiction or obsessional behavior is time that could have been spent giving time and energy (love) to a relationship with another human, with a loved one, with one's self. But, then again, who's to say that the time and energy giving love and attention to one's pet (and, one's addiction) isn't a positive flow of love and energy? I mean, there is no right or wrong, right? And all flow of energy (and time) is but a flow of Love, n'est-ce pas? So, my argument may be out of line and obsolete. So, disregard this paragraph, if you wish.
     There is a saying I've heard several times in my spiritual studies that goes: "What you resist persists." This seems to corroborate my argument above with regards to the time and energy you put into fighting one's addictions. This also seems to follow the principles of the Law of Attraction as well as the postulate that Alice Bailey gave to us, "Energy follows thought." That is, what you give attention to, creates more energy, attracts more energy and attention, giving it more power and a greater presence in one's life. So, then, it would seem that a tactic of nonresistance, of acceptance, of going with the flow, of even finding other things to give one's attention and energy to, instead, would be good medicine for the treatment of addictions. If, that is, one chooses to work against the so-called addiction--if one chooses to want to try to direct the energy and attention that one exerts in addiction toward other things.
     Can we look at one's addiction(s) as one's lover? One's life work? One's vocation, one's "major thesis"? I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but, as I keep reminding you (and myself): Energy follows thought! If you can imagine it then it can, of course, be true--and is, most certainly, possible. So, my final words of bumbling wisdom are:  Love your addictions! The lessons will follow!

The Teachers: Toril Booker

Toril Booker is the name given and used by the current incarnation of Journeyman Paul's Cosmic Birth Twin. Toril did not have to return to a human body. Her monad had managed to achieve mastery and facile command of the laws of four-dimensional Earth School before this incarnation. As a matter of fact, she was on her way to focus her energies and attentions on issues and work which no longer involved use of the Earth School human experience. But, she decided--against all advice to the contrary, in her usual Ray 1 willful way--to make the journey into human form one last time in order to have one last chance to "play" with Journeyman Paul in the Earth School domain. As it turns out, I can now see that it was Journeyman Paul's insecurities and fears that caused him to beg for Toril to participate in this current incarnation (which turned out to be me, Drew Fisher). Toril threw a "cosmic tantrum" in order to secure her "permission" for her foray into her current human form.
     Because Toril is more advanced in her consciousness, she came to Earth with the use of an unusually expanded awareness and with a more full "toolbox" than most humans in the Homo sapiens sapiens model possess. This expanded awareness and these extra tools have enabled Toril to negotiate some rather extreme and unusual obstacles on her path. But they have also enabled her to maintain a firm focus on her underlying purpose of this incarnation:  to find and accompany the current incarnation of her Twin, Journeyman Paul. With a nine and a half year head start and a birth place geographically distant from Toril's, our Cosmic Game of Hide and Seek began with some handicaps. Toril traveled through her life with a fearless, will-powered, joy-filled recklessness that pulled her through all kinds of events and experiences that would have tripped up the most diligent of souls. But she also had a very explicit purpose which she was intent on realizing. Plus, knowing that this would be her last use of the human form, she was resolved to use every moment of her trip to the fullest extent of the gifts that the human experience provide.
     Because of Toril's obvious and infectious joy, love, appreciation, will, and fearlessness, she has, quite naturally, attracted admirers, followers and "students" throughout her life. She inspires joy, love, confidence, courage, respect and reverence for life in everyone who meets her. People "feed" off of her. Again, this is as it should be as she has come to Earth with a previously earned-mastery of basic spiritual skills--the spiritual skills that make Earth laws hers to bend and use instead of her being subject to the illusory restrictions of these laws. The illusions of four-dimensional "reality" that Earth School presents to the Monadic world are seen and used as Illusions by those who have achieved recognition and mastery of the tools of Joy, Truth, Love, and Beauty, Will and Sacrifice, Knowledge and Wisdom, as Toril has. Since, at some level, we all seek and crave this achievement, we are all attracted to beings and stories that provide examples of any or all of the above; we all crave inspiration--which is, of course, the 'input' of 'spirit'. Toril's presence and, if you're lucky, her input, is always inspirational. And memorable.
     Yet, Toril is not egocentric or cocky. She is not narcissistic or pretentious. She is not out for attention or credit or awards or recognition. She is just unwilling to be less than her self, to put on acts for others. She is always Toril and she is uncompromisingly open and honest. She is fearless of how anybody might react to her, of what anybody might think of her. Every second of her life has been lived as if it could be her last. She will leave with no regrets, no business left unfinished. She's often called a "bulldozer" because of her headstrong, "take no prisoners" attitude toward any task or job that she takes on. She has been observed to get more accomplished in one hour than the average human gets done in half a day. She is a force of Nature. (Interestingly, weather systems and planetary energy patterning is what she is in training for for her next "occupation" in the Spirit World.)
     To be sure she has been a "butt-kicker" in Drew Fisher's life. Though it first hit me from the writings and speeches of inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson with her words, "The world needs you to be as big as you can be," I first felt the confidence and inspiration to actually do "bigger" work using "bigger" versions of myself to try to reach (and inspire) "bigness" in others from the effects of Toril's friendship and love. Unfortunately, I have my own stubbornness as well as my own fears and insecurities that continue to hold me back. Or perhaps another way of looking at it is that I have my own strengths and comfortable methods and pace of working toward spiritual growth and mastery. Toril and so many others have inspired me, but only I can figure out how, when and what baggage to let go of so that I can move forward. As hard as Toril tries, I sometimes think that my obstinate stubbornness may be equal to hers. (Which kind of makes sense since we are Cosmic Birth Twins.) Where Toril bulldozes ahead, I drag my feet behind. I think this is why most of our Earth School lifetimes have been spent apart. While her beacon of healing love has been strong and constant, the weight and shading effect of my emotional baggage has been equally persistent.
      How did she learn to choose fearlessness and love so early in her travels? Where did Journeyman Paul "slip up" and fall so far "behind"? How did he get himself so caked with the mud and muck of human-generated emotional dross? We don't really know. That information has not, apparently, been important enough to have been deemed necessary to transmit into either of our conscious brains. Not that it matters, anyway. But I sometimes wonder. Anyway. Here we are! Toril is living life to the fullest because she knows this is her very last time in a human vehicle and she has decided to enjoy that experience to the fullest extent possible, while Drew Fisher trudges along at a methodical, turtle-like pace, making small breakthroughs on his road to mastering four-dimensional law. I like my pace--I'm enjoying myself--but sometimes I feel inadequate and insufficient when comparing myself to Toril and her attitudes and abilities. I know that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, but with the mirror of Toril around, I am constantly reminded of how far I have to go, of how much baggage I'm dealing with. This I try with varying degrees of effort to assimilate with an attitude that it is a 'good' thing.
     I love working on myself but often find it feeling challenging when "distracted" by the inputs of work, eating, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, and other daily events that seem to go along with the territory of inhabiting a human body. Monastic life often seems like such an attractive alternative. Or discorporation. But, here I am. Working it out in one of the ways in which I am strong: writing my internal dialogue; purging my state of mind by physicalizing it like feces:  "Go! Be gone! Enrich the Cosmos with your nutrients that are no longer of any use to me! I must move forward, must find new food, new information for reformation of this bodymind, for the successful completion of Journeyman Paul's mission that he has entrusted to me!"
     Wish me luck!

The Teachers: Andrea Bachle Fisher

Andrea Morgan Bachle Fisher is the woman who volunteered to bear the burden of gestating, birthing, and parenting the bodymind that would become the Drew Fisher vehicle for Journeyman Paul. For eight months and three weeks she carried the forming body inside her before submitting to medical technology’s latest preferred and experimental means to allowing me passage into the world on June 7, 1958, nine hours and fifteen minutes into the day. It just so happened that Andrea ("Andy" she's called) was expected to be the attendant Matron of Honor in her only sister’s glorious wedding at 10:00 AM of the same morning, but she had to pass in lieu of other more pressing engagements. 57 years later, an attitude of placing the needs of her boys first continues to drive "Andy’s" primary motivations. 
     Motherhood and family matriarchy have been a serious business to her. At the same time, she has not been overly doting or controlling; each of her four sons have profited from her guidance and her example but have rarely felt forced or cajoled into any choice or course of action. A devout Roman Catholic, Andy allowed her four boys to choose their own religious paths—even encouraged them to explore and experiment. Herself molded by and comfortable within values and mores of the affluence of the upper echelons of American industrial society, she has understood and allowed, if, at times, disparagingly and reluctantly, her family members to make choices to move in and out of that same social class. She has always wanted the joys and happiness of comfort and choice that her own socioeconomic status has afforded her to be equally available and passed on to her loved ones. Naturally, it frustrates and disappoints her a little bit when her loved ones make choices outside of her own comfort zone. She's a mother. But she is fairly successful at dealing with these disappointments. 

     One of the most remarkable character traits that I have noticed as a consistent, constant in Andy Fisher's walk on planet Earth is in the generosity of her emotional support to others. Andrea has always seemed to have had a very busy social calendar as well as a long line of daily telephone callers—each reaching out to her to share their troubles, to share their family’s bad news, to share their humanity. She has been a confidant, therapist, supporter, source of empathy, consolement and resources to countless people of all ages and this has remained true during all periods of her life. The litany of people who reach out to Andy in times of trouble is astounding in length—and seems to never shrink. Family members, childhood school mates, ex-boyfriends, new friends that she is always seeming to be making, sisters and brothers and lovers and children and grandchildren of friends and family—the net keeps getting larger and wider. When you talk about "six degrees of separation," I think that my mother’s degrees of separation from any person on the planet would be four, or five at the most. She knows somebody who knows somebody who knows something about any topic there is to know. And she is not afraid to use her network. Not for her own benefit, more for information. You see, Andy also has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, understanding, information, the latest news, the latest theories and plots, and she remains open to information from all sides, from all biases, gathering, filtering, and sifting through it all so she can assimilate and accommodate it into her current understanding of the world--which is surprisingly elastic and ever-evolving.

     Another remarkable trait that Andy Fisher has worked with throughout her lifetime from which I have benefitted tremendously through her example is her ability to be flexible, resilient, and detached when faced with adversity or negativity. While not a master of these behaviors, she has worked hard and made great strides in this area. Also, Andy has cultivated a remarkable ability to forgive. Perhaps this is where her ability to rebound from adversity arises. Or perhaps it is from her tireless ability to dive head first into the research necessary to learn about that which confronts her. Or perhaps it is due to her use of various methods which help her to successfully vent, process, or ignore and compartmentalize (suppress) her negative feelings.
     I stand in awe of these gregarious, empathetic, self-corrective talents and skills of Andy Fisher. But I also know that she struggles. I know that the effects of her conditioning--the behaviors ingrained in her from the influence of her family of origin and from her Catholicism and her American post-Depression, Industrial society morals and values--have led Andy to form certain behaviors that have undoubtedly served as major distractions from the growth and progress her Monad put forth in her Soul Plan for this incarnation. I like to think that I, too, have benefitted from these "negative" behaviors. I have been able to learn so much about the choices I do not want to make from watching other people--and perhaps no one more than my mother. It has been very illuminating and helpful for me on my own journey to recognize that my mother's issues are hers, not mine--that she may or may not be successful in dealing with these issues--and that this is okay--it is okay no matter what the outcome. What a powerful, important lesson!
     I have really enjoyed and admired watching my mother's unbound energy and enthusiasm for social interaction. She is fearless of interaction with other humans. This has always seemed so foreign and amazing to me--even something that I have secretly desired. I imagine that it is no small coincidence that uber-social Andy Fisher was contracted to be present in my life since she provides a constant reminder of Journeyman Paul's "learn through social immersion" mission that he placed within my Soul Plan. This is probably one of the reasons that Paul and Andy's monad chose to work together in this lifetime. I wonder what she might have to say about what she's learned from me . . . .

The Teachers: Prince Myshkin

Prince Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin is a character from one of my favorite novels, The Idiot by Feodor Dostoevsky. Though a grown man, Prince Myshkin is fragile and innocent, exceedingly naïve and childlike to all others, a so-called "idiot" who has spent time in sanatoriums due to his epilepsy. And yet the Prince is a mystifying conundrum. He is totally selfless and loving--much to the ire of virtually everyone he meets--and totally misunderstood by almost everyone who comes into his circle of contact.
     The Prince finds deep and profound love for virtually everyone he meets, despite the parade of over-the-top comic caricatures spiraling into The Prince's life (which was obviously part of Dostoevsky's plan). The Prince's naïve gullibility, of course, makes him a veritable magnet for any shyster or scoundrel--for they see in him someone to take advantage of--but it also makes him a magnet for anyone who has that protective, maternal instinct, as they want to shield him from the scoundrels of the world. And the Prince loves--even falls in love--with them all! It's as if The Prince, child that he is, sees the innocent and beautiful child at the core of each and every person he meets. His forgiveness of the angry and hurtful actions that these adults perpetrate are forgiven without question or second thought because he sees the ultimately self-destructive nature of these actions and he recognizes the ancient scars and hurts that each "poor, suffering friend" has received and which have festered over from their own childhoods.
     Besides being the central character of my favorite novel from my favorite author, Prince Myshkin is my favorite messianic figure. I think this is due to the "true" or "authentic" feeling that this story evokes in that this "failed saviour" is more intune with what a Christ-like figure would be up against--how he would be treated in this modern age. Also, the Prince's gullibility and willingness to forgive anyone and everyone coupled with his "fault" of falling in love with virtually everyone he met made him not only very dear to me but very near to me, for I, too, have practiced such behaviours--though, I will admit, it was often willfully intentional and, therefore, feigned or false. My own Ego-Personality thought that these were acceptable and harmless means to reaching friendly terms with everyone, means to avoiding the making of enemies, as well as behaviors that would help me to try to remain as inoffensive, inconsequential, and as close to invisible as possible. Though I encountered The Idiot after I had already formed these behavior patterns for myself, Dostoevsky helped validate my choices, helped bring light to my personal "messianic" dreams and desires. I wanted to change the world, to make the world a better place, to affect those people with whom I came in contact in order to help bring out the best in them, to "heal their wounds," just as Prince Myshkin wanted. As I attempted each and all of my vocational and relationship paths, including doctor, priest, educator, writer, husband, father, friend, family member, baker, bartender, and healing arts professional, my primary motivations were always subtle variations on the central theme of wanting to help to improve those with whom I worked, served, taught, touched, reached, lived, or made things for. The Prince tried to do this with his presence. I thought that that could (should) be enough as well. But I went beyond. I chose to do things with the goal that they might increase the chances that I could have a positive, transformative effect on others. Oh, that tricky Ego! Eventually I learned that pushing myself and my agenda on others was forceful and coercive, that these methods were not respectful of other people's personal journeys, paces, and learning styles--just as Prince Myshkin found that his efforts to love equally and unconditionally--as innocent and well-intended as these efforts were--that they lacked the consideration and comprehension of each individual's varying capacity to receive love. All these damaged, corrupted people that he kept attracting into his embrace of love were so jaded as to be guarded with layer after layer of self-protective armor--armor which had served them in helping them survive and deal with the most traumatic events and patterns in their lives.
     The emotion-based Earth School human experience is full of layer upon layer of enticing, engaging patterns--patterns that, once started, are difficult to unravel much less extricate oneself from. I think the greatest lesson that the great Russian novelist and his failed messiah provided for me was that it is far healthier--far better for one's health and sanity--to try to pay attention to one's own patterns and issues and work with those than it is to exert all of one's efforts in trying to correct the shortcomings of others. In fact, one will often find that whatever it is that you might perceive as a "flaw" or "shortcoming" in someone else will most likely be a projection of one of your own inadequacies--usually one that you are not ready or willing to look at for yourself (thus, the reflected view of it in others). That is, those things you find most irritating or most wanting to change in another person are most likely things that are your own flaws and shortcomings but that you don't want to see them as such, don't want to deal with them (so you try to deal with them in others instead). If, once again, we could just recognize and accept that there really is no "here" and "there," no "us" and "them," that there is only oneness and commonality, then we could learn to work on healing our selves, on restoring the correct perceptions of wholeness instead of finding flaw and insufficiency in all things. Remember:  insufficiency, inadequacy, ignorance, superiority, requirement, disunity, separation, failure, and need are all just illusions--part of the Grand Illusions of Duality that we created specially for our use. We can learn to choose to use them and learn from and through them, or we can allow them to cloud our perception and judgment, even to govern us. Patterns layered one over another over another over another over another, etc., etc. A challenging cocoon to break through, to be sure. But, as we all know from the butterfly metaphor, the end result can be quite liberating. And quite beautiful.